Clover's Curse - Chapter 7

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Thanks to Livingingfantasy and Clo for the reviews. Editing and any other form of advice welcome!

Inspirational Song: Carefree by The Refreshments

Chapter 7: Suprise!

I did just as Alejandro told me to do: headed south. I’d been walking for no less than an hour when the trees began to thin and I was walking on a trail among glorious green hills. The stars sprinkled across the black canvas of the sky were the only source of light to guide me. I was so glad I was out of the creepy woods. I didn’t know what kind of monsters I’d run into in the midst of all the trees, but now, with nothing but green valleys and hills stretching out around me, I was carefree. I didn’t even trip all that much.

It wasn’t long before I found the inn Alejandro was talking about. It was tucked into a large dent in one of the giant green hills just off the road. The big sign over the entry way read Mamma’s Inn. It looked more like a tavern than an inn. It reminded me a lot of Dewey’s bar back in Shelton, only bigger. It was lively and animated, with bright lights streaming out of the open doorway and windows. I heard cheerful piano music being played and eagerly went inside.

It looked like a bar on the inside, too. The floor was rough and wooden and nearly all the tables were occupied. The place was very, very crowded. Probably because it was free of charge. There were lots of drunk people laughing it up, and I made a vow to stay away from the Tequila and any other form of alcohol.

Behind the counter was the most gorgeous waitress I’d ever laid eyes on. She carried a little bit of extra weight, but it went to all the right places, if you know what I mean. She was shapely and voluptuous. Her dark brown hair fell down in loose curls around her olive toned face. She revealed a set of pearly white teeth as she smiled teasingly at the men flirting with her behind the counter. She turned her head in my direction as I approached.

“Hey there, handsome,” she greeted me brightly, “What can I do for you?”

“I need a place to stay,” I explained.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place, then,” she said, “I’m Mamma Verena. I own this inn. Food, drinks and rooms are free here. Other than that, we don’t offer service to anyone. You make your own bed, clean your own space, and watch your own back. Of course if you act out, we kick you out. Understood?”

No money? Free food and drinks? A free bed? Now this was my kind of crib.

“Sounds good to me.” I replied.

Mamma Verena smiled at me, “Have a seat then.”

I sat down and glanced around the room again. Everyone looked like they were having a good time. I mean, that was probably due to the free beer, but still. If Mamma Verena didn’t charge anyone here, how did she make any profit? I made a mental note to ask her that later. I also noticed that the rest of the serving wenches were all attractive in some way or another. All the guys were constantly flirting with them.

Mamma Verena scurried back to the bar and some more men vied for her attention.

“Hey Mamma, can I get another drink over here?” a man sitting with his buddies called in a gruff voice. He held up his empty mug – nearly dropping it, I might add - and winked at her.

“Already? That’s your fourth drink in a row.” Mamma protested.

“Just can’t get enough of your lovin’, Mamma.” He spoke with slurred speech, and the rest of his friends all laughed at him. Mamma Verena shook her head and smiled wickedly at his buddies.

“Do me a favor, boys,” she said alluringly, “Take him back up to his bed. I’m not in the mood for a drunken fight tonight.”

It was definitely a good thing that I was staying away from the alcohol, then.

“Drunk? What are you talking about? I ain’t drunk! I’m – hey, where’d the ground go?” Two of his friends had hauled him off the ground and were heading toward the stairs. He was still mumbling incoherently about not being drunk. His friends snickered and dragged him up the steps. Mamma Verena shook her head disapprovingly.

“He’s going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow,” she said to herself.

“Someone once told me a good bartender always has some Hangover Helper stashed around.” I said without thinking. Mamma Verena turned to me with a surprised expression.

“And who might that someone be?” she asked, a smile twitching at the corners of her full lips.

“An old friend.” I muttered. I mean, I doubted I was ever going to see Dewey again.

“Must have been a wise friend.” She replied, “So what’s your name, cutie?”

“Clover,” I grimaced as I spoke my name.

“Clover,” she repeated, laughing, “That’s adorable.”

I blinked. There was a new one.

“Can I get you anything, Clover?” she offered.

I yawned, suddenly realizing how tired I was.

“I’m actually pretty tired,” I admitted.

“Oh, well we can take care of that.” She said. She turned around and called over her shoulder, “Marybell!”

A cute blonde waitress bounced over from the table she was cleaning. She had on a short white apron over a short black dress and wore a red headband in her curly blond hair. She looked at me curiously with her ice blue eyes as she approached us.

“Clover here needs a room,” Mamma Verena explained.

“Clover?” Marybell giggled. I scowled.

“So it would be appreciated if you showed him where his room is,” Mamma Verena said in an almost scolding tone, “Poor boy looks dead beat.”

“Of course,” Marybell tried her best to hide her smirk, “Follow me.”

She led me up the stairs and I followed her, eager to get some shut eye.

“So, this is a good place Mamma Verena’s got going,” I commented as we reached the top of the stairs.

“It sure is,” Marybell agreed, “You know, this was supposed to be a place where soldiers could stop and rest for a while, but as you can see, that’s changed. Mostly ‘cause of the free drinks. Not a lot of people stay here overnight…well, only if they’re really drunk. They usually leave after a night of fun.”

I followed her down the long hallway and she stopped at a door at the very end.

“Here you are,” she said, “You know how to use a door, right?”

I gave her a black look, “I’m sure I can manage.”

She laughed devilishly and sauntered away. I snorted and opened the door to my room.

It was really small, but at this point, I didn’t really care. The person who had last stayed here didn’t bother to make the bed or pick up the towels scattered on the floor, but I was just glad I had a place to spend the night. I trudged over to the messy bed, plopped down, and shut my eyes.

***

I was absolutely ravenous when I woke up. I could tell Munchie was, too; he was already up and about, sniffing around the room for something he could nibble on. I got out of bed and stretched out.

“Come on, Munchie,” I said, my voice still heavy with sleep, “Let’s go get breakfast.”

When I went downstairs into the bar, there was soft music playing, and the place was a lot less crowded than last night. I guessed this place was only packed during the night hours. I went to the counter and sat in an empty stool next to the guy who was drunk last night. He was drinking a mug of coffee and rubbing his temples, his eyes half open. He winced when the stool screeched as I pulled it back.

“Knock it off, would you? Hangover over here!” he yelled at me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I remembered how it felt to be hung over, and felt a little sympathetic towards the guy.

Mamma Verena came over to me from behind the counter with a bright smile on her face.

“Hey, handsome. Did you sleep well?” her dark chocolate eyes roamed over my face in scrutiny.

“Like a baby,” I replied, “thanks.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said, “Can I get you anything?”

“Sure, what do you have?” I asked eagerly.

“Do pancakes sound okay?”

“That sounds great,” I said enthusiastically, “I’m starving.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back with that,” she winked at me and walked away, disappearing behind the door in the back of the bar.

I took Munchie out of my pocket when I finally noticed that the hangover guy was staring at me. I looked up at him, and was a little scared by his loathing expression.

“What does she see in you?” he wondered.

Of course I knew who he was talking about. But there was no chance Mamma Verena saw me in that way at all. She was probably more than ten years older than me. It was most likely a motherly thing that she was so nice to me.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just a motherly thing,” I muttered, wondering why I was explaining myself to this loser. If he wanted a chance with Mamma Verena, he’d have to stop drinking first.

“Hmph,” he grunted and returned to sipping his coffee.

A few moments later, Mamma Verena showed up again and placed a plate of steaming hot pancakes in front of me, complete with bacon, eggs and strawberries.

“There you go,” she said merrily.

“Thanks Mamma,” I returned gratefully. I dug in like pig. Hey, I couldn’t help myself, I was hungry!

Mamma Verena just laughed at my slovenliness and tousled my hair, “You’re so cute.”

That caused the guy with the hangover to glare daggers at me. I intentionally kept my eyes on my plate as I snarfed down my food. I really didn’t want to get into another fight.

“Clover,” I heard a familiar voice call my name from behind me.

I turned and stared in shock with my mouth full of food at who was standing in the doorway, surrounded by the morning light that filtered in around her. She stared at me with apprehension in her jade green eyes.

Ivory.
Last edited by Dreamworx95 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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:) Nice.

I don't know how many times I've said this: use a period at the end of dialog, if it's the end of a sentence.

she greeted me brightly, "What can I do for you?"


That's one instance. It would read more smoothly as, "she greeted me brightly. 'What can I do for you?'"

If Mamma Verena didn't charge anything for this place, how did she make any profit?


I was wondering that myself. She doesn't sound like the type who would hire out her maids to... entertain guests.

two of his friends had picked him up.


New sentence, it needs a capital letter.

As usual, you turned a very amusing chapter. Hope to read the rest soon.




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Ivory!!!

Yes! I knew she was coming back! I just knew it! Now the picture in my crystal ball is starting to get clearer; I'm starting to see that Ivory is going to be part of the excitement in the next chapter, no?

Don't answer that!

Anyway, since I don't have a crit, I'd be glad to point out some things I enjoyed:
    Your Descriptions of surroundings and characters. You really make me feel like I'm watching everything take place... one thing though, please don't limit your descriptions to sight. I've noticed that is something you rely on a lot. It's well done, don't get me wrong, but I'd also want to experience what Clover is experiencing... not just see it.

    The Character Development of Clover is well done also. The little things like saying his true name though he knows he'll regret it later, and not wanting to go near alcohol again says things about his character.

Now I have have some questions:
    Why is it such a big deal to Mr. Hangover that Mamma Verena is so charming towards Clover?

    How does Mamma make profit from this place? Does she work somewhere else. Or is there some other service here no one knows of?

    And why is Ivory here? More importantly... why is she acknowledging him? Didn't they not particularly like each other (even though he has a tiny crush on her... sorta)?


Don't answer those!

~LIF




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:D Ditto to what the others said. I'm veeery curious... *rubs chin thoughtfully*

Oh, and here's a little thing:
“Glad to here it,”
I do believe she's hearing it, actually.

Well done, though! I'm excited to see Ivory again!
Thanks for the read!
--Anna
"Man needs music, literature, and painting--all those oases of perfection that make up art--to compensate for the rudeness and materialism of life." -Fernando Botero




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Aaaaugh, I suck. XD Why is it I never get around to reviewing your stuff in a timely manner? I feel like such a jerk. XD

Oookay, first things first: Yay Ivory’s back~! I love her. ^_^ I love just about all your characters, now that I think of it. XD The new characters here—Mamma and Marybell—are likable too. I did think… and, I really dunno how important they’re going to be to the plot, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt… that they got kind of a disproportionate amount of description compared to everyone else, though, considering their apparently small roles. You gave them each a paragraph o’ description, which, as I remember, isn’t very common in this story, but it doesn’t seem like they’re going to be long-term characters. So… yeah. XD I’m not even sure if I have a point. Sorry.

I also kinda notice that, especially in the very beginning, you start a lot of sentences with the same word, and it gets a little repetitive. This wouldn’t be a problem except that it gets a little bit jarring for the reader…

Gah, sorry if this review isn’t all that detailed. One of the reasons I had a hard time getting this written is that… well, not a lot really seems to happen in this chapter. That’s not a bad thing—it’s a short chapter, and at some point you’ve got it get from Point A to Point B—but there’s just not a lot of major plot or character developments to comment on, and I couldn’t find any grammar errors, so I’m kinda lost for something to comment on here. XD I feel like a huge jerk now, sorry…

I will say this, though—with the plot twist at the end of this chapter, I’m eager to proceed. I want to know why Ivory’s here~~ XD

Anyway, I should be around with the next review soon. I hope. God, I’m the worst reviewer ever. XD
"The world is not beautiful, therefore, it is." --Kino's Journey

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The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree