My Glass Box

I’m surrounded by glass
Which Frost’s lips have touched
I watch the people walk by
And they don’t hear me sigh

I’m in a glass box
Trying to find a way to be free
And no one hears my weeping breaths
As I fight through their own dreams

I get inside their heads
Yet they don’t know I exist
And I save their little worlds
While they walk past me

But when the frost leaves the panes
And I can see clearly again
I will step out of the box
And join their day


This fits my char, Tova.

I really liked this, the isolation that they feel is really strong .

Favourite line:

I get inside their heads
Yet they don’t know I exist
And I save their little worlds
While they walk past me

Do you have somewhere you draw inspiration from or is this something your writing from a personal emotion? I agree very much with the previous comment that this comes off very strong. My only criticism is to use more colorful adjectives.

Great job!
nightmare

Thank you!
My poems are very random, and I can't really explain where the inspiration comes from. This one vaguely links to my life, in which I always feel like a lurker, not included. But others - like Black Heart - I don't understand myself, since (in that case) I've never even been in a romantic relationship, forget a breakup.

Hi, I'm going to review your poem today!

artistpersona wrote:I’m surrounded by glass
Which Frost’s lips have touched the personification doesn't work for me for one reason: I think you are talking about Robert Frost. Maybe I'm an insane nerd. Anyway, I think Which Frost has touched would work just as well.
I watch the people walk by
And they don’t hear me sigh
why use rhyme here and no where else? It sounds contrived

I’m in a glass box
Trying to find a way to be free trying to be free. don't ask, just change it, please.
And no one hears my weeping breaths how can you have weeping breaths? I don't understand.
As I fight through their own dreams nice!

I get inside their heads
Yet they don’t know I exist
And I save their little worlds
While they walk past me

But when the frost leaves the panes
And I can see clearly againis this an attempt to rhyme? It sounds like that, I can see clearly now the rain has gone song. Just saying.
I will step out of the box
And join their day join their day??? I don't get this line. Does not flow


This fits my char, Tova.

I didn't really "get" your poem. I mean, I understood most of it but it didn't make me feel anything. It has it's charms but I guess it's not for everybody.