The Intoxicating Mind

When you look out into the ocean

You might think what lives below

When you search through the forest

You might think about what was here before

When you are alone and bored

You created stories, thoughts, lyrics

And suddenly you are swept up

In your own story

You review what you did today

And what you might do tomorrow

And then you are lost in thought

And it takes a while

Before you resurface

From your own mind

Hey there!

I quite like this though I think this can be better.

When you look out into the ocean

You might think what lives below

When you search through the forest

You might think about what was here before

Great beginning, by the way but I think it should look like this:

When you look out into the ocean
You might think what lives below
When you search through the forest
You might think about what was here before

Stanzas are your friends.

Okay, although I liked that beginning, I don't see how it pertains to the rest of the poem. I feel like this is not finished and that your thoughts are bunched up. I'm not saying that it was bad, because it wasn't. I think a few lines here and there to flesh this out a little won't hurt. Remember, poetry is free, like all other writings. You can make this as long as yourself, take advantage of this and let your thoughts fly.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Keep writing,

~Angel

When you look out into the ocean



You might think what lives below



When you search through the forest



You might think about what was here before



When you are alone and bored



You created stories, thoughts, lyrics



And suddenly you are swept up



In your own story



You review what you did today



And what you might do tomorrow



And then you are lost in thought



And it takes a while



Before you resurface



From your own mind

Interesting poem overall. Although I think that you could add some more details in there. You also need some punctuation. It runs on and on without it. There also needs to be stanzas in there. Angel has pointed that out for you alreadt though. I find that I can relate to this. I also get lost in my own thoughts. Maybe you could point out more. Add what he thinks about what he thinks he might want to do tommorrow. This poem definately has potential and could be amazing. Good luck and keep writing.

Beatles fan, huh?

me too.
anyways, about your poem, I enjoyed it, it was...
to say the least, I found it quite refreshing.

describing the mind, the thgouht process, the creative flow,
per se.
I like that term, "Per Se"

anyways, punctuation would be a good idea, make thing more... understandable for lesser life forms.
joking, joking,

sometimes there are people who never re-surface from their minds... like me, I permanently reside in the infinite insanity that my mind has become...
I am always lost in thought, like a child lost in the woods, but I like it like that.

good poem, a bit deep, if you understood it,

Peace,
God