A Broken Promise.

My tears are bitter,
Salty from sadness.
My anger makes
My face hot.
Promises unkept-
They make me weep.
Anger because I can't
Make you keep it.
Disappointment because:
I trusted you.
And bitterness-
Because you broke it.
My trust in you has gone
Like the shooting star above.
Why?
Why did you lie?
To keep me here?
Can't you see,
Forcing me here,
Is a great misery?
Let me go-
I can make the choice
That is right for me.
Just don't-
Keep me with:
Broken promises,
Tell me the truth,
I want to trust you...
But I can't-
Not when you keep lying.

Awwwww...
It was beautiful Kaylyn! I loved it! You strucked me in awe with your poems again!

My trust in you has gone
Like the shooting star above.
Why?
Why did you lie?
To keep me here?
Can't you see,
Forcing me here,
Is a great misery?

I liked that part the best. Truly beautiful.
Good job, and gold star!

Very deep poem.
Sounds like how I felt about my ex.

Promises unkept-

They make me weep.

Anger because I can't

Make you keep it.

Disappointment because:

I trusted you.

And bitterness-

Because you broke it.

I love these lines they flow very smoothly which is always good

Thanks for all the positive crit.

My face hot from heat

It's repetitive. Maybe try, "My face hot from shame."

Not a bad piece. It could certainly stand improvement.

Thanks for the crit. I knew that it couldn't be perfect.
I edited it.

Hey Kaylyn.

My tears are bitter,

Salty from sadness.

My anger makes

My face hot.

Err is it not obvious that tears are salty and that anger makes your face hot? Why write about something that we already know?

Promises unkept-

They make me weep.

Why? How? Give an example.

Why?

Why did you lie?

To keep me here?

Can't you see,

Forcing me here,

Is a great misery?

I don't get as to why you are using rhetorical questions in a poem. As you are the poet, you should be answering these questions yourself, not the audience. Rhetroical questions shouldn't really even be used in poetry unless it's used to establish contrast.

That is right for me.

Just don't-

Keep me with:

Broken promises,

Tell me the truth,

I want to trust you...

But I can't-

Not when you keep lying.

So what are you trying to express here? That it's difficult to trust someone? That promises are easily broken? No offence, but it reads more like a script that I would find on soaps like "Home and Away".

Overall impressions:

There doesn't seem to be a central focus of the poem. It relies too heavily on "telling the audience" as to what the poet wants/feels and blatant ideas (that we as a society have been heavily exposed to in the media) as an attempt to invoke any sort of reaction with the audience. I think you should take one of your own views on what "trust" is and just focus on it. Do you think it's redeeming? A curse? A double edged sword? Easy to lose?

You then need to find examples or ways to back up what you are saying. Take this as an example:

My trust in you has gone

Like the shooting star above

It tells the idea that trust comes and goes and may not always be true. Many pray on a shooting star in the hopes their wishes would come true. However, it is only superstition, it only gives them a temporary fantasy where their dreams and desires become true. Therefore it can't really be trusted. But the sad thing is that it will once it's gone, it's gone forever.

Now that line I suggest that you keep since it is actually an example that backs up a certain theme of trust (that is if you are planning to do another poem targeted specifically at "the coming and going of trust and that it cannot be trusted).

Poetry is about expressing and backing up a theme or idea using examples. Conventions in poetry help to shape these examples in various ways to create a range of effects. Go onto google and look up various poetry conventions. Learn how they are used and how it works.

Remember, when writing poetry 1) Write about a certain theme/idea that you have views on 2) Don't state blatant ideas/ description 3) Don't ask questions (unless you are establishing contrast) and 4) Don't directly tell the audience as to how you think/feel. Use examples (poetry conventions) to back up what you are saying.

I hope this critique has helped. Good luck.

Andy.