[deleted]

[not here anymore!]

Hey there!

Unfortunately I don't have time for a very in depth critique, which is actually alright since there wasn't much here to critique really

I thought this was really great. I liked the way that you combined his thoughts with the letter as he was reading through, it was very effective. The only thing I didn't really understand is why he says in the letter 'if you're reading this I'm gone' that didn't seem to make much sense, really as he sent the letter after his first stroke and was saying how he wanted to see them and everything. It made the piece less effective for me and I think it would work better without it, but it's up to you!

Aside from that it was really great work well done!

Have a great christmas!

Sofi.

I liked this piece, so I'm doing the only thing I can do - nitpick!

Hot tears of hate and pain squeezed out of his tightly shut eye lids.

I believe "eye lids" should be one word.

His whole body convulsed and he pressed his hands to his temples like a vice.

It's "vise", not "vice".

He had dark red hair and a pale complextion.

"Complexion".

Good work, and have a happy Christmas!

Hey anti i liked the story really well. It kept me intrested and actullyhelped out a little bit it shoved me down if you get at all what i mean bye that. What im saying is that thats what this site should be about you know the feeling and the emotion and not all the technical mechanics most of us are young writers and should be able to voice our work without them getting crushed bye yet anouther voice right. well i think thats what i had to say and i hope it makes others think and i hope it speaks true to you