So I found this today... I wrote it during the summer and wanted to know what you guys think of it. Harsh criticism is always welcome. Thanks!
The Thoughts of My Summer:
Time is an elusive concept. How it goes too slow but too fast at the same time. How every minute takes an hour as you stare at the seemingly inconsistent pulse of the digital clock. You slowly breathe, wishing the day would end. Sorrow increases with each tick of the decrepit clock. Then you find yourself at eleven watching a rerun of the George Lopez show, ‘thinking where did the day go?’ trying to find a difference in the monotonous days that filled the week.
Everyday began and ended the same way. In the morning they said tiny comments that didn’t seem like anything, anger grew through the day then the arguments started at night. My dad’s fist would come down on the table, my mom would make her dramatic threats, and my sister would scream for them to stop interrupting her. All the while I was in my bedroom slamming my head against the door begging for it to stop.
Mostly it was over nothing. The dispute over a crumb on the counter would escalate to fights that trudged up old memories. My mom would play the blame card, my dad would threaten to take physical action and my sister leaked my secrets. I would cover my head like a five year old and wait for them to stop yelling about me.
Children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday, happy birthday.
Mad World, by Gary Jules filled my head while the war progressed on my birthday. Birthdays are supposedly the happiest day for kids. I turned fifteen that day. A fifteen year old with dreams of attending college in England, always knowing her parents thought the idea was ludicrous but thinking her sister believed in her. They crushed that thought. My sister told them not to discourage me by saying I couldn’t do it but also adding that she knew it was impossible. Another birthday, another broken dream.
That was the first time my mom threatened to leave during the night. From the confines of my bed, I heard her jump from the bed and quickly change her clothes. She rushed past my room without looking at me, thumped down the stairs and searched for the keys, screaming for my dad when she couldn’t find them. My sister responded, telling her “Don’t leave. It’s her birthday! It’s her goddamn birthday and you’re going to ruin it.” My mom replied by telling her she’d already ruined my day. It was fifteen minutes past midnight.
Each day threatened me. Making me beg for my mind to shut, freezing my memory like I did so long ago. Each tick of the clock brought me closer to that feeling of being alone, wanting to end it, willing to do anything to stop it. Cars roared by me as I walked on our usually silent street, calling for me to end everything. Every rush of air whispered a new message. “It’ll be over. You’ll never be sad again; they’ll never ruin another day for you.”
The thought captured my mind. No more sadness, no more yelling, no more remarks, no more crushed dreams.
The battle roars in my head, even now. Making me hate the people I sit with every night at dinner, while I envy my sister who’s two hours away from here. My body aches with each slow hour, while I cry at night, remembering how slow this summer went by. How fast it ended, how bad everything was. How there’s only ten months till it starts over. Ten incredibly slow moving, fast acting months till the day she comes home and I wonder where the year went.
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Thanks for reading.
~Dommy
