Young Writers Society

Tiny, Red Ant
BY Adrian

I stepped on an ant,
but it didn’t bleed.
I felt its body,
but it didn’t scream.
I stepped on an ant.

It popped underneath my weight.
I could have stepped left.
I could have stepped right.
Instead, I stepped on an ant
knowing it was there.

There are a thousand and one reasons
not to step on an ant,
yet I couldn’t think
of just one.

Tiny, red ant stuck
on the bottom of my shoe.

I carried it along the sidewalk
bashing its body further.
Its bleeding worsening
And screams loudening,
I kept walking.

Tiny, red an stuck
on the bottom of my shoe.

did you write this for a class? any hoosier, i liked it... except for maybe the end, where you said its screams loudened... unless you ment it to be like symbolic where it was actually your consious screaming, like edgar ellen poes the beating heart or whatever... but other wise, it kinda distracted from the complex inner workings of taking a life, however small... ya digg G!

I don't know. I like the idea, but I didn't feel your emotions. It was just like everyday where we walk on things we didn't know was there. If that was your intention, than I guess it can work, but for me, emotion is very important.

I stepped on an ant,
but it didn’t bleed.(I would add 'seem' between 'didn't' and 'bleed')
I felt its body,
but it didn’t scream.
I stepped on an ant.(Okay, now this was interesting. The rest of the stanza is good, but when you get here, it...I don't know. I don't feel it should be here at all. If it was your intention, please tell me why.)

It popped underneath my weight.
I could have stepped left.
I could have stepped right.
Instead, I stepped on an ant
knowing it was there.

I believe that you could have said more. You are just saying that the ant popped under your weight and then all of the sudden you're saying that you could have walked left or right. I would try to show the pain that was inflicted when the ant popped under his weight.

I carried it along the sidewalk
bashing its body further.
Its bleeding worsening
And screams loudening,
I kept walking.

Same story with the first stanza. everything goes perfectly, but then the last sentence breaks it apart.

I like the poem. It is a good idea. I just feel some parts are not good and needs a little work. Other than that, it was good.

For one thing, I think you should remove all the periods and commas from this piece. In some poems, it works, here, it halts the flow.

I stepped on an ant,

but it didn’t bleed.

I felt its body,

but it didn’t scream.

I stepped on an ant.

I think the last line here 'I stepped on an ant.' should be separated. It will stand well on its own and in a piece without punctuation, to have just the one period here will have a strong effect.

I liked this piece. I didn't feel anything from it, true, but the purpose I think was to be disconnected and detached, much like the protagonist stepping on the ant and for the most part I think you achieved that effect well.

Cheers

God, I can't believe nobody's raving about this yet!
This is hilarious... in a dark way. Is that what you were aiming for? In any case, it's brilliant. Oddly enough, I was thinking about the ant issue today--how we humans don't bat an eye at squishing the life out of an insect. But what if Earth was invaded by giants who stomped us into bloody pulp and didn't give a darn? I mean, see it from the ant's perspective, people! Sorry... little rant there...
Contrary to what people are saying, I see a lot of emotion here. Depending on the speaker's state, he could have seen this event in a million different ways. At this moment, maybe he's going through a traumatic experience and doesn't care how many stupid ants he kills. Or maybe I'm looking too deep into this. In any case, the speaker's apathy is powerful. He doesn't need to start sobbing and give the ant an elaborate funeral.
Great job. Keep it up.

I agree with Fangala the Flying Feline =D this is a brilliant poem. I don't think it would be good to have terrible, miserable emotions making a mess all over this poem. It's brilliant as it is, numb and disconnected, because that's how we feel when we kill some little animal like that - kind of sad but not really properly, like we should be, but we aren't.

You did this really well =] it's not easy to write a meaningful poem about a little ant, but you pretty much managed it.