The One Who Has Hope

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Not too sure what this falls under...actually, I never see to know what my poems fall under... They're all pretty out there. (and yes, the title is kind of based off of Pope Benedict's saying: The One Who Has Hope Lives Differently.)


The One Who Has Hope

That girl in the hallway;
She seems fine enough.
But her bitter laugh,
her long silences,
betray her.

She's gone through more
than you know.
She's seen and heard
what no one should.
The cruelties of the world
are no strangers to her;
She welcomes them with cool
familiarity.

She's been on that roller coaster ride:
Defying gravity one minute,
Flying high,
above the world.
Plummeting towards the ground
the next.
She gains momentum,
but she loses
everything.
When she hits,
She hits
hard.

She pretends she's alright,
but she's hiding
the scared, bitter girl,
Jaded from cruelty and beauty
mingled together.
She holds her head up,
but her shoulders still sag
from the weight of the world.

She knows this is life:
There is always cruelty.
There is always injustice.
No wining,
No complaining,
No 'dreaming'
can change that.

But what she does not know,
is that there is hope.
You can choose to have hope
and you can choose to have love.
You won't see a rainbow
If you're too busy
worrying about the storm.
She believes there is no hope,
that this is how it is,
and will always be.
And so,
She has reaped
what she has
sown.
~~~~~

I know, it's a bit harsh at the end, but i kinda like the harshness of it. I know, I'm evil. This was kind of a mishmashing of ideas, they all bombarded me at once, and i wasn't sure how to do it. As usual, I wrote this Algebra 2 (don't worry, I have a 101 in that class) At first, I thought I'd make the reader feel sorry for 'The Girl', but it kinda twisted of it's own accord.
Well, please please please PLEASE review, I love feedback, good and bad. Just rip it apart.
Oh, and I have a love affair with commas. I'm on a twelve step prog, so be paitent.

Thank You!!
~Jenni~
Last edited by jenni321 on Sat Dec 20, 2008 11:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
On a scale of 1 to Random, I'm pretty ADHD.




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Points 6403
Reviews 312
Ah...sorry. I would if I could, but it's too good to be ripped apart.
I really liked this-I think you did an excellent job. On everything. Just one suggestion:
Jaded from the cruelty and beauty of this world

mingled together.

She holds her head up,

but her shoulders still sag

from the weight of the world.
The first line is a little long, and I would ditch the "of this world" because you use world again right after, and because the phrase doesn't add anything to the poem.
Otherwise, brilliant job. PM me if you need anything.
'life tastes sweeter when it's wrapped in poetry'
-the wombats


critiques // nano




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Points 297
Reviews 73
I would tear this apart if I had even cared enough to read it. Brutal enough for you? Good, because I'm joking, I read it. It' not my bag of bones persay, but I will comment on how you effectively isolate certain words for enhanced context, because this being a writing website and all, I feel forced at times to actually say something constructive. Toodles you hairy-knuckled jesuit.
"Is", "is." "is" — the idiocy of the word haunts me. If it were abolished, human thought might begin to make sense. I don't know what anything "is"; I only know how it seems to me at this moment. -Robert Anton Wilson




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 340
Reviews 37
uh, thanks..I guess. haha, that's an interesting comment...
On a scale of 1 to Random, I'm pretty ADHD.



Spend your days thinking about things that are good and true and beautiful and noble, and you will become good and true and beautiful and noble.
— Matthew Kelly