And,
HappyNewYear!!!
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They say love is an overpowering emotion. Whoever ‘they’ are couldn’t have said it better.
We knew each other as friends. I never knew when I fell in love with him or how. I realized that I was insanely attracted to him when I became conscious of my eyes flitting toward him. I would look away immediately, my heart racing at a hundred beats per second. I was always sub-consciously aware of what he was doing. My eyes would always find him in a crowd.
He isn’t your lean, muscular, hot hunk. He is a fat, cute, smart guy. I wish I could say my fat, cute, smart guy. But we weren’t meant to be. We were just friends.
Talking to him sent bolts of lightning through me. My hands became cold and I desperately hoped I wasn't blushing.
I thought I had been one of those who could put on a poker face whenever called for, but I guess I was wrong.
On one day, I was walking out of my seat when my hand accidentally brushed against him. I tensed up. My palms started to sweat and I felt myself reddening.
“Sorry”, I mumbled, without looking into his dark brown eyes, so dark that it was almost black.
“Hey, no probs”, he replied.
Tara, my friend called me over. She had a malicious grin plastered on her face, with her eyes gleaming. I recognized this look as her 'gossip-face.' She was bursting to tell me something.
I looked at her questioningly. “What?”
She beckoned me over and said, “So do you like him or do you like him?”
I put on a puzzled look. “Huh?”
“Oh come on, don’t give me bull-shit. I have seen you perking up at the mention of Aaron’s name. Tell me. Spit it out.”
“Tara!” I exclaimed. “How could you think like that? Of course not! It’s not true. I DO NOT like him.”
“Fine, suit yourself. But hey, cool it, 'kay? ”
I could see that she was a upset at this outburst, but I didn't care. I didn't like displaying my inner thoughts for everyone to see.
My head replayed this scene played this scene every time I spoke to him. My thoughts almost always had something to do with him. I never dared to ask him out, nor did I ever show any signs of attraction, for fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of disappointment.
Fear of losing a friend.
Fear of not having to think about him.
I was insanely in love with him. Every time Tara brought out the topic, I forced myself to convince her that I did not like him. Sometimes, I think I said it a little too strongly in hope of convincing myself to forget him. I had forced myself to believe it to be just another crush.
I am a college girl now. The school days are behind me. In these past three years in college, I have learned a lot; on how to forget the past, move on with life and live the present.
I slumped into the chair in front of the computer and logged in into my inbox. Nestled between all the annoying forwards (which I ignore) was an invitation.
Our class was meeting up for a re-union party, 2 weeks from now. I was thrilled at the prospect of meeting all my old friends with whom I haven’t kept contact. Amidst these thoughts surfaced those which made me tingle.
Aaron.
I tensed at thought of meeting him after all these years. What would he look like? Would he still have that messy hairstyle? Would he be the cute and fat guy I fell in love with - the one with whom I still am in love?
Even though we hadn’t spoken for over 3 years, my heart still skipped a beat or two when I thought of him.
The rest of the days sped by in a blur of end-of-semester exams and last-minute project submissions.
The party was going great with people showing off their moves on the dance floor. I was never much of a dancer. I was sipping punch, careful not to spill any on my new black dress and scanning the crowd of dancers when I heard a voice.
“Hi Leona.”
“Hi!” I said, looking into those deep brown eyes that I had missed so much. He looked exactly the same, except that he had grown taller and his voice had broken. I was slightly surprised at first but then I felt pleased to seem him.
"So how's life? What's your college like?" I asked him.
"Mmmm good. College is well... college-ish, I guess?"
The conversation went on for a while with both of us talking of mundane things and how we missed school. After that, I walked around aimlessly talking to my friends every now and then. As I headed back to the buffet table, I noticed Aaron by the water dispenser.
He called me over and I saw his face had changed, there was something bothering him. His eyes looked troubled and I wondered what could have brought about such a sudden change. It was just about an hour ago that we were happily chatting.
He opened his mouth as if to say something but nothing came out of it. "Umm... yeah?" I asked. He shuffled his feet and smoothened his tie. It looked as if he was Atlas carrying a heavy boulder upon his shoulders.
“Leona, I don’t know how long I can bottle this up within me any more. I love you. I have loved you ever since you moved to our school. I never could bring myself round to saying it. I shall understand if you say no.”
Oh My God! I thought to myself. I did not see that coming.
I stood rooted to the spot. Tears were streaming down my face as I looked into his eyes. They didn't look so troubled anymore. They looked relieved. My head felt dizzy as I played out these past couple of minutes. The minutes I would never forget.
He said after a momentary pause, “Fine, I guess I’ll take that as a no.” He started to walk off, obviously disappointed.
“No”, I whispered. Aaron turned back.
“Aaron, I’m... I’m not crying because of that. I… I…” More tears flowed down my face as I walked up to him and kissed him full on the lips.
He was slightly startled but soon, he bent over to kiss me. His smooth, cold lips pressed tightly against mine. Blood rushed to my ears as his mouthed coaxed my mouth open. Our tongues danced with each other even if we didn't dance on the dance floor.
He pulled me over to the shadows of the party hall, his hands running all over me. I just hugged him tighter than ever, thanking God for bringing us together.
We were two lovers, intertwined and melting away in those shadows.
