I agree with Scarecrow. I mean, this is a song right? I liked that the poem/song made me understand the situation. Because the language was easy and everything was laid out and I understand the emotion going through the poem. I know what it is but I don't feel it in the words. Make it more... uh, vivid, I guess.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you.
I, too, think it should go into the song section. But, can't change that now...=]
I feel the pain of this girl. She just wants the guy to see that she loves him and that he's leading her on. Gosh, guys like that should just go to another part of the world. =/
At least at the end of the song the girl says she isn't going to wait forever. Good for her! =]
I love this piece as far as the reality of this particular life scenario. But as a song I think mabye it should be a little more lyrical, more flowing. I also think it could use a more personal touch. This sort of theme is very common amoung young writers and I think you should add more of you into it, get personally creative and make it stand out amoung the others.
Overall, it's a great piece. Extremely relatable.
"In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?'"
