theatre fantastique

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Theatre Fantastique


The curtains are a burnt orange, but with none of the allure of fire. Yet, staring at the moth-eaten cloth, she is reminded of fire. Many people calculate their lives in months or days, perhaps in victories—but she is no Bonaparte. Her life is marked by fires, from birth to these ragged curtains. She takes a ragged breath and steps onto stage, waiting for applause that would never come. The audience, as she has expected, are no where to be found—other than the wiry old janitor sweeping the aisles (he’s been sweeping for a lifetime, poor fellow), and three fat men in tweed suits. She wonders if, hypothetically, it is some sick joke of theirs—with nothing to do on a Friday evening but to watch a lasting performance. They will get more than they paid for this night in the theatre.

She is dressed in a very gothic black lace, from her chin to her toes. Itchy. It’s just a small sacrifice for dramatic effect, she thinks. She always knew she was a born actress, and now she would have to work harder than ever to prove it. She quietly greets the empty red chairs, a small red smile playing on her lips as she throws her hands out to welcome them. She’ll play along. She hears the slow shuffle behind her, and lets a little whispy breath out and turns to smile coldly at the magician. She tries to make her eyes solid block, instead of windows. Windows to the soul—isn’t that what their called? Such nonsense.

He is fat and balding, a typical greaser. Wearing a thick black suit, his thick face ballooning magenta over his tight collar. Every word is a spit, every spit a bomb. She is fine with everything today; she won’t let his beady little eyes rolling over her tiny frame to bother her. She won’t let his sweaty palms on her shoulder like a heavy weight bother her. Not today. He speaks and it is a shower of nonsense and spittle.

‘Ladies and germs, welcome to the Fantastique…’

There is a giant wooden box with two slits on either side. It is over seven feet tall, but the width goes no further than her little waist. It has never failed her. His creation, but she’s the one that makes it special. She puts the act on perfectly, as he rambles about the old traditions, scoffing at rabbit-in-the-hat as if he’s a hidden genius. He receives a few tight-lipped claps from the men. What a life. It makes her wonder how some people can wake up and prepare for life this way, and endless charade. He is forever entertaining others, but where does his own fortune lie in that? What will happen when the few that come to watch his foolishness leave? Will he even throw his feet out from under the covers, or will he stay forever, dying in a pool of self-pity?

As she enters the box, the second thoughts come to her like a wave crashing onto shore. She has flirted with her feelings like a secret paramour, come close to facing them and then run off like a little girl playing in a field of flowers. She is no longer a child—she has passed that, and passed the stages of middle and elderly, not quite twenty-four. It seems the years deemed for wrinkles and age have approached her through life’s eyes and now she understands how things work. She knows change is for those who are born with the innate ability to become more than destiny designs. She knows, deep where the concaves of her emotions fall, that change is not for her. She has lived past her years, and does not wish to relive them until she dies. One lifetime is more than enough, thank you.

She slips into the cramped space and decides against second thoughts. Second thoughts are nothing but trouble. She should go with the gut, and that brings her to the wooden box. Clever, and sad really, how she’ll die in a coffin—a wooden, splintered coffin, no less. She closes her eyes and focuses. The trap door beneath her feet taunts her with other options. She could run away, find somewhere else to live out her existence—but that would solve nothing. She would be living the same shell of life, shedding the skin does not change the mold.

She does not want to leave with his voice as her last memory, so she thinks back to a time when she could call herself happy. Yes, cliché, but life is nothing but one big cliché. She reminds herself of the times she was called ‘beautiful’. If only skin-deep, it’s worth something, isn’t it? She holds onto this thought and it soon drones out his whiny, wheezy voice.

And when the knives slip into her, it’s like nothing she’s ever felt before.
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?




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Hey Medusa,

These are the only typos I found:

She tries to make her eyes solid block, instead of windows.

Did you mean "black"?

Windows to the soul—isn’t that what their called?

You want "they're", not "their".

The audience, as she has expected, are no where to be found

I think you want "is", not "are".

I liked the beginning lines the best, especially these first few:

The curtains are a burnt orange, but with none of the allure of fire. Yet, staring at the moth-eaten cloth, she is reminded of fire. Many people calculate their lives in months or days, perhaps in victories—but she is no Bonaparte. Her life is marked by fires, from birth to these ragged curtains.

I like the imagery you used, but I had to read this twice before I completely understood what had happened. I liked this, though - PM me if you do something with it.

Best wishes,
Evenstar




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Medusa! *hugs* I haven't read anything by you since, well, my contest. But it was a great while before that. And did you ever claim your prize? I need to get myself organized. But here I go with reviewing.

with nothing to do on a Friday evening but to watch a lasting performance.

I'm not sure what you mean by "lasting". It's a bit unclear.

She is dressed in a very gothic black lace, from her chin to her toes.

Is "very gothic" necessary for the description? Black lace, very gothic lace, make me think the same thing. Maybe weed out those words.

She is fine with everything today; she won’t let his beady little eyes rolling over her tiny frame [s]to[/s] bother her.

No "to".

Will he even throw his feet out from under the covers, or will he stay forever, dying in a pool of self-pity?

This sentence seems out of the blue, as there was no self-pity previously shown or described by the magician or the audience. The audience seemed stoic, and the magician, cocky. So it's unclear who this self-pity is being applied to.

This is really beautifully written, and you have a lot of heavy emotion coming through the introspection that is very touching. The descriptions are very lovely, and I only need to comment on the plot behind all the imagery.

The beginning confuses me, because you say her life is marked by fires, but then you don't explore this concept further. You start with the images of fire, so it seems that it is important to the woman, yet you never say why. Beyond that, to the decision for her suicide - it seems like the decision is too abrupt, and though I know you said she dismissed second thoughts, I feel the reader wasn't given enough actual evidence as to why she found her own life miserable enough that she wanted to end it. For a good part of the story, you were commenting on how she looks down on the magician and the audience and the world, yet she makes up her mind when she is thinking of herself.

Why? And what is the connection with fire? This is beautiful, what you've written, but when it comes to the story I believe you can expand on it. Or expand more onto the main character, and what about herself makes her reach this conclusion.

PM me with questions!

~ Clo
How am I not myself?




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Hello Medusa! I'm Conrad, and I will be your reviewer for today! *giggles* Anyways, let's get down to business, shall we?

The curtains are a burnt orange, but with none of the allure of fire. Yet, staring at the moth-eaten cloth, she is reminded of fire.


I would cut the word fire from the second sentence, since you ended the first one with it as well. Consider replacing it with, 'that very thing.'

Windows to the soul—isn’t that what their called?


'They're' instead of their.

He is fat and balding, a typical greaser.


I don't know if you mean 'geezer' instead of 'greaser'. Geezer would seem to fit better here, since you don't appear to make any other references to his race.

And, that's enough of my nitpickery. So, now for some overall comments. I did like your main character. From that first paragraph where she described her life as being marked by fires, I was instantly hooked on both her and this story. Well done on that part.

When the main character began to talk about dying, you started to lose me. I know that she did die, but was there a malfunction with the magic equipment, or was that a part of the show from the beginning. Or, and this is just pure speculation on my part, but perhaps she and the magician are both ghosts endlessly repeating their last performance over and over again. In any case, you may consider explaining what is going on there just a tad more. Not too much though, or you'll lose the wonderful sense of mystery that you have woven here.

So, all in all, a very good story. You just need to clean up a few things and it will be great. Don't hesitate to PM me if you have any questions. Good luck with this. :)
Garrus Vakarian is my homeboy.




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Hi there!

I have to say this was a particularly interesting read. The narrator really caught me. At first I didn't felt so interested, but for some reason the voice of the narrator, and the main character, held me. It has something dark and contemplative about it. Even though you start a lot of your sentences with "she" (something you might want to look into shaking up) it works well because they're all contemplations about her. It kind of reminded me of Kafka.

I was confused in some places, for example you say she is twenty four, but.... wrinkled and such? Is her body truly aged? I'm also lost at the end - was she killed? But if this was her magic trick, wouldn't she have lived? The loose ends you have, for the reader to comprehend, are nice because you leave so much room but I feel like you leave almost too much room for me to grasp everything.

I did enjoy it, but I think the beginning could be more grasping and that you could explain at least a little more, to clear up the confusion. It was great to read. ^^ Thanks!
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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Oh boy, do I love the theatre.

She takes a ragged breath and steps onto stage, waiting for applause that would never come.


You already used "ragged" in the previous sentence. Also, why is it so hard to breathe for her?

Windows to the soul—isn’t that what their called?


Not "their", they're. They are. They're.

Wearing a thick black suit, his thick face ballooning magenta over his tight collar.


More repetition of words. Unless you use 'thick' more than twice (which is usually to make a point), it is excessive, as in this case.

Yes, cliché, but life is nothing but one big cliché.


Don't point yourself out as a cliché. Very annoying how you are cynical of yourself.

This is quite a depressing piece, although I'm sure that's how you intended it.
Does anyone else smell books when they read them?




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1. I should remove the bit about fires, I was going to end it with a fire, but I changed my mind.

2. Sorry it was a bit confusing, my writing is always very vague and aloof. I'll try to clear it up.

Thanks!
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?



If it wasn't for poetry, I couldn't express myself.
— Rosendorn