-Inconcessus- Preface

ashleylee · 2008-12-14T02:58:31Z

Well, this is the newly rewitten version of my novel, formally known as Poisoned Roses . I have a reason for changing the title and I really hope you all like it. Inconcessus is Latin for "forbidden" so I think it fits... at least I hope it does :? Let me know! **To all my faithful critique-rs: THANKS--KJ, Night Mistress, Angel of Death, Lucyy, Dommy65, Ducati, Demeter, JabberHut, Merry_Haven, & Niccy_V--You Guys Rock!** Happy Reading! If you want to read the others, follow these links: Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four ______________________________ PREFACE My body flirted with the shadows. One moment I was in plain sight, easy to spot even within them; then I would vanish, melting into the surrounding darkness. The air was heavy with the smell of spring. Even at night, it seemed that the earth was moving, growing, and giving way to new life. The moon was a plump, hazy silhouette peeking coyly through the trees. My body was rigid, tensed for when he would come. It was hard for me to move quickly when my instincts were screaming at me to turn away, knowing what I would be doing in just minutes. It still amazed me how simple it had been to lure him here. I knew that it should’ve been a signal for me to prevent what was happening. And yet, I didn’t think twice about it, not thinking it was wrong in any way. This made me clamp my eyes shut in frustration and I halted, fighting against myself. Part of me still wanted Isaac—the boy who had seemed to flip my world on it’s axis in less than a few months—dead so that I could have his blood—the blood that had been cruelly taunting me for months. Never before had I been repulsed with this desire, but after meeting and getting to know Isaac, I feared that he had changed something in me for good. Snarling at the thought, I continued forward, pushing myself to meet him. It was for Isaac’s own good. We could never stay together if he didn’t complete the transformation. Everyone agreed that if we were to continue to see each other, it was our only option. An owl hooted nearby, and I heard the unmistakable crunch of feet treading upon dried leaves. Isaac had arrived. I allowed him to come to me, knowing that if I rushed to meet him, his intoxicating aroma would render me vulnerable and incapable of controlling the thirst – the thirst that would rise in my throat if I didn’t execute at least the tiniest portion of willpower. I knew that if I didn’t prepare myself, my senses would spiral out of control and the end result could be deadly. Isaac slowly took form, his lean figure fuzzy at the edges, until he stood before me, skin flushed in the cool evening air. His eyes—at first—were wary, glancing all around for signs of pretence. I couldn’t read his expression because the shadows threw his face into sharp angles. When he found no pretences, he took another step forward, his face becoming easier to see. I noticed that a smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth, indenting his cheeks. I felt the tension leak slowly from my body, realizing that I had nothing to fear. Everything would turn out exactly how it was supposed to. “Isaac,” I whispered, and took a step towards him. I knew that he could hear the slight waver in my voice, could see the weakness in my step, and know that I was still in love with him. But he surprised me by holding up his hand to stop my advances. “I know why you brought me here. Nora warned me. She thought I should know as to prepare myself.” I started, surprised into silence. Since when did Nora find it her responsibility to tell everyone? Infuriated, I clenched my hands into fists at my sides. “I’m glad she did,” Isaac continued, noting my unyielding figure, “Shouldn’t I have a say in this?” His eyes hardened. I sighed. “Yes, but I was afraid that if I told you…” “That you would lose me?” He shook his head. “How could you think that, Sophia? I’m here for you, for us .” He closed the gap between us, his hands smoothing over my shoulders, his skin burning through the soft fabric of my shirt. It made me gasp in shock—his touch never ceased to surprise me. Then I thought of my disfigured appearance and took a step back. Hurt pooled in his eyes. “I thought we were past this,” he murmured. “I’m sorry, I just”—collecting myself, I started again—“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier. You have the right to know what you are getting into before it happens.” “Thank you.” However, the cynical tone gave away his thoughts—he had yet to understand my motive at keeping him in the dark. I knew that if I tried to explain it again, it would do nothing. It was beyond me. Tugging on the lower half of my shirt, I continued: “I’ll do it quickly, so it’ll happen fast. Just try to relax, and you’ll be fine.” “I won’t forget you, will I?” He spoke his fear, and my chest constricted with abrupt emotion. How had I ever thought that I could survive without him? How had I ever tricked myself into thinking that I didn’t need him in my life? His sudden fear of not being able to remember me made these thoughts resurface. “No, you’ll remember,” I managed to choke out before the emotions washed over me in an upsurge of feeling. It had been so long since I had felt so strongly, especially for him. Isaac’s expression softened, and with one gentle tug, he hauled me into his arms. I nestled against him, my body giving in to the soft persuasion of his hand on my lower back, telling me to relax. I hugged him closer, not wanting to let go. I took in his sweet scent, but also the smell of the cologne he was wearing and of the shampoo he had used on his hair. His cotton shirt rubbed against my cheek as he brushed the hair from my face, leaving a blazing trail of heat wherever he touched me. When I finally pulled away, his face was set. “I’m ready.” Taking a deep breath I nodded, struggling to compose myself. If he was ready to sacrifice his human life for me, I should be able to summon up enough strength and determination to change him. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on our earlier moments, both good and bad. Flashes of his arms around me lying on the beach stuck out in my mind, and I savored them, but only for a moment. When I opened my eyes, he was observing me with a certain tranquility that revved new life into my silent heart. Pressing my palm between my breasts, my heart pushed gently against my rib cage, pulsating against my fingers. My mouth opened slightly, for never had my heart come to life so suddenly, by pure will instead of when I fed. Raising my eyes to his, ours locked and I knew it was time. Walking towards him, I cautioned him with my eyes. He swallowed hard, but he stood steady. I swallowed as well, but not in anxiety. Mine was of the hunger that filled me when his scent surrounded me, his blood so acute that I had to resist the temptation to lick my lips. My hands smoothed over his chest, hoping that the gesture would ease his nerves. He couldn’t hide them from me; his blood was pounding in his veins like an awakened drum, his heart adding to the erratic tempo. The more his blood rushed, the stronger the scent was. I had the urge to tell him to relax, but I knew it would do no good. There was no way to calm him now. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it with his blood moving as it was. So, instead, I decided to ease his thoughts. Leaning slightly away, I breathed softly into his face. It stunned him, his eyelashes fluttering. His orbs then rolled back, and I caught him before he collapsed. Setting him against a tree, he moaned softly. I hadn’t breathed enough to make him pass out, and I knew I had to work quickly. Lowering my fangs to his neck, I inhaled his scent. I made the smallest of cuts, his blood staining my lower lip. Then I stopped. Isaac moaned again, struggling against the fatigue I had put over him. I couldn’t explain the reason I ceased to continue, but when I looked into Isaac’s face, I knew. I loved him too much to take away the one thing that was keeping him alive. What right did I have to take away his human life? He would be separated from his parents, from his little sister. He would never go to college, never have kids. I was taking all that away from him. And for what? Because I loved him? At the moment, it no longer seemed enough to change him. Leaning back on my heels, I slowly wiped the blood from my lower lip, my body giving a violent shudder as I deprived it of the blood it was craving. “And you were so close,” a velvety voice echoed in the forest, making me leap to my feet in alarm. Members of Aston’s Coven steps from the shadows, their bodies slowly taking form. The males gaze furiously at me—but for only a second—as they all, in turn, glanced at Isaac still lying on the ground, moving his head from side to side as he fought the heavy fog clouding his mind. “No!” I shouted, running up to the leader and gripping his arm. “Please, Rouke, have mercy!” I pled, my thoughts only on protecting Isaac. Rouke laughed huskily. “I almost thought you would do it. I almost thought you had the power in you.” He laughed with sorrow this time. “But I was wrong.” He shoved me out of the way and advanced on Isaac. I screamed and tried to punch Rouke. “No! You can’t do this!” I shrieked. He ordered two of his men to pin me against the nearest tree. Their icy skin stung at my own as they yanked my back against a tree, the rough bark scratching me through my shirt. I bit and scratched my captors, flailing my limbs this way and that in hopes that they would release me, but it did no good. Rivers flowed down my cheeks when I heard Isaac’s screams pierce the air, and I crumbled to the earth in a heap. I had failed.

jasmine12

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Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:48 pm

jasmine12 says... · Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:48 pm

Ash!
You did it!
I am so proud!
haha.
I've never read something so...what's the word, so ready? So ready to be published. Even though it was only the preface, it was excelent.
I won't be going line by line...i mean, twelve chapters...Jimminy Crickets. haha.
Well off to the next part.

"Sometimes the worst bad guy makes the best good guy." Nigel--Untouched

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VehementWriter

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Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:37 am

VehementWriter says... · Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:37 am

Firstly, the boring technicalities:

[spoiler]
Red = My corrections.
Purple = My Suggestions.
Small Purple = My comments.
Italics = What I’ll be commenting on.
[s]Strikethrough[/s] = Omit
¶ = I started new paragraph.

My body flirted with the shadows. One moment I was in plain sight – easy to spot even within them – and then I would vanish, melting into the surrounding darkness. The air was heavy with the smell of spring.
I star[s]t[/s]ed, surprised into silence. Since when did Nora find it her responsibility to tell everyone? Infuriated, I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.
[/spoiler]

...Now...

Wow.
You've probably had this said a ton of times, but this is really good. Exceptionally grabbing.
Right now it just seems to be a fad - the whole vampire romance - what with the whole Twilight thing going... and most of the ones you read just make you wanna jump off a cliff; but this, this is good. I didn't find any problems... not with emotion, not with feeling, not with word flow... if anything I can't recall you ever describing what Isaac or Sophia looked liked, but aside form that, everything was just right.
Really good job... off to read the other 15 now...

"The power of accurate obeservation is often called cynicism by those who haven't got it." - Oscar Wilde.

If I could only see right to the end, I'd know just where to begin, and I could put together all the little pieces.

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liz_isle

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Sat May 02, 2009 2:19 pm

liz_isle says... · Sat May 02, 2009 2:19 pm

hey there...

you know, i haven't finished reading the chapters yet...but seriously your story is good.
some people may feel offended here (if they read this) but i gotta say...you write better than Stephenie Meyer. your lines, word choices have artistic value (that's my kind of way in phrasing it). the main character's point of view and the way she phrases/says things look deeper than the way Bella does.

it's a good piece! !

MISS WEDNESDAY

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SuzieCake

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Wed May 06, 2009 12:21 am

SuzieCake says... · Wed May 06, 2009 12:21 am

This was amazing, and from what I saw, there wasn't a thing wrong with it. I loved this and now I'm craving for chapter one - which I'm so fixing to go read as soon as I'm done saying this little bit. I loved the detail, and I loved how I could feel the emotion. This makes my two stories seem dull and like a third grader tried to write it compared to this. I'm almost a tid-bit envious. Keep up the good work!

Ever since you went away, my heart has never beat the same and all that I can do is just laugh.

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