Act 2, Scene 2
The scene is set in the hallway. Titania enters with her crowd of girls, obviously fuming from her encounter with Oberon.
Titania: Girls! Come here! No, not you stupid, didn’t I tell you to get me another drink? I’m almost done this one. And you go… Oh, I don’t know, redo your makeup or something. You did it horribly. Just, go away all of you, I want to be alone. The day’s almost done anyways.
Shelly: Are you sure you don’t want us to stay? We could help keep HIS kind away from you.
Titania fixes such an intense glare upon Shelly that she seems to shrivel up inside herself. The bell rings. A chorus of goodbyes and well wishes rings out towards Titania as her followers leave. Oberon runs into Titania in the hallway, he has obviously been looking for her.
Oberon: Exclamation of triumph! I’ve located by search or effort you! In what way or manner are you performing? It is extraordinarily pleasurable to perceive with my eyes you at this juncture, of each and every region or area. Used to express mild dismay, chagrin, surprise, as at one's own mistake, a clumsy act, or social blunder! I caused your written or printed work of fiction or nonfiction, usually on sheets of paper fastened or bound together within covers to fall from its container; consent me to go after and bring them for you. (He bends down to pick up Titania’s books, and slips something in her pop) At this point you proceed. Valediction. At the present time or moment I am in possession of schoolwork assigned to be done outside the classroom to come to the end of. I look forward to you continuing in existence in a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety and sorrow.
Flute: Aha! I’ve found you! How are you doing? It is very nice to see you here of all places. Oops! I spilled your books; let me get them for you. Here you go. Goodbye. Now I have homework to do. I hope your life is a nightmare.
Oberon gives a dirty look to his translator who wasn’t supposed to say the last line aloud and then sweeps out of the room. Titania stares after him, bewildered at his sudden mood change and angry that he has dared speak to her. She takes a sip from her pop can and leaves the stage. Lysander and Hermia enter, Hermia devotedly right on Lysander’s heels, while his head is bent determinedly over a game boy.
Lysander: Bam! Bam! I’ve almost got him… there! Take that you alien scum! (Punching his fist in the air he notices that Hermia is with him) Oh, there you are! I thought you wanted to see me defeat Kerigan of the Zerg. Well you just missed it. Here, let’s sit down. You can watch me play the next level.
Hermia: I didn’t miss it! I was right here! But we should sit down! Oh! How about on this bench right here! You can sit on there and I’ll sit on here! (Pointing at two spots on opposite sides of the bench) Won’t that be fun! I love benches, they’re so benchy!
Hermia giggles and sits down on a bench. Lysander sits down next to her. Hermia scoots away.
Lysander: Now, watch this. I’m just about ready to blast… Ah no! I died! Did you see that? (Looking up) Wait, how can you see anything from over there?
Hermia: No silly! We can’t sit that close together! Daddy to might see you! And he would not be happy! His face would look all angry, then he’d turn all red, and then you’d see the little wisps of smoke coming from his ears! Well, I’ve never seen them, but people say they’re their! That would be so funny to see! (giggle)
Lysander: Oh come on Hermia! Your dad isn’t here now to see us together. It’s just a bench. Besides, don’t you want to see me whip this next bit? I can probably do it in under a minute.
Hermia: Oh! Of course I want to see! But I just don’t want Daddy to find out! He somehow knows everything! I don’t know how or why! He just does! Sometimes daddy’s so spooky! But you can tell me what you’re doing over there!
Lysander: Well, I guess I could…
Lysander looks down and returns to playing his game boy intently. Hermia, smiling widely and giggling every so often, gets up and goes to the vending machine to get two drinks. She places one beside Lysander and then returns to her spot. He opens it and takes a sip, while still playing with his other hand. Puck walks through the door, and then quickly scrambles to leave again without being noticed. He pokes his head in to assess the situation and seems to be speaking to himself.
Puck: Well… Oberon wasn’t that specific, but the guy does have hair, obviously, and the girl… well that’s just gotta be fake. No ones that happy. It’s gotta be them. ‘Sides, if it’s not, it couldn’t hurt, could it?
Puck sneaks into the room, but Lysander is so absorbed in his game he does not notice. He opens a bag and slips something into Lysander’s pop and Hermia opens her mouth to comment, but Puck puts his finger to his lips to indicate quiet and she’s ditzy enough to give a giggle and ignore it. Puck sneaks out of the room, buts sticks his head back in to observe Hermia and Lysander. Neither notice him as he speaks aloud to himself again.
Puck: That should do it! Man, I’d ‘a loved ta’ see this stuff at work, but I gotta get back ta’ Oberon. Too bad.
Puck totally exits the scene. Lysander looks up suddenly realizing he forgot to tell Hermia what he was doing.
Lysander: Ah, Herms! I’m sorry. I forgot to say what I was doing! I’ll start now if you want…
Hermia: No! It’s okay! It’s just fun watching you play! Pressing all of those buttons! (giggle) Besides I need to visit the ladies room anyways!
Lysander: (Uncomfortable) Uh, sure. I’ll be right here, okay?
Hermia nods at him, giggles, and leaves. Lysander takes a sip of his drink, and then returns to playing his game. Helena enters with Demetrius, but Lysander doesn’t look up.
Helena: Demy, stay near me! Your absence would be the death of me if you left!
Demetrius: Like, go away!
Helena: Soy you’re just going to leave me here in this cold dark place that is my heart at your every rejection of me? You can’t!
Demetrius: Dudette, you can’t go in here. That’s, like, so uncool. (He thinks for a second) Or go away. That would be cool of you dudette.
Demetrius enters the boy’s bathroom.
Helena: Oh, this is horrible! What is it about me that makes me so repelling? Why, oh why, does he hate me so? (She notices Lysander) Be that Lysander? Lysander!
Lysander looks up, and starts to nod politely but gets a love struck look in his eyes and stares at her. He drops to one knee as if to propose.
Lysander: Helena! You’re… you’re more radiant than the Elf Queen of Avalee in ‘Might and Magic’! I’d give 1 million gold pieces just to spend one moment with you!
Helena: (Flabbergasted and slightly less dramatic than usual) What in the Globe Theater are you doing Lysander! I thought you were devoted heart and soul to Hermia!
Lysander: (Standing) My dearest Zelda… you of all people should know that The Legendary Sword of Destiny beats the Amulet of Darkness. You are my love, and I will not let anything come between us.
Helena: Legendary… what on earth are you talking about! Why do you mock me so! Calling me your love as if I was anything more than another minor part in the show of your life. You’ve barely even noticed me until this moment! I have done nothing to deserve this, just go away and leave me to my misery. There’s no reason to kill me with your fiendish jokes just because you have found your heart’s desire in Hermia and I have failed mine own.
Helena leaves in a huff. Lysander looks devastated, staring after Helena, but then has a eureka moment and looks loathingly towards the door of the girl’s washroom.
Lysander: She thinks I still like Hermia! That newbie! As if she could kill a single orc, compared to the armies the Helena could slaughter with a single look!
Lysander leaves following Helena and looking love struck. Hermia enters from the girl’s washroom with a look of intense distaste of her face.
Hermia: Oh, Lysander! It is so gross in there! I don’t know who could make such a mess! Is the guy’s washroom like that Lysander? Lysander? Lysander, where have you gone!
She proceeds to check for him around the room, looking in stupid places like under the bench and on top of the vending machine.
Hermia: Lysander! Come out; come out, where ever you are! Lysander! Are you playing hide and seek? I love that game! There was this one time… But I don’t want to play right now silly! Come out! Lysander?
She leaves the room still searching.
Again, any input is appreciated. And I'd especially love title help if you can give it.
Edit: To everyone who tells me I need to tone down Oberon's speech, I know, and am probably working on it as you read this.
