I Want You Back

You were there for me
a little while back.
I wish I could talk to you
because now, my world is wack.

I broke up with you
'cause I loved you so much.
Even though I've lost you,
I still miss your touch.

I know you think I'm stupid
for talking like this now.
All I really want is to get you back.
Yet, still I don't know how.

It's bad enough
you don't care.
You broke my heart in pieces
for all the more to share.

You let my heart crumble,
and oh so fast.
Now I'm not certain
how long it will last.


-Bailey Holcomb

Aw... that was so beautiful and sad, Bailey! Loved it, and gold star!

It's bad enough
you don't care.
You broke my heart in pieces
for all the more to share.

The first and second line of that stanza really doesn't work together well. Maybe add that to the second line.

I liked it. I liked it. I know you feel sad too. Keep strong girl!

Hi, bailey good work here on your poem i want you back. It was very emotional and sad. You know at times when we make some decisions we end up in regret wishing we had not done it and this poem presents this kinda situation. It was woven in good style and mood. Thank you

Hi, bailey good work here on your poem i want you back. It was very emotional and sad. You know at times when we make some decisions we end up in regret wishing we had not done it and this poem presents this kinda situation. It was woven in good style and mood. Thank you

Hi, bailey good work here on your poem i want you back. It was very emotional and sad. You know at times when we make some decisions we end up in regret wishing we had not done it and this poem presents this kinda situation. It was woven in good style and mood. Thank you

Hi, bailey good work here on your poem i want you back. It was very emotional and sad. You know at times when we make some decisions we end up in regret wishing we had not done it and this poem presents this kinda situation. It was woven in good style and mood. Thank you

Hey Bailey!

Remember to be careful about posting your full real name on the net. Can be dangerous, dear.

Now! Onto the review!


It was a good poem, slightly cliche, but still decent. Watch the forced rhymes, dear, because forcing it restricts the freedom you have to make it something perfect. So, most often, when someone asks me, "How do I fix my poem after I have forced it into rhyming?" I say to tear it all apart. Pretend that your poem is a word bank and you can use SOME of the words in it, and use some to trigger your imagination. Then, using the words in your "word bank" rewrite your poem. Make it flow freely. Don't force the rhymes, otherwise it's not going to have the same touch that a poem without forced rhymes will have. I hope I'm still making sense...

Read your poem aloud and ask yourself, does this sound good? Is this how I speak? Or does it sound too fictional? Would the reader be able to relate to this if they were in a similar situation?


Your poem needs to have that effect on people; you have should make it something easy to read, and keep it simplistic to avoid as much confusion as possible.


It's not original to see a poem about wanting someone back after a breakup, but, you can make your poem original by writing it differently.

Use imagery, dramatize it, do whatever to make this one different. Make it stand out, Bailey, because I know you can.


Good job, keep writing, and I hope I wasn't too harsh on you.

xxJune