Together Fornever Prolouge

The frigid night air whistled throughout the forest. A girl, dressed all in black, was darting from tree to tree, hardly making any noise. The only sound that could be heard was the jingle of metal coming from the girl’s messager bag, as though it were full of nails. A chain strapped to her dark pants was rustling in the cold night air.
Suddenly the girl stopped her stealthy stride and broke into a sprint. In the flash of moonlight fear could be seen in her electric-blue eyes.
She abruptly ceased running, for in the middle of the dense forest was a clearing, and in the middle of the clearing was a boy, looking down.
At the jingle of the chains his head snapped up, revealing handsome features and sliver eyes. Instantly he brought a dagger up close to his face, teeth snarled in defense.
Seeing the girl he relaxed, then straighten his snow-white tie, black slacks and black button-up tee. The girl was vaguely reminded of a singer in a rock band. Finding himself presentable, he looked up at the girl.

"Ivy. What are you doing here?" He asked, using her real name to weaken her mental strength.
"I think you know Zeke." she replied, noticing the man withering at Zeke’s feet. His hands were bound, and a bag hand been tied over his head.
Zeke followed her eyes, also staring at the man.
"He was sent to kill you."
"And you captured him?" She inquired casually, trying to find out as much about the man as she could, without seeming like she cared.
"Yes. But you must kill him, to prove your loyalty to me. To us." He said, motioning to the figures dressed a he was, who were emerging from all sides.
She gritted her teeth. There was no way out. She plunged her hand into the messager bag, pulling out a dagger, the same one as Zeke`s. The man moaned.
“Please…have mercy…I don’t want to die!” he said, rolling onto his side, as though he wanted to escape.
The girl kicked him in the stomach, silencing his desperate screams.
“Die like a true warrior.” she said, then bent down and quickly, silently swiped the dagger across his neck, forever muting him.
Zeke lowered his weapon and nodded. “Good. Now we can put that bit of mercy you showed last time behind us.”
Ivy lowered her gaze in shame. The last time she had to kill an enemy operative she had hesitated, and mercy had been shown to him.
Zeke clapped his hands, and a boy from the circle came forth, holding a leather briefcase. He handed it to Zeke, bowed and then backed away. Zeke handed the case to Ivy.
“Well Jane,” He started, using her new cover. “Everything you need is in this case. Kill the target, then we’ll talk some more.”
“Is he still alive?” She asked, the torture of not knowing his fate haunting her.
Zeke smiled. “I thought you said he was a worthless scum-bag.”
She shrugged. “I lied. What else is new?”
Ivy, I’m keeping him alive. For you. Swear, when this is all over and we let you go, swear You’ll come back to me, and leave him.”
“I can’t. Zeke, please. I`m not like you. The disease- It doesn’t effect me. Let me go now.”
His eyes became veomoness.
“Get out of here Jane.”
Jane nodded, for that was all she could do. Ivy never existed. She was Jane and she went to school in a sub-urban area. Her best friend was Holly, and the two of them got into mischief all the time. She had a twin, who she despised.

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Pm me if you are interseted in reading the overview. It would make me happy

Seriously!

Hello Icefire! Ah this is brilliant!

The frigid night air whistled throughout the forest

Through the forest

A girl, dressed all in black, was darting from tree to tree, hardly making any noise. The only sound that could be heard was the jingle of metal coming from the girl’s messager bag, as though it were full of nails. A chain strapped to her dark pants was rustling in the cold night air.

Try: . The messenger bag swinging by the girl’s side made the only noise – nothing more than a gentle jingle as though it were filled with nails**– as she darted from tree to tree. She only wore black, and remained relatively hidden.

^it is less telling and links more, making it easier to follow, in my opinion.

In the flash of moonlight fear could be seen in her electric-blue eyes.

moonlight, fear could be seen

She abruptly ceased running, for in the middle of the dense forest was a clearing, and in the middle of the clearing was a boy, looking down.

A boy, standing alone in the middle of an empty clearing, his eyes turned down, ceased her frantic sprint.

features and silver eyes

fierce sliver eyes

Seeing the girl he relaxed, then straighten his snow-white tie

Seeing the girl he relaxed, straightening his snow-white tie

Right now the rest is in the attachment

Telling - you do an aweful lot of telling, but you get away with it. Also, your writing is extremely choppy, so i have attempted to smooth it out for you.

You need work on the emotional side - endorse emotive language.

Oh - and wow you have me drawn in! I MUST read on! Ah i MUST. So you have successfully created a prologue nobody (i hope for your sake) would turn down the chapters. Well done and it was a pleasant read.

**this is not in the below document. I only realised it fit after submitting. Sorry

this is really good.
do what the above person suggests

(runs off tor ead nex chapter)