The Mad Hatter's Tea Party

Alice stumbled out of the forest, which, when she looked back, seemed little more than a clump of trees.
“That is the last time I listen to a cat,” she muttered to herself.
“Who goes there?” boomed a scratchy voice from somewhere ahead.
Alice looked up to answer, but stopped when she saw an enormous table spread out many miles into the distance before her. There were hundreds of chairs, including a plush armchair right at the head, at least six miles away. The whole thing was covered in a white tablecloth and set with knives, forks, spoons and plates for every chair. If she squinted, Alice could just barely make out three figures huddled at the very end. Cautiously she made her way through the long grass to the head of the table. There was no food or drink and no other guests at this rather strange dinner party.
Eventually Alice reached the head of the table.
“Who goes there?” the voice repeated and Alice saw it came from a rather old man in a big top hat, an orange striped coat and a large polkadot bowtie.
“I do,” Alice replied, but thought that he should know that, as she was standing right in front of him. “Who are you?”
“Who am I?” the man asked. “Who am I?” His voice got louder every time he repeated it. “WHO am I?” by now the man’s face was red and he had climbed atop the table. “I…” he took a deep breath and exhaled, telling her in a calmer voice than he had begun with, “am the Mad Hatter.”
“I see.” Alice moved to sit down, tired from her long walk to this end of the table. At once the Mad Hatter and his friend, a sort of rabbit, began to yell.
“No room! No room!” they said over and over.
Alice looked down to the other end of the table and back again at the three strange people, sitting huddled together at the corner of the table. She sat down on the plush armchair next to them.
“There’s plenty of room,” she replied and they stopped chanting.
The Mad Hatter continued to sip from his cup, which Alice noticed was empty. It was as if she hadn’t arrived!
“Please tell me, Mr. Rabbit,” she asked the Mad Hatter’s companion, “do you know the white rabbit?”
The rabbit paid her no mind. Alice looked to see why the third member of the party had not uttered a word the whole time, and saw that the little dormouse was fast asleep and being used as a cushion by the other two.
“Excuse me,” Alice reached over and tapped the rabbit on the shoulder. He jumped.
“Who are you? Where did you come from?” he started spouting questions at her, despite the fact that he had answered none of hers.
“I am Alice and I’ve been here for a while,” she told him.
“Oh. I see.” The rabbit straightened his waistcoat and returned to his teacup, which was also empty.
“Mr. Rabbit?” Alice asked.
“Who on earth are you talking to, child?” the rabbit asked.
“You!” Alice replied. She was becoming frustrated.
“Me?! I am no rabbit!” he got up onto the table, obviously trying to repeat the Mad Hatter’s display.
“He’s the March Hare,” the Mad Hatter muttered. From somewhere he had acquired a newspaper and was flipping through it. The March Hare appeared quite crestfallen and sat back down without a dramatic introduction.
“Yes,” he sighed, “I am.”
“Would any of you know where I could find the white rabbit?” Alice asked, but the two ignored her.
“Have some wine.” The Mad Hatter did nothing to offer her some wine.
“No, thankyou,” Alice replied.
“Then have some tea,” the March Hare offered.
“Or some cake,” suggested the Mad Hatter.
“We have delicious scones.”
“But the tea is better!”
“Or if you really dislike it, you can have water.”
“How about some wine?”
Alice looked all over the table but couldn’t see any of the things she had been offered.
“I can’t see any wine, tea, cake, scones or water here,” Alice told them.
“There isn’t any, silly child.” The March Hare passed his empty cup to the Mad Hatter, who tipped the teapot as if there were something in it. The March Hare sipped as if there were something in it.
By now Alice was well and truly fed up with this party.
“What kind of dinner party is this?” she asked.
“Dinner party?” both the Mad Hatter and the March Hare rose this time.
“It is a tea party, stupid girl,” the dormouse cried and fell back asleep.
“I believe our cushion just spoke!” the Mad Hatter exclaimed and he and the March Hare stared at it incredulously.
“It’s a dormouse, not a cushion,” Alice told them.
“Shush, silly child,” the March Hare said, and then to the Mad Hatter he said, “make it say something else.”
“You are very cruel, treating your friend as a pillow!” Alice exclaimed.
“This is a cushion, not a friend, silly child!” the Mad Hatter replied. Alice began to wonder if they remembered her name at all.
“You are all very odd and very rude.” Alice rose from the table.
“You cannot leave!” the Mad Hatter yelled.
“Why not?” Alice genuinely wanted to know.
“Once you join the party, you must wait until the end,” the March Hare explained.
Alice stuck up her nose at them. She would not stay a moment longer. As the March Hare and the Mad Hatter began to poke their dormouse friend, Alice ran away as far as she could, running until she found a garden of roses. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare continued to sip their imaginary tea and try to force the dormouse to talk, as if Alice had never arrived at all.

This is a rewriting of the Mad Hatter’s tea party scene in Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland.

So, I really really like this, which is why I'm being nit-picky. Okay? Okay. Here it goes. :)

chichi wrote:Alice stumbled out of the forest, which, when she looked back, seemed little more than a clump of trees.
“That is the last time I listen to a cat,” she muttered to herself.
“Who goes there?” boomed a scratchy voice from somewhere ahead. (Can a scratchy voice boom?)
Alice looked up to answer, but stopped when she saw an enormous table spread out many miles into the distance before her. There were hundreds of chairs, including a plush armchair right at the head, at least six miles away. (Okay, who can see six miles into the distance?) The whole thing was covered in a white tablecloth and set with knives, forks, spoons and plates for every chair. If she squinted, Alice could just barely make out three figures huddled at the very end. Cautiously she made her way through the long grass to the head of the table. There was no food or drink and no other guests at this rather strange dinner party.
Eventually Alice reached the head of the table.
“Who goes there?” the voice repeated (comma) and Alice saw it came from a rather old man in a big top hat, an orange striped coat and a large polkadot bowtie. (Polka-dotted - I think.)
“I do,” Alice replied, but thought that he should know that, as she was standing right in front of him. “Who are you?”
“Who am I?” the man asked. “Who am I?” His voice got louder every time he repeated it. “WHO am I?” by now the man’s face was red and he had climbed atop the table. “I…” [s]he [/s](He) took a deep breath and exhaled, telling her in a calmer voice than he had begun with, “am the Mad Hatter.”
“I see.” Alice moved to sit down, tired from her long walk to this end of the table. At once the Mad Hatter and his friend, a sort of rabbit, began to yell.
“No room! No room!” they said over and over.
Alice looked down to the other end of the table and back again at the three strange people, sitting huddled together at the corner of the table. She sat down on the plush armchair next to them.
“There’s plenty of room,” she replied (comma) and they stopped chanting.
The Mad Hatter continued to sip from his cup, which Alice noticed was empty. It was as if she hadn’t arrived!
“Please tell me, Mr. Rabbit,” she asked the Mad Hatter’s companion, “do you know the white rabbit?”
The rabbit paid her no mind. Alice looked to see why the third member of the party had not uttered a word the whole time, and saw that the little dormouse was fast asleep and being used as a cushion by the other two.
“Excuse me,” (period instead of comma) Alice reached over and tapped the rabbit on the shoulder. He jumped.
“Who are you? Where did you come from?” he started spouting questions at her, despite the fact that he had answered none of hers.
“I am Alice and I’ve been here for a while,” she told him.
“Oh. I see.” The rabbit straightened his waistcoat and returned to his teacup, which was also empty.
“Mr. Rabbit?” Alice asked.
“Who on earth are you talking to, child?” the rabbit asked.
“You!” Alice replied. She was becoming frustrated.
“Me?! I am no rabbit!” he got up onto the table, obviously trying to repeat the Mad Hatter’s display.
“He’s the March Hare,” the Mad Hatter muttered. From somewhere he had acquired a newspaper and was flipping through it. The March Hare appeared quite crestfallen and sat back down without a dramatic introduction. (Teehee.)
“Yes,” he sighed, “I am.”
“Would any of you know where I could find the white rabbit?” Alice asked, but the two ignored her.
“Have some wine.” The Mad Hatter did nothing to offer her some wine.
“No, thank you,” Alice replied.
“Then have some tea,” the March Hare offered.
“Or some cake,” suggested the Mad Hatter.
“We have delicious scones.”
“But the tea is better!”
“Or if you really dislike it, you can have water.”
“How about some wine?”
Alice looked all over the table but couldn’t see any of the things she had been offered.
“I can’t see any wine, tea, cake, scones or water here,” Alice told them.
“There isn’t any, silly child.” The March Hare passed his empty cup to the Mad Hatter, who tipped the teapot as if there were something in it. The March Hare sipped as if there were something in it.
By now Alice was well and truly fed up with this party.
“What kind of dinner party is this?” she asked.
“Dinner party?” both the Mad Hatter and the March Hare rose this time.
“It is a tea party, stupid girl,” the dormouse cried and fell back asleep.
“I believe our cushion just spoke!” the Mad Hatter exclaimed and he and the March Hare stared at it incredulously.
“It’s a dormouse, not a cushion,” Alice told them.
“Shush, silly child,” the March Hare said, and then to the Mad Hatter he said, “make it say something else.”
“You are very cruel, treating your friend as a pillow!” Alice exclaimed.
“This is a cushion, not a friend, silly child!” the Mad Hatter replied. Alice began to wonder if they remembered her name at all.
“You are all very odd and very rude.” Alice rose from the table.
“You cannot leave!” the Mad Hatter yelled.
“Why not?” Alice genuinely wanted to know.
“Once you join the party, you must wait until the end,” the March Hare explained.
Alice stuck up her nose at them. She would not stay a moment longer. As the March Hare and the Mad Hatter began to poke their dormouse friend, Alice ran away as far as she could, running until she found a garden of roses. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare continued to sip their imaginary tea and try to force the dormouse to talk, as if Alice had never arrived at all.

This is a rewriting of the Mad Hatter’s tea party scene in Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland.

Hola chichi.

“Who goes there?” boomed a scratchy voice from somewhere ahead.

I think boom and scratchy sort of contradicts. I think nixing 'scratchy' would work better.

There was no food or drink and no other guests at this rather strange dinner party.

This bit here could had been integrated earlier in the piece when you were describing the cutlery and the table itself. This sentence isn't as strong as I would had hoped, because right now it seems as though it's just shoved there.

Alice looked down to the other end of the table and back again at the three strange people, sitting huddled together at the corner of the table. She sat down on the plush armchair next to them.

Why would Alice want to join their tea party though?

The Mad Hatter continued to sip from his cup, which Alice noticed was empty. It was as if she hadn’t arrived!

Nix the last sentence here. I think it's redundant.

Summary:

Overall, this was quite well written, but it's mildly entertaining. I think it's because there's a lack of definite answers in the piece. As a result, there's very little for me to search for in this piece. When I'm reading a novel, I like solid answers and actual progression of the narrative. This piece however lacks that. It's just plain waffle, even though it's rather cute and strange ( I know what Alice in Wonderland is).

1)Why's Alice willing to join the tea party?

This is your biggest flaw with the piece. I didn't find anything that would suggest to me as to why she would join the tea party. Was she curious? Why was she curious? Is it because she was forced to join the tea-party? You need to explain this to the audience. You can't just leave it us to figure out Alice's motivations and reasons.

2)Weak plot

The opening sentences does a decent job of establishing the situation at hand, but what follows doesn't exactly hold much depth to it. It was basically an argument between Alice and the denizens at the tea-party as to whether it's one thing or another. It doesn't exactly hold much for me. I would much rather get into an argument with one of my friends than read about it in a fantasy piece. What really annoyed me is that none of the questions which were brought up throughout the piece were actually answered/resolved at the end. It was just Alice running away. I want to know why the Mad Hatter tells Alice that she is unable to leave the party until finished, why they are pretending to have a tea party etc etc. If these answers are not answered, then I actually question the relevance of this piece.

3)Little characterisation

The characterisation in this piece was also quite poor. They don't really seem like actual living creates to me. They are so flat. The Mad Hatter pretty much acts as the intimidating announcer and nothing else while the Hare just argues with Alice and acts snobby. What more can you say about the characters in Alice in Wonderland? Try bringing the characters out in various limelights (eg: instead of just arguing, have Alice and Hare talking/interacting to get to know each other better).

I'm sorry if I was harsh, but I think you could had done a much better job with this. Your writing style is solid, but it needs to be fleshed out more.

Anyways, I hope my critique has helped. Feel free to PM me if you have any problems.

Take care chichi.

Alleria.

There is something a little dry in the dialogue. I think it stems from the lack of characterization. One major thing that made Alice in Wonderland great was how astonishingly foolish the characters were. Although this feeds off the book, it is still important to make it interesting and fresh in your own way. You can't expect the novel to do all the work for you--or else it's like an effortless, unimaginative peice. I don't see you're own style in this.

It'd be cool if you rewrote this with your own voice.

Good luck,
medusa.

I really liked that, I think it was the longest story I've bothered to read on here. I ecspecially liked the part where the rabbit got mad because Alice called him a name that wasn't his.. haha.

Sorry I couldn't be more constructive.

Great Writing.