A Haiku and 4 line poem

Hullo. The Haiku is entitled "To Be Dead: Haiku." Tell me what ye think...

7-19-05

To be dragonfly;
dead. To be gone; to be sky,
and spirit, and s*n.


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The other poem t'was Katch as Katch Can. It be this;

7-20-05

Cyclones swallow
fat feet.
Rebuild me like this
I’m naked and hollow



Thanks for reading, and if you do comment, thank you for that. Tell me what you honestly think, as much as you can, please....I promise I will not write down anything angry, and if I break this promise, do be sure to hold it against me sometime, because that just wouldn't be cool....so thanks.

Didn't like the haiku. Haiku should float right off your tongue, and this just didn't. Because they are so restrictive in length, you have to be extremely careful in your choice of words. Repeating words andvery similar sentences is something that should be avoided.

The second poem, can't really comment on it because I didn't get it.

Yeah, as a haiku it wasn't very good. However, if you extended it and made into something different i think it shows a lot of promise. Maybe give that a try.

Second one was too short to draw any comments from me.

whats s*n mean? Is it some abreviation?

ya what does that mean?