Pancakes

A random poem I was inspired to write while eating pancakes. =] Yum, yum!

Pancakes are yummy.
Pancakes are good.
Would you like to try some?
I think that you should!

I know that you want to.
I see it in your eyes.
Just one tasty bite.
And you'll be on a high.

It’s like heaven on Earth.
A bread delicacy.
Just pour on some syrup.
You'll love them, guaranteed!



Tah-dah!!! =]=]=] It's a masterpiece! =P

Pancakes are yummy.

Pancakes are good.

Would you like to try some?

I think that you should!

heheheh this made me laugh so much

I know that you want to.

I see it in your eyes.

Just take a tasty bite.

And I’ll hear your many sighs.

I don't like the last two lines, I think for the second last line it should be:

Just take one tasty bite

flows better
the second, I just don't like it. Let's fix it...?
And I'll hear your many sighs, it just doesn't flow properly with the rest of your poem. I don't know why but it just doesn't. I think it's because the rhyming sounds forced, sighs and eyes. Aargh! But we can't take away the rhyming because this poem is all about
fun and such. So, it's fine I think We'll just leave it.

It’s like heaven on Earth.

A bread delicacy.

Just pour on some syrup.

You will love it. You’ll see.

There's something wrong with the last sentence again.





Overall: I liked this poem. It was fun. However, at some points the rhyming seems too forced, but because this poem was for fun it's fine. It was really funny and good xD
Heheheh masterpiece? Methinks yes (Y)

xD

xoxo

Tehe.. this is so cute! It made me laugh, so theres a plus. I loved this, and couldn't find anything wrong with it. (That hasn't been said. Rhyming and what not.) I like waffles, but, I don't think that would sound too good.. =P
Loved it.
-Emily

I really hate to not give any suggestions, because that's really unhelpful, but I liked it a lot. Such a good, random, poem about pancakes.
Yay to you!
~MV

Cute poem. I once wrote a short story about eating cherries because I have a very strange way of eating them. Anyway...
Your rhyming pattern is constant, but your rythym is off. I kind of like it that way because it's such a fun and spontaneous poem. Still, some of it bothers me, but maybe that's just because I'm a musician.

Pancakes are yummy.
Pancakes are good.
Would you like to try some?
I think that you should!

This stanza was excellent. I could tap my foot with a beat while reading it.

I know that you want to.
I see it in your eyes.
Just take one tasty bite.
And you'll be on a high.

The second line bothers me, but I don't know how you can fix it. In the third line, I would omit "take." Flows better.

It’s like heaven on Earth.
A bread delicacy.
Just pour on some syrup.
You will love them. You’ll see.

This is another second line that I can't fix. You have to say "delicacy" too quickly to make it sound like the actual word. You can't spread the syllables, if that makes sense. On the last line, I would say: "You'll love them. You'll see." Keeps the rythym.

Overall, fun poem. I'm probably taking it too seriously, but...
I liked it!
-Sea-

This poem is short and fun.
Somehow I don't hink that there is a deeper meaning to it....(than God)...:L
Ha, I enjoyed it but I do think that the last line should be changed from
"You 'll love them. You'll see"

to

"you'll love them, i guarantee."

or something like that.!

other than that it was great:D

Well, I only have one thing to say...

I love pancakes...

really, and totally seriously, I love pancakes.
my favorite food.

so this poem rocks, I loved the flow, and the subject, and the random-ness-ish-ocity

yeah, that's what I thought too.

great poem, this review is not very helpful...
Pancakes are Gooooooood.

Peace,
God

However, at some points the rhyming seems too forced, but because this poem was for fun it's fine.

I agree the rhyming was forced at points. I disagree that it's fine because the was for fun. Even light verse can and should be good. Keep working on it.
-BFG