A Silver Tree

here in this illustrous grove
grows a silver tree
right now a little sapling tender
from a seed inside of me

and then the winds of change shall whisper
wondrous words, like honey sweet
like tantalus, the tree shall try
to drink water beneath its feet.

but in vain it tries, so desperately hopes.
Yet it never finds a way
To bear fruit, so beauteous and ripe
To have flowers not dull and gray

there! A sudden shower springs,
Bearing words of wisdom and wit.
Like rain it falls on the silver tree
Which shines like a beacon lit

Some days, the tree sways with the wind.
While others the tree stands proud.
Some days in the light of the sun it stands,
And others in the shade of the cloud

And now, in this illustrious grove,
Grows a magnificent silver tree.
With flowers so bright, and fruit so ripe,
It stands for all to see.

this is really really really good i think you're trying to use "bigger" vocabulary too hard though. You can get the same effect from smaller vocabulary if you just use the right word. It's really good though and I totally encourage you to keep writing more poetry!

I really enjoyed this poem, though, like everything, it can be improved.

There are a few spelling mistakes (the first illustrous, for example, should be illustrious as you have it in the first line of the last stanza) but I'll leave that to you to catch the rest.

I really like poems that are all lowercase for random odd reasons, and yours was like this in the beginning...but then started changing. The first two stanzas are all lowercase. The last three lines of the third and fourth stanzas start uppercase, for no apparent reason, and then in the last two stanzas all the lines start uppercase. This is really nitpicky, but unless the capitalization has some further meaning that eludes me, try to stay consistent

Why, in the second to last stanza, does the tree sway with the wind while other days it stands "proud"? Are you trying to say that some days the tree is lesser, not as proud? And then you contradict yourself in the next two lines about shining in the sun? It is just confusing to me because the meanings are contradictory. Perhaps I'm missing something? Maybe if we could have just a little bit more to work with, why the tree is like this sometimes...I don't know...this part was just confusing to me.

I wonder, do you read your poems out loud? This is something I really should do more often, and many other people as well. Try reading it out loud and fixing some problem spots with the flow of the poem.

All in all, though, I really enjoyed the poem and your word choice. This poem was really nice and it rhymed (something I really very much struggle with! ) Keep writing!

-Cassie

Actually, all punctuation and spelling mistakes were intentional. This was supposed to symbolize growth. Specifically, my growth as a writer. The second to the last stanza was supposed to mean sometimes taking suggestions and sometimes not.

And yes, I do read my poems out loud.

I really, really enjoyed this poem, Water. You rock at poetry The idea of making spelling errors at the beginning is very creative and original, I love it
You have a fantastic mixture of imagery and ground evidence. The rhyming was interesting and didn't seem too forced. There was something a bit odd about the capitalization but it doesn't matter too much. Other than that, there's not much I can say, well done. xD

xoxo

This poem is going into my favorite poem file. I really enjoyed the idea and the punctuation and spelling mistakes were very clever. I think it makes it a even better poem! There arn't any mistakes I can see that people haven't already pointed out. There are very few by the way, which is good because you don't want reviews filled with your mistakes. Very nice job.

This is exactly what i needed to unwind and enjoy after a stressful day. I absolutely love the details about the silver tree, it is very difficult to make narrative poetry rhyme and you've done a brilliant job. I also think that you are trying to 'over-write' it using long words. Simple words can have just as much effect. Job well done. KEEP IT UP!


lilmisswritergal also known as Galinda the Good

wooooow! This piece is amazing, the words you use to describe are so descriptive. The poem flows, there is not one break! It is nice to see how you've grown as a writer. the whole metaphor of a sapling finally receiving water is just right on key!

Wow. This is really one amazing poem. I cannot find any fault with it. I liked the way you described the stages of the tree's growth, and you did it so beautifully. It's fine for me if you don't add capitalization, but I find it awkward without the punctuation, especially at the first stanza. I know it's intentional, but when you read it, the flow is a little off.


"there! A sudden shower springs,

Bearing words of wisdom and wit.

Like rain it falls on the silver tree

Which shines like a beacon lit"


This is my favourite stanza.

Overall, great work. Gold star for this.
Keep writing!

here in this illustrous grove
grows a silver tree
right now a little sapling tender
from a seed inside of me

and then the winds of change shall whisper
wondrous words, like honey sweet
like tantalus, the tree shall try
to drink the water beneath its feet.

in vain it tries, so desperately hopes.
Yet it never finds a way
To bear fruit, beauteous and ripe
To have flowers to brighten the day

there! A sudden shower springs,
Bearing words of wisdom and wit.
Like rain it falls on the silver tree
Which shines like a beacon lit

Some days, the tree sways with the wind.
While others the tree stands proud.
Some days in the light of the sun it stands,
And others in the shade of a cloud

So now, in this illustrious grove,
Grows a magnificent silver tree.
With flowers so bright, and fruit so ripe,
It stands for all to see.

Really beautiful poem, I just made a few corrections. The tree reminds me of a mallorn from Lord of the Rings, since a mallorn has silver bark and gold leaves.