past the point of no return

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 43
[045. shackles] Point of no return

Roma, Italy.

Holy city on the peninsula, I stand alone in shackles with
gilded memoirs, cold engravings
frozen in my steeples,
bringing myself to wake before the dawn awakens
looking for my people—looking for their fix—
looking for an answer between the sheets of sky.
The holy cries of salvation hide the quiet lies.
Beneath the machinery, the horned devil sighs.
And where I stand, engulfed in crystal chains,
shadows little boys with darting eyes, and
the rag-tag of pauper lives.
Where the bell sings clear and proud
the servants’ muffled weeping.
Where the stained-glass halls tickle with light,
the darkness house the sleeping.
Strange now to think of it this way,
borne of emperors, under shield and cross.
Borne of men and buried by men,
steeled by will and iron fist, jewels gaudy at the hilt.
With memory I seek a passage,
where sickness took damned souls,
other sick, wearied, harrowed ghouls,
grasped by scalp, greasy hairs,
brought to me as trophies with deadened stares.
Past the point of right and wrong,
where morals, code, and law all run together,
in one lake of charcoaled ashes—
gleaming like the new borne babe.
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2258
Reviews 135
Truly amazing work there, Medusa!
Keep it up, and just a little note, add more detail! :smt016

Have fun writing,

Shanan-cat! :elephant:
"Laugh like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching, and love like you're going to doe tomorrow." --Unknown




User avatar
Gender Other
Points 89625
Reviews 1272
This is nice lyrically, but the point is a little confusing. Which city is she talking about? For awhile it seems that she's talking about where she was taken from, then other times it's like she's talking about Rome.

And why would she be chained?

One little line that caught me:


bringing myself to wake before the dawn awakens


Too many "wake"s in here. Perhaps "arises" instead of "awakens?

Overall I liked the way this flowed for most lines and showing society as a bejeweled bully. Good work!
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 43
The city is Roma, Italy. She is chained because although she is wealthy, she is corrupt and so forced to remain desolate, like the lone, dark beauty.

Thanks for reviewing guys. I'll check out your work ASAP.

-Medusa.
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?



Even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief