The Tortured Child (Punk Rock)

The Tortured Child
By Robert

(Crazy guitar solo)
First person (High and calm voice):

In life we grew up with smiles…
We did not know much about the evil styles…
The sweet child had his room filled with toys
But the angry demon boys
Did not have the goods to understand!

Second person (Roaring sounds):


The boys saw that the child still had peace!!!
They had to set it off
They wanted it to become rough!!!
(Roar)
So their jealousy…
Became their evil fantasy…
That’s how they controlled their evil ecstasy…
(Roar)
They tortured the poor child’s emotions
They spitted at his good devotions
The young boy was officially lost!!!

First person (High and calm voice):

They didn’t have the eyes!
They saw only their lies!
They did not have any ears!
If the boy would stay good that would be their fears…


(Crazy guitar solo)


Second person (Roaring sounds):

(Roar)
They tortured the poor child’s emotions
They spitted at his good devotions
The young boy was officially lost!!!
(Roar)
And now so the evil grows in me!!!
It spreads in my veins!!!
The burning anger is still in my wounded blood stains!!!
For your types I have no respect
In me for you there is no good to detect
(Chuckle)
I break out of my chains!
I am burning in flames!!
I run at you now!!!
The chances are gone!!!!
Your friends have fled!!!!!
But it won’t be me who will have your head (Long pause)


First person (High and calm voice):

I will not follow your mistakes
It won’t be me who’s heart breaks
No, no it won’t be my friends nor the devil
It shall be your horror past (stretched)

The sweet child had his room filled with toys
But the angry demon boys--------------------------(this part seemed like a little too wierd- lil demon boys reminds me of 666 or the omen---(but whatever movig on)

The boys saw that the child still had peace!!!
They had to set it off
They wanted it to become rough!!!-- the third lie did not exectly fit with the others- if something is no rhyming for me just to tell u then i just erase it and make something ew

I run at you now!!!
The chances are gone!!!!
Your friends have fled!!!!!--bra your my best friend so can you please make thymes or something-----this from my point of view is more of a entering the mature level instead of getting picked on- because ones you get angry that is when you get pissed off and that is when you become more serious about some things- so good job on the message but not so much on the rhyming bra---

I like it!
Lol.
I can actually hear it now! D

Heehee. I like the ROARING!!!! WooT!! -_-

Hello Lordgluzman,

It's me, Kj
I loved your song!! The guitar action and the way it's broken up into stanzas...it makes it flow; really easy to follow. I can hear your song now!

Your rhyming was brilliant! I can't remember the style that it's called, but there's a name for it. The way you rhymed is my favorite way of rhyming! You've got serious talent, dude And I'm really jealous of it.

I love it! It's my favorite of your songs And I'll tell you why I love it...

Now everyone interprets songs differently. Keep that in mind.
The way I saw it...
There's one boy that's trying so hard to live righteously, but other boys, the ones around him that aren't making the best of choices, are trying to bring him down to their level. It's like the devil was eating away at the bad boys' souls while the other boy ('child' you refer to him) is trying hard to hang on to what he knows is right.

So their jealousy…
Became their evil fantasy…
That’s how they controlled their evil ecstasy…

This says so much. It's brilliant. Their jealousy; they're jealous of the child's happiness. They've become obsessed with making the child miserable as well and now it's their evil fantasy. And that's how they control their evil ecstasy. And it confuses the child. He's unsure of his beliefs; he questions. (That's EXACTLY how the Devil works on peoples' souls. The Devil makes the good look evil and the evil look good. I believe that.)
wow is all I can say! Great job with this. It's so eye-opening how you express it.

They didn’t have the eyes!
They saw only their lies!
They did not have any ears!
If the boy would stay good that would be their fears…

Brilliant!!

They tortured the poor child’s emotions
They spitted at his good devotions
The young boy was officially lost!!!
(Roar)
And now so the evil grows in me!!!
It spreads in my veins!!!
The burning anger is still in my wounded blood stains!!!
For your types I have no respect
In me for you there is no good to detect
(Chuckle)
I break out of my chains!
I am burning in flames!!
I run at you now!!!
The chances are gone!!!!
Your friends have fled!!!!!
But it won’t be me who will have your head (Long pause)

"...The young boy was officially lost. And now so the evil grows in me..."

This is the 'key' breaking point for the child (or boy, you refer to the main kid as); he can't take the confusion and the temptation anymore and he falls under. He's been brought down...to a place he doesn't want to be. But it doesn't last long.

"...I run at you now!!!..."

This is the 'key' point that the child can't take the pain anymore. He wants justice. He wants answers. He wants the truth.

"...But it won't be me who will have your head..."

This is the 'key' that the child won't act upon his own revenge for what he's been dragged into. He knows that God will deal with them because of their choices.

I will not follow your mistakes
It won’t be me who’s heart breaks
No, no it won’t be my friends nor the devil
It shall be your horror past (stretched)

"...I will not follow your mistakes..."

This is the 'key' that the child has now made a decision. He'll stand up and fight for what is right.

I'm complimenting you on your song, not disgracing it. And because you've written it so well, that's what makes it possible for me to not say anything bad about it because there simply isn't anything bad to say about it. That is why I love it! The meaning is amazingly strong. Your choice of words and the way it is organized is just brilliant. This song is seriously my favorite out of all the poems and songs and stories I've read on this site, your song tops them all! Great job!! please keep writing

talk to you later!
-thevoiceinside

OK It is me as promised...

(Crazy guitar solo)
First person (High and calm voice):

In life we grew up with smiles…
We did not know much about the evil styles…
The sweet child had his room filled with toys
But the angry demon boys
Did not have the goods to understand!

I don't know too many songs that start with a "crazy" guitar solo... (unless they are something from "Disturbed".)

Maybe a guitar solo, just a normal one here, or none.

So when you sing this it changes the "person" quite absurdly.

You say "we" in the song, are you in it? But then you change to simply referring to the boy and kicking yourself out, so you use the word "he".

Just write the whole song in such way that you take away all the "We" or "I".
You don't need to be in the song.

The boys saw that the child still had peace!!!
They had to set it off
They wanted it to become rough!!!
(Roar)
So their jealousy…
Became their evil fantasy…
That’s how they controlled their evil ecstasy…
(Roar)
They tortured the poor child’s emotions
They spitted at his good devotions
The young boy was officially lost!!!

This is a song. You don't need exclamation marks. You can use them but putting multiple of them is just unnecessary, and makes it look weird.

First person (High and calm voice):

They didn’t have the eyes!
They saw only their lies!
They did not have any ears!
If the boy would stay good that would be their fears…

If he (or she) has a calm voice, there CAN NOT be exclamation marks. Capichi?

(Roar)
They tortured the poor child’s emotions
They spitted at his good devotions
The young boy was officially lost!!!
(Roar)
And now so the evil grows in me!!!
It spreads in my veins!!!
The burning anger is still in my wounded blood stains!!!
For your types I have no respect
In me for you there is no good to detect
(Chuckle)
I break out of my chains!
I am burning in flames!!
I run at you now!!!
The chances are gone!!!!
Your friends have fled!!!!!
But it won’t be me who will have your head (Long pause)

Chuckle? This is no place to chuckle, maybe laugh... no even better bellow a mad laugh... Chuckling is for sissies.


All together, Good idea, the song itself was good, but there are the little things also, that have to be taken to account.

Good work though.