the wolf mystery

We looked around. I felt sick at what I saw. Bodies covered the floor, blood spilling frt om every part of them.
We were standing in the middle of it all, looking out at the field that, just a few minutes ago, was a war zone.
On all of our faces the was a grave expression, none of us were happy about what we had just done.
"Are you okay?" asked Matt looking anxiously at me.
"I-I-I think so, but I still don't understand why this had to happen and why I couldn't be there to help"
"Well," started Alice "they were trying to kill Jack, we had to do something, and they killed my uncle, we couldn't just let them get away with it!"
"But why couldn't I..." Matt interrupted before I could finish.
"You couldn't help because if you were fighting you would have been killed. I love you so obviously I don't want that to happen. You would have seen me be attacked and stop concentraiting, last time that almost got you killed. It was a huge risk just to have you near the field. I mean what the hell was I supposed to do if they all went for you?! You would die, and do you expect me just to move on, forget about you? I don't think so. That's why you couldn'y be fighting, because you wouldn't just hurt yourself, you would hurt me! Why do you think we came to a meddow surounded by forest, so we could hide you." He started talking so fast I couldn't understand a word, but his face was so sad I had to stop him, he looked like he was being tortured.
"STOP!" I shouted, his face twisted into a surprised expression. "Stop, I understand,Jesus, your gonna burst a vain or something if you carry on. But we are both alive and it's over now, there's nothing to worry about." I tried to be calm but my voice shook. Matt pulled me close and hugged me so tight I could hardly breath. We turned round to see Jacks wolf body run off into the forest, I cant believe this was all for him!

Well, being a wolf lover, when I saw the word "wolf" in your title, I had to take a look. I have to admit, this story needs a lot of work.

First off, use capital letters at the beginning of sentences, and don't forget to capitalize "i's." Not doing so makes your work come across as hurried and unsophisticated. It definitely didn't impress me that your first sentence started with a lower-case "w."

Also, write fluidly and give explanations, such as insights into the main character's thoughts. The story was all over the place. Why is there a field of dead bodies? Why are the two people hugging? And how the heck does some guy run into the forest and change into "human form?" (though I'm assuming he's a werewolf)
Wait a second, there's a forest?!

See, you need to describe with more detail. What's the setting, what do the characters look like, and, mainly, why are they killing people?

From what I could discern from the story, it sounded like a Twilight saga spin-off. I mean, two lovers, but one is forced to stay away in case she is killed? Sounds exactly like the end of Eclipse.

I think you have a good idea for a story here, and I love werewolf stories, but you really should start from scratch. This is a very short piece of writing, and it wouldn't be too hard to start over. It needs to be longer, too.

Overall, this really needs some improvement. If you'd like, you could PM after you've re-written it and I'll have another look. Try coming up with more ideas for what could happen in the story as well so it doesn't seem like a copy of Stephenie Meyer's work.

Ok, it's been a real long time sice I reviewed anything, so have pity on me here...

we looked around. I felt sick at what i saw

capitilize we and I.

Bodies covered the floor, blood spilling from everywhere.

a bit confusing, rather something like: Blood was everywhere, or something

we were standing i

we capitilzed.

"I-I-I think so, but i still don't understand why this had to happen and why i couldn't be there to help"

Capitalize I and I.

But why couldn't i..." Matt interupted before i could finish.

I...cap...ti...liz...ed

and i cant live without

Capitalize I, and put an apostrophe at can't

How could i live if you

I

"STOP!" i shouted, his face twisted into a surprised expression. "Stop, i understand, i couldn't live

Capitalize I, I and I


Other than all the I's, I would say you should show us a bit more of how their surroundings looked, for example, I only found out that there was a forest at the end.

The whole thing felt very rushed, which is an effect you can give in an effective way without being choppy. I would take a couple of minutes and tell us exactly what the characters are seeing, and how Amy is feeling.

Personally, the bit about not being able to live without each other was a little too much, especially since you don't know the history between the two. Again, you can express concern, or relief to such an extent that isn't nearly as dramatic.

Spell check is a wonderful thing, as is good grammar. It's not something I'm perfect at, but most computers have a spell check, and a grammar check. I use both on a regular basis.

Also, I assumed that all of the characters were human, given that Amy and Matt hugged each other. But when Jack started heading back into the forest in his human form. If Jack was already a wolf, was Matt also? If he was, how was he able to hug Amy in the way you described?

I wouldn't say throw it away, or delete it, because we all need somewhere to start. Use it as a guide, and it can actually be a big help; but I agree with denj, try writing it again. See where it takes you.

Okay, you need to change a lot here. First of all, capitalize some of those sentences!

amylouise wrote:we looked around.

The W should be capitalized.

Second, the story is a little short, so it doesn't go much into detail about anything. I can understand this in

I felt sick at what i saw. Bodies covered the floor, blood spilling from everywhere.
we were standing in the middle of it all, looking out at the field that, just a few minutes ago, was a war zone.
on all of our faces the was a grave expression, none of us were happy about what we had just done.
"Are you ok?" asked Matt looking anxiously at me.
"I-I-I think so, but i still don't understand why this had to happen and why i couldn't be there to help"
"Well," started Alice "they were trying to kill Jack, we had to do something, and they killed my uncle, we couldn't just let them get away with it!"
"But why couldn't i..." Matt interupted before i could finish.
"You couldn't help because if you were fighting you would have been killed, and i cant live without you. It was a huge risk just to have you near the field. I was worried the whole time, if they would find you and what they would do. How could i live if you didn't, when we were fighting those people, i couldn't concentrate, all i could think was don't hurt amy, don't hurt her..." He started talking so fast I couln't understand a word, but his face was so sad i had to stop him, he looked like he was being tortured.
"STOP!" i shouted, his face twisted into a supprised expression. "Stop, i understand, i couldn't live without you either, but we are both alive and it's over now, theres nothing to worry about." I tried to be carm but my voice shook. Matt pulled me close and hugged me so tight I could hardly breath. We tured round to see Jack run in to the forest to change back in to human form!

This is a good start to a story, but there are some errors. First of all, you have to capitalize several things such as this:

amylouise wrote:we looked around.

Also, you can't get around telling the reader what is happening in the story and what the setting is

I felt sick at what i saw. Bodies covered the floor, blood spilling from everywhere.
we were standing in the middle of it all, looking out at the field that, just a few minutes ago, was a war zone.
on all of our faces the was a grave expression, none of us were happy about what we had just done.
"Are you ok?" asked Matt looking anxiously at me.
"I-I-I think so, but i still don't understand why this had to happen and why i couldn't be there to help"
"Well," started Alice "they were trying to kill Jack, we had to do something, and they killed my uncle, we couldn't just let them get away with it!"
"But why couldn't i..." Matt interupted before i could finish.
"You couldn't help because if you were fighting you would have been killed, and i cant live without you. It was a huge risk just to have you near the field. I was worried the whole time, if they would find you and what they would do. How could i live if you didn't, when we were fighting those people, i couldn't concentrate, all i could think was don't hurt amy, don't hurt her..." He started talking so fast I couln't understand a word, but his face was so sad i had to stop him, he looked like he was being tortured.
"STOP!" i shouted, his face twisted into a supprised expression. "Stop, i understand, i couldn't live without you either, but we are both alive and it's over now, theres nothing to worry about." I tried to be carm but my voice shook. Matt pulled me close and hugged me so tight I could hardly breath. We tured round to see Jack run in to the forest to change back in to human form![/quote]

This is a good start to a story, but there are some errors. First of all, you have to capitalize several things such as this:

amylouise wrote:we looked around.

Also, you can't get around telling the reader what is happening in the story and what the setting is. You'll have to explain it at some point, so keep this in mind as you write more of this story.

We looked around. I felt sick at what I saw. Bodies covered the floor, blood spilling from everywhere. We were standing in the middle of it all, looking out at the field that, just a few minutes ago, was a war zone. On all of our faces a grave expression took over, none of us were happy about what we had just done.

"Are you okay?" asked Matt looking anxiously at me.

"I- think so, but I still don't understand why this had to happen and why i couldn't be there to help"
"Well," started Alice "They were trying to kill Jack, we had to do something, and they killed my uncle, we couldn't just let them get away with it!"

"But why couldn't I-" Matt interrupted before I could finish.

"You couldn't help because if you were fighting you would have been killed, and i can’t live without you. It was a huge risk just to have you near the field. I was worried the whole time, if they would find you and what they would do. How could I live if you didn't, when we were fighting those people, I couldn't concentrate, all I could think was; ‘don't hurt Amy, don't hurt her...’ He started talking so fast I couldn’t understand a word, but his face was so sad I had to stop him, he looked like he was being tortured.

"STOP!" I shouted, his face twisted into a surprised expression. "Stop, I understand, i couldn't live without you either, but we are both alive and it's over now, there’s nothing to worry about." I tried to be calm but my voice shook. Matt pulled me close and hugged me so tight I could hardly breathe. We turned around to see Jack run in to the forest to change back in to human form.

I would process this through Microsoft Word.
It is a fine piece of writing, but it needs work.
You need to start with captical letters, and when you write, make sure you're spelling is correct. Also, if you wanted to write professionaly, you would need to self-edit this, I have a grave feeling you wrote it on the spot without planning it nor caring of the presentation.
All in all, nice work, you have a nice flowing texture to your writing, oh and one more thing, if you add detail, it would make the reader feel more intimate with the characters

Good luck,
Inksplatter.