Chapter two of Rediscovery

Well, I got some decent reviews for my prologue and first chapter, so I decided to do some more.
Note's:
I am probably going to change the name to a more fitting title. I have a rough draft for the story, but UI don't know exactly how the stories going to progress, so the name may change.



Chapter 2:
Attack!

Trig sprinted out the library. Most of the colony was heading towards the center building, where women and children were supposed to go during an attack. Trig on the other hand, went towards the guard post. As he got closer towards the outer wall of the colony, guards replaced those going to hide in the center building. They ran around with assault rifles, running errands. Trig ran to the armorer, a short bald man with a really bad temper.
"What are you doing here" he asked, "You're only 15!"
"But I am nearly 16!" Trig said.
"I don't care, it's dangerous, why do you come here every time something happens?"
Trig decided to switch gears.
"What is going on anyway?"
"I don't really know.. but if the attack alarms are going off, then something dangerous is going on."
"Please! I really want to fight!"
"Fine.. If you shut up, I'll give you an old pistol. You'll say you found it if your caught, and I am not going to bail you out".
"Thank you so much!"
The armorer gave him an old Desert Eagle. "Holds 7 bullets, here are 2 mag's. Captain Hensing's over there. Just don't make it obvious you're only a teenager, otherwise they'll check to make sure you're over 16."
That's going to be tough, considering my height he thought
Trig headed over to Hensing, who was briefing guards.
".. and you guys will head over around from behind the main gates, got it?"
"Now, on to what this is all about. A group of zombies have been spotted about 3 miles north. Remember head shot's only. No need to go auto. Also, if you're a first timer, these things are slow, and have no intelligence. They only live to kill and eat humans. If you are bitten you'll will become one of them. Needless to say, it's best to engage at a distance with rifles and precise head shots."
Trig stared at his pistol.

"You're going to leave the colony in 5 minutes and go north to the river."
"Yes sir"
They all turned to leave, when Hensing caught sight off Trig.
"Who are you? I've never seen you in my unit before."
"Umm.. I'm a recruit?"
"Nice try punk, how old are you?"
"... 15. But I'm 16 in a few weeks!"
"How many?..."
"Uh.. about 15 weeks."
"So men, how do you feel about having a teenager among our ranks"
"If he wants to, I say let him come. It's his problem if he dies."
"Ok. Get to the side gate".

Trig and the others marched towards the side entrance. The doors opened.
"Once your over there, you're on your own. The closest team is Delta 2, if you need help, radio them."
The team walked through the doors, and they shut.
Trig suddenly remembered that his mom must be going out of her mind with worry.
He was now finally doing a man's job, but it felt scary already.


End of chapter two!

Hello

Before I even begin my review, I'd like to suggest that you give us a little more information regarding the world. You have thrown us into the action of the story before we can get our bearings, and have therefore thrown us completely off balance.

lukas8u wrote:"What the!"

This is not a full sentence, and therefore looks very unprofessional and amateurish. It also throws the reader upon seeing it, and I therefore would cut this out, and replace it with description, as this is in fact the only purpose that your dialogue serves. Perhaps you should replace it with something like: "Screams of surprise erupted from every imaginable direction."

"What's going on," Trig shouted.
"I don't know!" one of the librarians responded.

I would cut this piece of dialogue out, as I don't feel it adds much to the suspense.

Trig ran outside the library.

Perhaps just "Trig ran outside" or maybe "Trig sprinted outside".

Most of the colony was heading towards the center building, where people women and children were supposed to go during an attack.

I think you mean just women and children. Not people women and children.

As he got closer towards the outer wall of the colony, guards replaced those going to hide in the center building.

I am not quite sure what you mean here. I would suggest you rephrase it. If not, he got closer to the outer wall, not towards.

"What are you doing here" he asked, "You're only 15"!

Firstly, how does the armourer know that he's only 15? If they know each other, make this clear. Also the exclamation mark should go inside the speech marks.

"I don't care, it's dangerous"!

Once again, you want the exclamation mark inside the speech marks.

"What is going on anyways?"

"anyway" not "anyways"

"Please! I really want to fight!"

It might be better with a comma after the "Please" instead of an exclamation mark. Also, on that note, you are using a lot of exclamation marks. I would suggest using fewer, as they will then be more effective when used. Usually, a period will do fine.

The armorer gave him an old Desert Eagle. "Holds 7 bullets, here are 2 mag's." "Captain Hensing's over there. Just don't make it obvious you're only a teenager, otherwise they'll check to make sure you're over 16."

armourer, not armorer. No apostrophe in "mags" There is also no reason to break this up into two sets of speech marks. You should also tell us who's talking a little more often. Perhaps: " "Holds 7 bullets, here are 2 mag's," the armourer said, "Captain Hensing's over there. Just don't make it obvious you're only a teenager, otherwise they'll check to make sure you're over 16.""

"That's going to be tough, considering my height." he thought

No speech marks in thought.

Trig headed over to Hensing, who was briefing guards on what was going on.

drop the "on what was going on." It makes the sentence sound clunky.

Also, if your a first timer, these things are slow, and have no intelligence.

If "you're a first timer" not "your"

you get bit you'll will become one of them.

"If you are bitten", perhaps.

"Uh.. eheh, about 15 weeks."
"So men, what do you feel about having a teenager among our ranks"
"If he wants to, I say let him come. It's his problem if he dies."
"Ok. Get to the side gate".

Drop the "eheh", its not necessary.
"How do you feel", not "what do you feel."
"Okay" not "Ok"

"Once your over there, you're on your own. The closest team is Delta 2, if you need help, radio them."

Once again "you're over there" not "your over there."

To sum up:
I really enjoy this kind of story, and you do write it fairly well. There are a couple of grammatical slip-ups, a slight overuse (in my opinion) of exclamation marks, and a couple of clumsy sentences. There is however no mistake in your story that is too serious. With a bit of editing, and a little practice, this story will be first class.

I hope the review helped.
Have a good one!;)

Hey! I promise I'll do a full review later, but here is some critique right away.

1. Again with the dialogue! Absolutely no description. I don't mean you need to have some flowery, purple-prose book, but I would like to know what Trig and the colony look like.

2. Zombies? Really? A zombie invasion novel! Cool! But where did they come from? Like yrclever said, you have thrown us into the action with absolutely no background.

3. I don't really like the last sentence. The word scary seems a bit juvenile.

Also, I know I seem hung up about this (if you read my first review), but I want to know more about the radiation! Are the zombies radioactive?

Keep it up! You're doing really well.