The Rogue ~ One

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~Please read the prologue first. Enjoy, reading!~

This chapter is revised.


Chapter One

Fall 1815

Dry, crisp leaves of several colors fell down from the decaying trees, onto the bronze-touched path. Painted leaves of dark reds, medium oranges, and bright yellows covered the streets of the city. There was one tree at every corner of the street, that went on for quite some time.
On this Friday, early evening, the sun was setting with a mixture of purples and pinks. There was not one cloud in the baby blue sky, that would appear at this time of day.
On the corner of Maple and Fifth Avenue there laid a garden of wonderful assortments. There was every sort of flower made known to man kind. Full of elegance and beauty, every couple married at that one place. And in the center of the garden was a magnificent fountain, with beautiful water lilies. On the other side of the garden was the park.
Trees lined up in straight lines along side the paths, showing fresh apples, cherries, and other sorts of fruits that would dangle from the branches. During the Spring and Summer, the park would explode with rich and tasty fruits that had grown from these trees.
Alongside these streets laid brick buildings, that were cramped together selling all sorts of things.
Time after time, carriages of dark colors stopped at their destinations. Between these two streets laid the Grand Hotel. With the garden on one side and the park on the other. They met at the back of the building with a lake in the middle.
Close to the front entrance covering the sidewalk was two lamp poles. The lights weren't on, yet, but would appear soon.
Another carriage, like any other, came by. The driver stopped as he pulled the reins of the horses. An elderly gentleman, who appeared in his mid-forties, wore a dull grayish uniform. On the upper right side of his top said The Grand Hotel, for he was working there. He then hopped off his station of the carriage, took out the steps and opened the door.
A young lady came out with a very fashionable hat with high blue feathers. Wearing her white gloves, she held a satin, gold umbrella in her left hand. Holding it down at her side, she glanced around.
Her brunette wavy curls, formed on her head as some spilled along side her neck. Her green eyes beamed as she saw the glory of the city.
“It's just as I imagined,” she whispered to herself.
She was then cut of as her fellow companion came by her side as the footmen closed the door.
“Emma, dear. Isn't it lovely?” The brunette said.
The men from their ride took their luggage as the carriage went away. The two young ladies looked at the Grand Hotel, as Emma spoke, “Yes. It's what my mama and papa said it would be like.”
“And they were quite right.” The brunette held her arm as the two linked arms, “Come. We must see what it looks like inside.”
The two friends walked up the cobblestoned path as two gentlemen opened the doors for them. The moment they walked inside they were blown away from its beauty.
There were hallways going each direction and with stairs to the left and right. And in the centre was a grand staircase ascending to the upper levels of the hotel.
Couches filled the lobby with families waiting for their relatives and potted plants at every possible corner.
On the left side of the lobby was a door to the dining hall and the back of the grand staircase was a door to the ballroom. There was of course the libraries, the billiard rooms, the conservatories, the studies, several halls, and the kitchen that formed the hotel.
On the main entrance there was the information desk. The young ladies came upon the desk and waited for the gentlemen behind the counter. He then looked up from the large guest book, “What can I do for you two ladies?”
The brunette spoke, “Lady Amelia Ridgeway and this is Miss Emma Gray.” As she nodded to her friend.
“Ah, I see.” He placed his wrinkled index finger down the paper until he found their names. He then looked up, “Please sign in.”
Lady Amelia signed first and then Emma. The man behind the counter with the unshaven skin, had a grayish beard. He turned around a took their signed key off the hook, and called for the bellboy.
“Bellboy!” His voice was low as a younger man came by. “Second floor. Room five and six.”
The bellboy nodded, took the key and started to take their luggage up to their rooms. “Enjoy your stay.” The man behind the counter said.
Lady Amelia nodded, “Thank you, sir.” She then unlinked arms with Emma and spoke, “Let's visit the gallery before we retire.”
Emma smiled and followed her friend down the lobby into the right hallway.
Emma's peach colored muslin with white lace swished side to side as she examined each portrait. Lady Amelia wore a golden muslin with red intricate designs for the evening.
“Emma. Come here.” She came by and saw the painting her friend was staring at. “I just love this painting. The way the artist shows how the light glistens off the lake.”
“I see.” She turned to the other side of the hallway with Amelia by her side, “I find this portrait breathtaking.”
“Why?” Amelia was intrigued by her friend's comment on the picture.
Without turning to glance at Amelia, Emma spoke, “The artist portraits the very life of all ladies and females and what they do for leisure. It's amazing. Us, ladies explore the depths on what we do for fun.”
“You're quite right.”
Emma, finally turned to Amelia, “You think so?”
“Yes, I do. But come. Let's see the rest.”
They turned away from the painting and made their way to the end of the gallery.
There was a red circular couch at the end of the hallway, for people to retire on. As Lady Amelia rounded the couch she heard her friend whine.
“Dear Emma what's the matter?” She looked down at her friend who was holding her arm.
“I-” Yet, she was cut off.
“It was me who bumped into your friend.” Lady Amelia looked up, at what happened to be a gentleman.
His forest green attire contrasted with the color of his eyes and he looked as if he had shaved this morning. For his skin was smooth as butter.
The silence went by, “I'm Lady Ridgeway. But do call me Lady Amelia for we are acquainted now.” She then glanced at her friend, “And this is my dear friend, Miss Emma Gray.”
The man's eyes widened at her name, “Really?” His lip curved up in a sly smile. “Well, I must introduce myself.” He bowed and said, “Sir Hugh Sherwood at your service.”
And at that immediate moment, Lady Amelia heard her friend gasp.
Last edited by Merry_Haven on Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<




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Umm...and so the plot thickens.....

okay question: what happen to the parents? i think you need to explain what happen to them. Are they alive or what?

So Emma is you MC. In the prolouge, I thought Amelia was. So you clear that up for me.

and this gentleman at the end, I take it that Emma knows him, but how? I guess that will be explain in the next chapter.

I can't tell you anything on grammar and such.....because i am not good at it. What i can tell you is that your story is very exciting and it wants me to read more.

Keep up the good work,

Night Mistress.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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*Night Mistress~

Thanks. I hope the plot is thickening.

Okay, the parent thing will definitely come up in the next chapter. Promise. :wink:

No!! I'm making this to be Amelia the MC, not Emma. I'll have to fix that.

Thanks for taking your time to read this!

*Merry

~off for dinner...~
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<




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I enjoyed this one a lot better than the prologue. The descriptions are very vivid, and I cannot wait for the next chapter, but here's a question: Why did Emma gasp when the gentlemen told them his name?
House: People interest me. Conversations don't.
Foreman: Maybe because conversations go both ways.
House & Foreman: Like Thirteen.




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Hey Merry!

Dry, crisp leaves of several colors fell down from the decaying trees, onto the bronze-touched path.


Very good first sentence.

On the front entrance on the sidewalk was two lamp poles. The lights weren't on, yet, but would come on soon.


The repetition of the word 'on' irks me. Try condensing these to make it simpler. Or maybe get rid of the sentence it seems out of place.

Like any carriage, another one came by


Reword please.
An elderly gentleman hopped off his station of the carriage, took out the steps and opened the door.


A little more description of what he looks like won't hurt.

The brunette held her arm as Emma linked arms


This reads funny, Try: The two linked arms. (that sounds better in my opinion)

“It was me who bumped into your friend.” Lady Amelia looked up, at what happened to be a gentleman.
His forest green attire contrasted with the color of his eyes and he looked as if he had shaved this morning. For his skin was smooth as butter.
The silence went by, “I'm Lady Ridgeway. But do call me Lady Amelia for we are acquainted now.” She then glanced at her friend, “And this is my dear friend, Miss Emma Gray.”
The man's eyes widened at her name, “Really?” His lip curved up in a sly smile. “Well, I must introduce myself.” He bowed and said, “Sir Hugh Sherwood at your service.”


Ooh I love mysterious gentlemen.

And at that immediate moment, Lady Amelia heard her friend gasp.


Yes, I am gasping along with her.

I really liked this. Though, it was better than your prologue, which is good and bad. It's good because it's nice to see your writing has improved, but it's bad because if one doesn't find your prologue engaging then they might thrust this book aside and miss out on what great potential it has. Please do write more and soon, I want to know more about this Sir Hugh Sherwood. (sighs with anticipation)


Ta,

~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




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*KikiSaysRAWR!~

Thank you for saying this chapter is vivid. The question that you have asked will be answered in or throughout the story.

*Angel of Death~

After I take a nap I will have to revise this chapter and defiantly work on the prologue. Yes, there will be more about Sir Hugh Sherwood.

Thank you guys, for taking your time to read this.

*Merry
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<




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*Merry, I think this is a good story starting now! Just have a few suggestions for you, hope you don't mind!

When you say the buildings are 'crunched together', do you think maybe 'cramped' would be a better word?

'With the garden on one side and the park on the other. They formed at the back of the building with a lake in the middle.' Maybe 'they met' rather than 'they formed'?

'Having it as her walking stick, she glanced around.' I think it sounds a little better to say something like 'Holding it down at her side, she glanced around.'

They were blown away from it's beauty.'- 'by its beauty.' ?

'and stairs going from the left and right side.' I'd write something like 'With stairs to the left and right' I think.

'And in the middle there was three stairs forming a grand staircase going up to the different levels of the hotel.' Could be 'And in the centre was a grand staircase ascending to the upper levels of the hotel.'

'waiting for their fellow members'- Maybe 'waiting for relatives'?

When you mentioned the girl's dress was swishing 'side by side', I thought 'side to side' rang better.

“Emma. Come here.” She came by and saw the painting her friend was staring at. “I just love this painting. The way the artist shows how the light glistens off the lake.”
“I see.” They turned away from the painting and made their way at the end of the gallery. '
--> I think a sophisticated lady like Emma would have something more to say about the painting her friend likes than this, she would surely have education in art and things, and be well-versed in techniques. Finally, 'they made their way TO the end of the gallery', didn't they?

These are just little things, I'm looking forward to seeing what's going to happen- so intrigued!!!

Roo
Hangin' all her hopes on the stars...




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*Roo~

Thank you for taking your time to read this chapter. I appreciate it greatly.

Thank you everyone else! I have took all nit-picks and revised and edited this chapter.

Chapter Two will be up sometime today.

*Merry
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn