The Best Tree in the Land

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Points 890
Reviews 25
Once when I was younger,
I found a little tree
barely bigger than a twig; it was
‘bout half as big as me.

It stood there in a field of snow
a-shiverin’ in the wind,
so I slipped my mittens on his arms
to make him warm again.

Then I brought a blanket
and we both sat underneath.
Above us laid a winter sky
and tender earth beneath.

Then soft and silent baby stars
drifted all around
and twinkled like new-fallen snow
beside us on the ground.

In this moment of winter magic
I took his twig in hand,
and on that Christmas day I had
the best tree in the land.

Well, up we both grew big and strong,
and many winters passed.
The love is great, the days are long,
but oh, the years went fast.

Then one winter day my boy
called to me to say,
“Pa, I found the perfect tree
to have on Christmas day!

He’s tall just like a mountain!
His boughs are full and green!
And Pa, you must believe me,
He’s the best I’ve ever seen.”

I ran to him, and right away
my heart flushed red and warm...
The tree was once the little twig
with a mitten on each arm.

Then we sat beside the tree,
and at the stars we stared,
as I told my boy the story
of that first Christmas we shared.

And up I took him in my arms
to kiss him and to say
the best tree in the land is ours
on this Christmas day.




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Points 4166
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Very good. It's a delightful poem, very uplifting. Here's one tip: it wants punctuation. Try a few commas, semicolons, anything. You have good taste as to where the full stops go, but the rest just sort of runs on. That's about all I've got to say, other than keep writing!
Cheers!
--Voxina




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Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
i really enjoyed that poem, i'm not much good at critisms but i think that was a great poem.
-x-Be yourself. . .Life's too short to be any one else-x-



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