Act 3, Scene 1
The scene is in the band room. The entire band is there, all but Bottom frantically studying music sheets on the other side of the room. Bottom strides in, muttering to himself.
Bottom: Missing potions, insubordinate minions, what’s next! A failed plan? Hah! Like that would ever happen! (Registering that everyone is there) You’re all here? Good. Let’s get going then.
Quince: L-let’s perform th-the song on p-p-page 1…
Bottom: No. Page 10. That’s what we’ll be performing.
Quince: I… I… I th-thought we’d be doing page 1…
Bottom: That would never work. We’d need much more talent than just good singer to pull that off, and I suspect that’s all we have.
Tom: You’re right! I should have thought of that!
Snug: I think we’ll have to get rid of a lot of songs if that’s the case…
Bottom: It will work. Because although now you may all be talentless minions by the end of today you will be proficient enough to highlight my magnificent singing skills. Am I right?
He glares around at the assembled group, who all nod furiously as if trying to agree with him more. Except Flute, who does nods only slowly, processing what was said. Bottom’s gaze again lingers on him but seems to accept it as OK.
Quince: S-so we’ll practice. W-we’ll w-work from n-now until t-the p-party t-tonight, only b-breaking for s-supper.
Bottom: I think that the entire time would be more appropriate. Good. Now that that’s settled…
The group shares a look, and Flute interrupts to voice their concern.
Flute: Bottom, I think we need time to eat, we can’t go on hungry. Let’s go with Quince’s suggestion.
Bottom: Fine then, pathetic. How much time do you need to eat?
Flute: Well, if we’re going to be practicing straight through until the party I’d say... an hour, at least.
Bottom: That much? Are you insane!
Flute: Yes, that much. And no, I am not insane, (mumbling) but you might be…
Bottom: What did you say, minion? Never mind, whatever comes out of your feeble mouth is not worth repeating. Very well then, you can have an hour to eat. But I warn you, I grow weary of granting your feeble requests. You don’t want to make me angry. (Beat) And don’t talk so much.
Snug: Should we play very loud? I’m good at that.
Tom: Oh yes, what a worry. I’m just not sure…
Bottom: No! Play quietly, as quiet as you can. The principal must hear my voice, it is a part of the plan. (He laughs manically, again ending in a cough)
Quince: W-where should we p-p-put the p-p-podium?
Bottom: Must I do everything! Is it not obvious! The podium must stand at the back of the band so that it does not hide me from the audience.
Flute: Won’t we have to look over our shoulder all the time then?
Bottom: Nonsense! I know what I’m doing! Trust me…
Quince: L-lets p-practice now. Everyone w-warm up.
Everyone gathers his instrument. They are surprised when instead of the guitar they were expecting Snug brings out a bass, which is hugely disproportionate to his size. Everyone stares for a little bit, but then Robin begins playing a piece on the piano and everyone shifts their gaze to him and droops, mesmerized. Puck slips in during the song, carrying a knapsack, but seems unaffected by the music. He hides behind the bass case which has been propped against the wall. The playing ends and Bottom snaps out of the trance first and snaps to attention.
Bottom: That’s enough warm up!
Quince: Right! Bottom! Step up to the microphone please! That’s the way. Flute, to yours. We’ll start on page 1. No, no if ands or buts about it, we’re good enough Bottom. And a one two three go!
Everyone goes to their tasks slightly dreamily, even Bottom. When the piano starts the introduction though they are jarred roughly out of that fuzzy warm feeling. It is awful. They stop and stare at Robin who goes bright red and answers their unspoken query.
Robin: I- I can’t play rock very well… It’s just so fast….
Bottom looks disgusted. They continue on but the mood is totally broken. As the others start joining in it gets worse and worse. Quince’s directing becomes erratic and totally off beat and everyone looking over their shoulders is not working. When Bottom joins in they hit rock bottom. He can’t sing at all. At the end Flute joins in, the only one who can sing. His voice soars above the rest like an angels and Bottom gets a greedy look in his eye. They finish the song with a crash of misplaced drumming. Quince speaks, watching Bottom, but his focus is on Flute.
Quince: W-w-well th-that w-was only our f-first t-time, w-we’ll get b-be-t-ter…
Quince flinches visibly as Bottom turns to address the group.
Bottom: Good run through. Let’s take a break.
Quince sighs in relief, and then realized what bottom just said, and looks at Bottom oddly, as does the rest of the band. Meanwhile Bottom has grabbed Flute and pulled him aside to talk, right by the bass case where Puck is hiding. He tries to look small, but is badly hidden. Bottom does not notice, he is single minded at the moment. Flute, used to being unnoticed does see Puck and recognizes him. Flute breaks into a smile and opens his mouth but Puck makes frantic shushing motions and Flute stays quiet.
Bottom: You’ve got some voice! I’ll cut to the heart of it then. I want you to sing for me. I may be stunning with my own voice of course, but you… well you’re amazing. So how about it? Do we announce you as the lead and me as the tenor?
Flute is staring at him incredulously; he’s heard this deal before. He’s shaking his head violently, but Bottom is ignoring it. He opens his mouth to speak, but Bottom cuts him off.
Bottom: Good, that’s settled then. Great doing business with you.
Bottom moves to leave and Flute stares after him dumfounded at his single minded stubbornness. He grabs his arm and pulls him back.
Flute: No! I will not be your voice. Are you out of your mind? I already have that kind of job, and I’m not taking on two at once, especially when the first one sucks so much. What is with everyone and my voice anyways?
This time it is Bottom who is dumbfounded. He’s used to Quince’s not resisting. Puck looks sorry for Flute, and grabs paper and a pen out of his backpack and starts scribbling hastily.
Bottom: But… But… You’ll have prestige, girls, everything that comes with being the lead singer! You’d turn that down?
Flute: Yes. I will not sing for you. I will not lend you my voice, my mind, or anything but my presence in this band. And I’m not even doing that for you.
Puck takes out the Plan Z bottle and a pop can from his bag, opening it and pouring some Plan Z in.
Bottom: (Snapping his fingers) I know what it is! You want money don’t you! That’s easy, I’ll give you $100 to sing for me, even if it’s just this party.
Puck tries to catch Flutes attention again waving his arms around. When gets it he puts his fingers to his lips and then moves on to hold up a sign which says “Leave him to me”, which Flute reads before responding to Bottom.
Flute: No. I won’t be bought, and I won’t sing for you.
Flute walks away, leaving Bottom dumbstruck yet again. The others have moved to the other side of the room and are sneaking fugitive glances at Bottom. Flute joins them and beckons them out into the hallway (offstage). Puck comes out from his hiding place behind Bottom and speaks, making him jump.
Puck: Nice place ya’ have here, but it’s not nearly as nice as mine.
Bottom: (Surprised) Wh-where did you come from?
Puck: What, ya’ mean ya’ haven’t invented a transporter yet? What kind of evil genius are ya’?
Bottom: (Offended) Of course I have! I just… don’t have it with me right now. (Suspicious) Wait… what do you want anyways?
Puck: I’m just here checkin’ out the competition, ya’ know, for who will rule the school next.
Bottom: Well then you should just forget even trying! This school is mine! Mine I tell you!
Bottom evil laughs but trails off pathetically when he realizes how oddly Puck is looking at him.
Puck: I doubt it! See this drink? (He brandishes it) This is the evil plan that’ll take over the school! (He puts it down)
Bottom: It will not!
Puck: It will!
Bottom: Not!
Puck: Will!
Bottom: Not infinity! (Bottom looks smug, then curious) What does it do anyways?
Puck: It’ll change me in ta’ the superintendant so that I can fire the principal and take over his job.
Bottom: Will it? I don’t believe you!
Puck: It will!
Bottom: Not infinity! Got you again!
Bottom sticks out his tongue but realizes how immature he’s being and pulls it back in quickly, coughing. Puck acts disgusted that he lost.
Puck: Whatever. Have fun with YOUR little plan, whatever it is.
Puck saunters out, leaving his drink behind. Bottom yells after him.
Bottom: It’s not little! And why don’t you just teleport out you- you lackey! Wait, what’s this? He left his plan behind?
Bottom notices the pop can and grins. Picking it up, he takes a sip and smiles.
Bottom: It looks like I’ll be ruling here a little sooner than planed! (Evil laugh) The wonderful power! Now I can take over the school, look stunningly handsome, and rid myself of that meddling Flute all at once! Where is Quince? I need to tell him the band is off.
Bottom wanders off one side of the stage just as the rest of the band enters the other side. Neither notices the others. Puck slips in the room behind them, and hides behind the piano.
Quince: I know he’s odd… and scary… and that his laugh can freeze boiling water, but he’s still my fri- master, and I can’t have you saying that he’s evil!
Snug: Isn’t it obvious? You only have to look at him to know it! All those plans and schemes…
Tom: The black cloak…
Snug: And the black cloak.
Quince: I know! I know! But he’s still my friend!
Bottom re-enters. His face is a bright green color. Puck stifles wild laughter.
Bottom: Make way! Make way! Mad scientist, uh, superintendent coming through! (Seeing Quince) There you are Quince! I want to tell you…
Quince: R-r-run! He may be a f-f-friend, but that’s just not normal!
The band stampedes off stage, leaving equipment helter skelter. Bottom is baffled.
Bottom: What’s come over them? And why did Quince call me a friend? Surly he understands that he is a lackey and nothing more. Oh I know! They must have realized just how evil I am! I must be looking stunning!
He strikes an evil pose. Titania wanders in, mumbling, but then notices Bottom and is instantly smitten.
Titania: Stupid front doors… locked… maybe the band door? (She looks up) Well, hello there hunk. What are you doing?
Bottom is flustered and forgets that he is supposed to look like the superintendent.
Bottom: Nothing! Nothing at all! Just… looking for my band.
Titania: You’re in a band? How romantic! Well look no further! I’ll find them for you in a flash! And you just stay right where you are. (She pulls a cell phone out of her pocket) Ya, hello? Shelly? Get down to the band room right now, and call Brittney and Megan too. No, I don’t care about your dance recital! I need you here! Do it!
Bottom: Well, uh, thanks for your help. I’ll just be going now…
He edges away from her, not comfortable around beautiful girls. But she grabs his arm and holds him, snuggling.
Titania: Oh no you don’t, you genius you. You’re staying right here where I can keep my eyes… and maybe my lips on you if you’re good.
Bottom: (Warming up to the praise) Well, guess it wouldn’t hurt, I mean every villain needs a beautiful girl right?
Titania: I didn’t hear what you just said and I don’t really even care. Just stay by me forever!
Bottom: Well, I do have to find my band.
Titania: No! My friends will do it. Oh! Where are they!
Shelly, Brittney, and Megan enter. Shelly is wearing tights and a tutu with a hoodie over top.
Shelly: We’re here! What’s the emergency!
Titania: Shelly, you can go look for this stunning gentleman’s band mates. Right now if you please Shelly, you’re an eyesore! Did you dress in the dark? Brittney, Megan, you two stay with us, and give this hunk whatever he wants!
Shelly leaves, looking murderous.
Bottom: Hello, Brittney was it? And Megan? How would you like to help me out with this little experiment I have going on…
Megan: (Apprehensively, looking at his face) Well…
Titania: You’ll do whatever he wants, won’t you girls? Now I have to run along and touch up my make up, you just keep this eye candy happy right here.
Titania leaves.
Bottom: Well girls, you heard what she said! Let’s keep me happy. Now, over to the janitor’s closet, my lab is there.
Bottom is struts off stage, the remaining girls looking very nervous, but following him. Puck stands up and addresses the audience.
Puck: Ah man, this couldn’t a’ been any better! I mean his lab was in the janitor’s closet! That was his own potion! I’m a genius!
Puck walks off stage, laughing.
Any input, and I mean any would be welcome. I know that this isn't quite right yet, and that something needs to be changed to make the overall feel of this scene better, but I don't know what. I you notice what it is please just write a sentence or two to help me out. Thanks!
