I Used To Fly

I loved the poem. My favorite part was

The sky was my canvas,
the color so blue.
My wings were my brush,
my inspiration was you.

But I have a question. What does flying have to do with cancer? I think I get it though a little. The person flying was the guardian angel of the one taken by cancer. And when that person died she had to learn how to fly all over again. That's how I see it. Its beautiful how you created the picture of someone flying. The sky a canvas. The wings the brushes. I wish I could make something so inspirational.

break~my~heart wrote:I Used To Fly

I used to fly
with my wings outstretched.
I'd soar so high,
my bliss almost far fetched. <---The rhyme here was catchy xD I liked it

The sky was my canvas,
the color so blue.
My wings were my brush,
my inspiration was you. <---- I have to say I loved this stanza. It was beautiful the way you used I metaphor I believe.

But then one day,
you gave up the fight
to something called Cancer, <---The word cancer here is so bold. You might want to change this. It doesn't really fit in and ruins the poem for me, especially how you say "to something". *shudders* Try finding another way of phrasing this.
and I lost my flight.

Sometimes I wonder
what we might have been,
had you kept your life
but you vanished into air, so thin. <--- Try changing this to "instead of vanishing into air, so thin" because the "but" part does not make sense.

Do I regret us?
No, not I.
I just need
(t)o learn how to fly.




ok, I'm not exactly sure I like this edited version, but, hey it's for you guys, so whatever you think is best just let me know

Shina here again! I must say that I'm really liking your poetry, but I'm not liking your confidence or attitude toward your poetry. Be more confident and accept how good you really are. GIve yourself some props. Also, you don't have to work for what we the people want. Poetry is about you, not us. Whatever makes you happy is all you should be concerned. Only take our advice if you feel it necessary. Don't change your poems if it's not something you like. It's your writing and the pen is in your hands.

Now on to the poem. I fixed some of the rhyme schemes and the wording, though I wasn't quite sure what to put on some of them. I suggest you try fixing them since the way I phrased my suggestions weren't too fabulous, but I think they were better. I also fixed your punctuation and conventions.

Overall, it was really nice. I liked the second stanza as well as some of the imagery and metaphors here.