Blind - Chapter 10

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Ack, sorry for posting so late.
I re-wrote the chapter and split it yet again, into two.
So the 'exciting' (if you can call it that) part, is in chapter 11,
Which is already done,
And I guess I'll post it once someone reviews this one.
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One more period and I can finally go home. I glanced at my timetable, Biology was next. The class took some time to figure out the location of the biology lab, which was on the highest floor, the fourth level.

Of course, my brothers and I, having toured around the school with our dad before, knew exactly where the biology lab was. However, I couldn’t be bothered to lead the way as if I was Mary leading my lost sheep or something and Nathan was busy absorbing information from our biology textbook, being his usual nerdy ‘must-get-A-plus’ self. Nathaniel, was actually engrossed in having a normal conversation with Melody, and naturally too busy to care where we were going, following the crowd blindly.

“So it’s the liver that produces the bile stored in the gall bladder?”

“Uh-huh, the bile doesn’t contain enzymes, but it emulsifies the fats.”

“Oh. How do you know so much, Nathaniel? I didn’t think you were the studious type.” Melody asked, absentmindedly twirling a loose curl of her silky brown hair with her index finger.

“You insult me, Melody.” Nathaniel pouted. “You really should give me more credit, you know. I’m not a study-freak, but I’m not a slacker either. I get mostly ‘A’s and some ‘B’s.”

“Well, before you didn’t give me a reason to think so.”

“True,” My youngest brother admitted, grinning goofily. “You win.”

“How come you’re being so nice to me all of a sudden?” Melody asked suspiciously.

“I wasn’t born a devil, Melody. I’m capable of being nice.” Nathaniel defended himself, “We don’t always have to be so antagonistic towards each other.”

Melody apparently picked up some hint. “You’re the one who always initiates the fight, okay?” she grumbled. “But I guess we can try being friends. Just an experiment.”

“Deal,” Nathaniel smiled, shaking her hand. I felt a pang of jealously towards my brother. He was always so gregarious. Everyone liked him because he was so approachable and friendly.

Me? I’m indifferent and a coward. I didn’t have the strength and courage to overcome my past, and this hindered me from making friends.

“Hey, do you think they’ll be testing us about diffusion and osmosis?” Nathan suddenly asked me, scribbling notes onto the current page with his pencil.

I rolled my eyes. “Nathan, we haven’t even had our first Biology class yet.”
***

“Nathan, you’ll pair up with Helen. Nathaniel, you’ll pair up with Ashleigh.” Our biology teacher, Miss Watkins instructed, as the students quickly moved to the tables she had assigned. “Connor, you’ll pair up with Fiona and Nate, you’ll pair up with… Melody.”

Walking in the direction of where Miss Watkins was pointing, I tentatively took my seat next to Nate, who was staring off into space, looking pensive.

“H-hi,” I hesitantly greeted my lab partner for the rest of the semester.

He turned to give me a slight nod, before flipping open his textbook to read.

Throughout the teacher’s half an hour lecture on Diffusion and Osmosis, I didn’t miss the fact that Nate’s chair was inching further and further away from mine, and that most of his back was facing me. I tried not to cry, the feeling of being unwanted swelling inside of me once again.

Most of the other students were sitting relatively close together. Nathan and Helen were sitting close enough that their elbows were touching and Nathaniel was sitting only a few inches away from the Ashleigh girl. Only Nate and I were avoiding each other like the other had the plague.

“Alright class, I want you to gently move the expensive microscope nearer to the both of you, and send one person from each table to come and collect a small slice of onion and a toothpick.”

I looked uncertainly and Nate, who didn’t show any indication of wanting to go, so I started to stand up. I heard the sound of the chair scraping the floor as Nate got up and headed to the teacher’s table to fetch the materials. Carefully, I shifted the microscope closer to us and of an equal distance between us.

“You can go first if you want,” Nate murmured, stretching out his hand and passing me the onion slice, making sure that our skin did not come into contact.

We were supposed to drip a droplet of water onto the tiny onion slice and cheek cells scraped from either one of us, to study the effects of osmosis in plant and animal cells. Using the tweezers provided, I placed the onion slice on a clear rectangular slide, and pushed the slide under the clips of the microscope. As I leaned in to investigate,

“Miss Keyes, why are you wearing a sweater in this weather?”

I quickly looked up, startled by Miss Watkins’ unexpected interruption. Blushing furiously, I mumbled, “Umm… it was a bit chilly just now.”

“Chilly?” Miss Watkins raised an eyebrow, not very convinced. “Well, even if it was chilly before, it certainly isn’t right now. There is no breeze blowing in to the lab, even with the windows wide open, Miss Keyes. Do take that sweater off. We would not want you to get a heat stroke.”

“But-“ I began, but the teacher flashed me a no-nonsense look, leaving no room for further argument. Worse, the entire class had their eyes pinned on me right now.

Slowly unbuttoning my brown sweater in dread, I gulped and slipped off the sweater. I heard soft gasps from around the class as many gawped at my dress, making me feel very exposed.

I tried to act indifferent and peered into the microscope lens, the hand that held the slide firmly down shaking slightly. “Yes, yes, we can see that Miss Keyes is indeed very pretty, but if you’re not done writing your observations in ten minutes, you will be held back to help me clean up the lab. Understood?”

I heard the rustling of papers and the sounds of equipment being moved around, but even then, I could feel the stares in my back.

Adding another droplet of water as per the teacher’s directions, I observed the plant cells swell to huge proportions. I grabbed my worksheet and scribbled under the observations column, “The plant cell swells, but does not burst.” Under the theory column, I quickly scrawled my answer and passed the microscope to Nate, who took it without sparing me a single glance. He peered into the lens briefly, before jotting down his own answers.

Scraping the inner wall of his cheek with the wooden toothpick, he smeared the stick onto a fresh slide and slotted it under the clip. Using a dropper, he added two droplets of water and peered into the lens while I fidgeted in my seat, casting frightened sideway glances at Nate. Picking up his pen, he noted down his observation and handed me the microscope.

I looked into the lens and carefully analysed the burst cheeks cells of Nate Peyton. Upon taking down my answer, we tidied up our table, disposing the used slides and putting the microscope where it belonged.

“Time’s up! The bell will ring any moment. Tidy up your tables if you haven’t and leave your worksheets in the blue tray on my table before you leave the lab. For those who have not completed their worksheet, you and I have a date cleaning up the lab. ” Miss Watkins smiled faintly, as the last bell rang piercingly.

Everyone swiftly gathered their materials and left the lab after depositing their work in the tray. Nate was the first to leave the lab, zooming ahead of everyone, his schoolbag already gone when the rest of us reached our class.

I abruptly realised that this scene was all too familiar and clichéd. It was similar to the stupid Twilight scene where Edward had an aversion to Bella throughout the lab session.

God, was Nate some kind of vampire now?
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I know, this chapter was dumb. Sorry :(
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
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Gah! Please post Chapter 11 soon! I'll be thinking about that all day now...

Your first part in Nate's POV:

However, I couldn’t be bothered to lead the way as if I was Mary leading my lost sheep or something and Nathan was busy absorbing information from our biology textbook, being his usual nerdy ‘must-get-A-plus’ self. Nathaniel, was actually engrossed in having a normal conversation with Melody, and naturally too busy to care where we were going, following the crowd blindly.

I loved the simile with the sheep! This paragraph has helped develop your characters and gives the reader insight as to who's POV it is.

I felt a pang of jealously (This should be jealousy, because an adverb doesn't fit here) towards my brother. He was always so gregarious. Everyone liked him because he was so approachable and friendly.

Me? I’m indifferent and a coward. I didn’t have the strength and courage to overcome my past, and this hindered me from making friends.

This also gave insight to Nate's character. By the way, I love your vocabulary here!

In this part you really developed the triplets well, so I'm hoping there's no confusion in future chapters. Also, I'm glad to see Nathaniel's and Melody's relationship build.

Second Part in Melody's POV:

In this part I instantly knew this was Melody's POV. This little detail had to be the dead giveaway:

I tried not to cry, the feeling of being unwanted swelling inside of me once again.

Congratulations on making that clear! Your few details give away a lot of Melody's character. :D

I heard the rustling of papers and the sounds of equipment being moved around, but even then, I could feel the stares in my back.

Stares in my back doesn't really sound right. Maybe stares behind my back?

Slowly unbuttoning my brown sweater in dread, I gulped and slipped off the sweater. I heard soft gasps from around the class as many gawped at my dress, making me feel very exposed.

I tried to act indifferent and peered into the microscope lens, the hand that held the slide firmly down shaking slightly. “Yes, yes, we can see that Miss Keyes is indeed very pretty, but if you’re not done writing your observations in ten minutes, you will be held back to help me clean up the lab. Understood?”

Oooh, I loved this part! It's just that I've gotten to know Melody so well that her typical shyness is so amusing. I'm still sticking to my thoughts that people will view her in a much better way than she views herself.

At the end I was thinking the same thing before Melody mentioned it: it seemed exactly like the first time Edward and Bella really met. Maybe that would explain some of Nate's weirdness, but once again you left your chapter off perfectly. Now I'm torn between thinking Nate's a vampire and calling myself stupid for even thinking it. :)

Overall, I loved this chapter and I believe this may be your best. This seemed like something professionally done and edited. Even if you went at a slow pace, that didn't matter because I was so drawn in with each word. It was all very amusing, so congrats! I'll be waiting impatiently for chapter 11! :D
Last edited by SeleneForeverDream on Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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HaHa. That end part did sound familiar. ^_^

I glanced at my timetable, Biology was next.

The comma there doesn't fit. Maybe change it to a semi colon? It would work better.

Nathaniel, was actually engrossed in having a normal conversation with Melody, and naturally too busy to care where we were going, following the crowd blindly.

You ruined that sentence by putting that at the end. Do something to following the crowd blindly, like making it into another sentence. Also, you don't need that comma after Nathaniel.

He turned to give me a slight nod, before flipping open his textbook to read.

You don't need that comma there.

Throughout the teacher’s half an hour lecture on Diffusion and Osmosis, I didn’t miss the fact that Nate’s chair was inching further and further away from mine, and that most of his back was facing me.

Gosh, I diffusion and osmosis is bad enough as it is, but now it's a proper noun? :wink: You don't have to capitalize it. Also, you don't need the comma between mine and and.

Only Nate and I were avoiding each other like the other had the plague.

The plague? There is more than one plague so put a instead. (psst. Correct me if you know for sure that it needs to be the)

I looked uncertainly and Nate, who didn’t show any indication of wanting to go, so I started to stand up. I heard the sound of the chair scraping the floor as Nate got up and headed to the teacher’s table to fetch the materials.

That was a bad run-on sentence. Some parts didn't make sense, so I suggest you split the two sentences.
Using the tweezers provided, I placed the onion slice on a clear rectangular slide, and pushed the slide under the clips of the microscope. As I leaned in to investigate,

You don't need the comma between slide and and. Also, that second line doesn't make sense to me. Why is it there?

One, I agree with a lot of things with SeleneForeverDream, I just didn't repeat it.
Two, I don't like how the teacher forced Melody to take off the sweater. Most the time, the teachers just let you do whatever.
Three, you used a lot of not needed commas again. You need to watch out for those.

Good job again. :D PM me if you got any questions.
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SeleneForeverDream:
*shifty eyes* Hmm... Is Nate a vampire?

Cat_910:
I think I need to go back and learn how to use my commas properly XD
Aww, you don't like the biology teacher? She just being concerned,
Because its stuffy and hot in the lab but Melody is wearing a sweater.
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"



The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest