Together Fornever Chapter 4

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Long awaited Chapter 4! (Long awaited for me, at least!)
Too clear things up, THIS IS WRITTEN IN ZANE’S POV!!! He is just remembering, and we go through him meeting Ivy.

MY PATHECTIC LOVE STORY IS BEING CHANGED TO "Together Fornever"


Silence. Undying, unending, unforgiving silence. And I was trapped in it. Sure, Holly was the warden, and wouldn’t let them hurt me, too much. But she didn’t know that all the beatings in the world could match the silence of an empty head, and a hollow heart. Holly couldn’t even begin to comprehend how it felt to be a loner, even when surrounded by people. The only person who could stab this silence at the source was Ivy. Even when she didn’t speak, even when she just sat next to me on the concrete floor, she killed loneliness. And to think I nearly killed her.
My mind began to sift through memories, to find the one I was looking for.
************
It was winter, a few days before Christmas. It had been snowing horrendously, so most stayed in front of the fireplace, curled in the arms of a lover. Not Ivy.
She was out, at night. I watched her as step after step, she sifted through the snow in her tall, black boots, pale arms covered by a black sweatshirt.
I had watched all of this from behind a pine tree, and felt as my fangs began to pull me towards her.
I jumped straight into the air from that tree, landing a few feet in front of her. I began to step thru the snow towards her, to feed on her essence.
Ivy stood there, hair covering her eyes, studying me, as one would a new pair of shoes. Something thick slipped out of her hands.
Lying in the snow was a book of gothic churches in Great Britain. She bent down in the snow to pick it up, eyes still hidden behind a veil of black.
By this time I was upon her, so when she stood up, I was breathing across her face. She had a fearful and angry look upon it, enforced by her beauty. Her complexion was pale, but framed by the slightly-curly black hair. Her lips were the most vibrant red, like they were solely constructed of rose petals. . She moved her bangs behind her ear, showing me the most shocking electric blue eyes. They were hard around the edges, like she was abused daily.
“Ummm…Hi?” She said, hardly moving her lips. “Can I help you?”
I felt compelled to answer, but my body wouldn’t obey my command.
Her brow furrowed as she raised a hand and placed to on my forehead.
“You’re freezing!” She exclaimed, withdrawing her hand instantly.
I nodded, for it was all I could do. I was a vampire, what did she expect?
“C’mon, you can come with me.”
She began to walk away, stepping carefully in the snow. I didn’t move, praying she would come back.
A few moments later, she turned around and seeing that I hadn’t followed, trecked back through the snow, and grabbed my hand.
“You’ll freeze if you don’t get in soon.” She whispered, pulling my arm. Unwillingly I followed, pulled by this strange girl with dark hair and electrifying eyes.
We stumbled thru the snow, her leading, me following, my hand clutched inside of her small, fragile one.
Just as the snow let up, we reached a minute shack. There was smoke drifting lazily from the chimney, and a dull glow coming from inside.
I halted.
Ivy stopped and stared at me. “It’s just Jen and me; we’re running away from home. Do you want to come?” She inquired, looking at my eyes.
“Your eyes are weird. Like mine.” She let go of my hand, and began to step towards the little shack.
“We’ll be here until Christmas, so you can make up your mind. You should come with us, though.”

We met by that pine tree for three nights. Every night she would hold my hand, and walk me back to the shack. She talked about her life before; how her parents had hit her and abused her. She talked about going to Nevada, to hide with Jen.
We would always stop outside the door. I’d stop, and she’d let go.
I never spoke, fearing I would break the spell so heavily laid on me by her words, her voice.
On Christmas Eve, she stopped out front of the shack, and asked:
“Are you going to come or not? Can you even speak?”
“Yeah, I can speak.”
“Then what’s your answer?”
“Why don’t you come with me instead?”
“Where are you going?”
“Away. Somewhere Jen can’t go.”
“Will you leave me there?”
I smiled. “I’ll never let you go.”
“What about Jen?”
“She’ll be fine. I promise.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. Trust me.”
“I can’t. I don’t even know your name.”
“It’s Zane.”
“Zane.” She repeated, sliding the word across her tounge.
“Come with me Ivy?”
She closed her eyes and let out a sigh.
“Your just like me.”
“Yeah. Weird, isn’t it?
“I’ll come.”
“Swear you’ll come, and you won’t leave me when we get there?”
“I swear.”
I relaxed, sure that she would come.
“Goodnight.”
Last edited by Icefire63111 on Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
REVIEWS! IF You Need Them, PM me!
*
You Can make it all go away
The pain the suffering
The Hurt You Put her through
Let you won't;
You can't
So for every love She knows
Another stich she sews




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Let's see what I can do to this horrible little thing that keeps cropping up on me.
Joking, of course.
But it does keep popping up! Haha...

hurt me, too much

It's a pause, but not a pause I'd use a comma for. I'm not one of those specific people who tell me about periods and ellipses and the injunctions and whatnot. So I say it in simple terms: a hyphen would be a better use because It's not really a pause, sort of just an extension of a sentence...

It was winter, a few days before Christmas

Maybe, to make it sort of less-tell, try : Tinsel draped the trees behind every snowed-in window. Not only does that tell us it'd been snowing, but it's winter, and Christmas!

I had watched all of this from behind a pine tree, and felt as my fangs began to pull me towards her.

And felt what?

Lying in the snow was a book of gothic churches in Great Britain. She bent down in the snow to pick it up, eyes still hidden behind a veil of black.

Since you just say snow one million times already, delete the second one and just say 'down to pick up'

so when she stood up

Stood up, bent down, all a little this then that. You could use 'straightened'

Ummm…Hi?” She said

small s on the she - it's part of the sentence so no need for capital. If it wasn't for the question mark there would be a comma 8)

“You’re freezing!” She exclaimed

Same as above - small s

stepping carefully in the snow

You repeat snow so many times. And why is she stepping carefully??

A few moments later, she turned around and seeing that I hadn’t followed, trecked back through the snow, and grabbed my hand.

Trekked

get in soon.” She whispered,

she whispered

She inquired

small s

tounge.

Tongue

Zane.” She repeated

Zane," she repeated

“Your just like me.”

You are

This is so brilliant. Quite cute actually. Well done! You just need to stop saying snow. Say it 3 times if you have to, but after a while you repeat yourself... and why is she stepping carefully? Also, what does she feel? He feel? See/hear/taste?

Is this it? As in no more chapters? I hope not.
Writing gives my life purpose



Chickens are honestly little dinosaurs. And they know it.
— ChieRynn