As Love and Death Embraced

This was speed written. It was just a crazy idea that popped into my head and I just felt like writing it. It is really short, but I think it doesn't need anymore.



Love hit the screen door. She rubbed her forehead as she threw it open. “Death? Death,” she called. The smoke was everywhere. Love shook her head. She found Death on the loveseat watching a blank television screen with a cigarette in one hand and a lighter in the other. “What the hell are you doing! Why are you just sitting here! Is it today? Aren’t you worried? Do you even care about them?” Love questioned. Death nodded his head.
“They are in love. Let it break them,” he replied slowly. He was very scared for Tess and Ross. They were only sixteen, the same age as Love and himself. He felt Love pull on his shirt sleeve like a little girl.
“Come on…we have to stop them,” Love said struggling to get Death up. Death put out his cigarette and placed his lighter carefully on the coffee table.
The trailor stairs creaked as Love and Death raced down them. They loaded in the truck and Death cranked the ignition. He reversed the truck and hit his garbagecan. He laughed and turned the truck to the road.
Tess sat in Ross’ lap. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked. Ross nodded.
“Only if you want to, babe,” he whispered. She nodded and pulled out the handguns. Hers was nicely polished while Ross’ was grimy and had fingerprints all over it. Tess carefully loaded the gun while she breathed slowly. She had one bullet. Once hers was loaded Ross handed her his gun. Tess also loaded this one carefully.
Death sped down the highway occasionally looking at Love who was biting her nails nervously.Love jumped as the bumpy, dirt road began under the wheels. Death reached over and grabbed her hand. He pulled it up to his lips and kissed it softly. “We’ll get there in time. Stop fretting,” he said. Love nodded and went back to biting her nails. They pulled into the driveway.
Tess handed Ross his loaded gun and he kissed her breast softly. Tess felt one tear roll down her cheek. They kissed eachother meaningfully and held the gun to each others heads.
Love jumped out of the truck and Death raced after her inside.
“No!” Love screamed at the kissing couple. It was to late.
The gunshots rung through their ears
As down ran the tears
From their face
This happened on the night
That Love and Death embraced.

Wow! That was really sad. Good, but really sad. It moved quickly, sometimes hard to understand. But it was good. Sad and good, a combination that is sometimes hard to write.

Good job,

TNC

I liked it a lot personally. It was different and sad. A little confusing sometimes but then it all neatens out at the end. I loved the ending no matter how sad it was.

Really great job

Cait

There are a few things you should clear up to make this better:

How are Love and Death related to the ending? Why would they both want to stop it?

Overall, I think it was good, just very, very unclear. I love the ending line, but am a little iffy with the execution of the piece as a whole. I think there should be more. More emotion, more showing, more description, etc.

For a rough draft conjured up in minutes, however, it is very, very intriguingly good and you get a gold star just for originality.

Keep up the good work.

-JC

I agree that it was interesting and very creative, but there are a lot of things unanswered.

Like why were they killing each other?

What was Death and Love's relationship with Tess and Ross? Dp they just watch over people?

The beginning was pretty comfusing itself:

“They are in love. Let it break them,” he replied slowly. He was very scared for Tess and Ross.

This doesn't make him seem scared. Exlplain how he's feeling better.

They were only sixteen, the same age as Love and himself. He felt Love pull on his shirt sleeve like a little girl.

Who are Love and Death? Explain that a little better, I think. It doesn't seem like they should only be 16...

The last sentence doesn't really flow as well as I personally would have liked. I would either add more periods to make it sound more choppy if that's what you were going for, or make it flow better.

Good job!
Kaila

I don't think you have to make it much longer, neccesarily, but I would try to explain it a little better. It's a great start, and a really good idea, I just think it could use to be added to a little.