________________________________________________________
3. Under the tree
At five o’clock my last class ended. As I walked to the bus stop, I heard some seniors comment on Ashley and Ethan’s break up and how he skipped all the classes that day. I started worrying. I thought to myself “Don’t worry, he’s a big guy. He’s fine. He’s probably at the bus right now saving me a seat”.
He wasn’t. He wasn't at the bus stop in front of the school; neither did he get on the bus, and he wasn't anywhere near our street stop. I left my school bag at home and went to the last place of my list of where he could be. I went to Hyde Park II, to the tree I called mine. As I wished, I wasn’t the only one there. Ethan was there apparently silent, thinking. I assumed it was because of Ashley. I walked towards him. He knew I was there, but he didn’t look at me. He seemed distant, too embraced on his thoughts. He sat under the tree, which branches were leaning to the dark green grass. His eyes were wandering for the horizont hidden by the trees in the large park and the weak breeze was moving his chestnut hair. I kneeled beside him.
“I know this is a stupid question; but, Ethan, are you all right?”
He didn’t answer.
“Are you okay?” I asked again “Man, that break up must really have shook you up. “
“It’s not like that…” he murmured “It’s definitely not that.” Putting a smile on his face, facing his thoughts with certainty.
“What is it then?”
He was looking me in the eyes. Those beautiful green eyes. Our faces were three inches apart. His proximity woke the nervousness in me.
“I want you…” he said, again, in a low voice, as if he was afraid to disturb the calm silence that surrounded us. There was no other human soul in that park.
Our eyes met, mine full of surprise and confusion, his with fear of rejection. I stopped, my expression of a mixture between embarrassment and still confusion. How could he like me? I have nothing special. I don't deserve him. He's too good for me. I looked at his eyes again, his green eyes still waiting for a reaction. Oh, what the heck. I moved closer, incentivising him to make the next step.
I know this is going to sound movie like, but it actually did felt like the world had stopped when our lips met. It wasn’t like in the films, where they’d have this big passionate kiss.
The first one was quick gentle one. The second lasted a little bit more. When I got to my senses I was lying against the tree making out with Ethan. My hands got up to his neck while the kiss passed the line of great.
I completely lost the sense of right and wrong. That kiss, blanked my mind and stopped my heart.
We apart forcefully by the need to breathe. I opened my eyes to those eyes again. Those eyes that take my breathe again. I didn’t wanted it to stop, to the dream world to fall apart. I was afraid that was just an act of the moment. That it meant nothing and that I would have to forget.
I did not see the reaction I thought I would. His eyes were brighter than I have ever seen them. His smile had more shine that any smile I had ever seen. As I realized it was true, a smile too, appeared on my face. I was happy.
Then it came the awkward question, followed by the awkward conversation.
“Is this… for real?” I asked with a shy voice. I was afraid he’d start laughing and say it was just a joke.
“ It’s for real,” he answered.
Our position was awkward to me. I had my back against the tree, with he over me, his hands supported on the grass beside me. Before anything else, I did the most stupid thing: blushed. He giggled again, diverted by my shy expression. I too couldn’t help laughing, after his funny face. The afternoon passed, until I looked at my watch and saw it was already 8 o’clock. People did not lie when they said that time passes quickly when you’re having fun. Unfortunately.
Before I left, he asked the last question:
“Will you date me, Kate?"
I smlyiled and left with a kiss, not words. Let him interpret as he may.
I really am very incoherent on my reactions. I mean, sometimes I’m so shy, other times I have the guts to do something like that. To know me, you’ll have to understand me.
Later that night, after dinner, I called Rach. She knew about Ethan, of course she knew I tell her everything (well except Ethan’s personal thing, it’s none of my business, no need to tell anyone). When I told her about the afternoon “events” she screamed and congratulated me. She actually knew Ethan. Not very well, but she was dating a friend of his, Matt. Nice guy, by the way.
“By the time you get a boyfriend”
“Come on, back off. You must say I am lucky. I might not have gotten any other, but my first equals for five at the very least!”
“Okay that one I give you!” And we laughed together.
* * *
The next morning, I woke up with a smile, that instantly fell apart, not knowing if the afternoon before was a dream or not. After I reviewed the moment, over and over again, I thought it was true. I went down to breakfast after put on something. A simple dark jeans and a white long sleeves shirt with a blue casual jacket and sneakers. I ate milk and cereals and asked my older sister, Caroline, if yesterday I had spent the afternoon out. She confirmed. I lied when she asked why. A fear popped on my mind. What would Ashley do when she found out?
She’ll make my life living hell, I’ll be miserable. That can’t happen. A solution came right after. It would be hard and difficult to stand, but we had to try.
I discussed it with Ethan in the bus. That morning it wasn’t that full, but now I sit besides him everyday, with or without free seats. I suggested the solution I came up with.
“You can’t be serious, Kate. That’s almost impossible, at least to me.”
“Do you have a better idea? You can’t suggest that I would have to stand being harassed everyday do you?”
“No, of course not. But… to keep away from you all day. It would be only 15 minutes in the morning and what 2, 3 hours in the afternoon?”
“ Yeah…” that idea wasn’t seeming so bright to me, viewed from that plan. I leaned on his shoulder, delighted by the feeling of his body, until we got to the school gate.
There was Ashley. We both looked at her, and decided to go with my idea.
“Bye.”
Ah! Goodbye was harder than I thought. Damn Ashley!
* * *
I never thought it could be this hard. Every time we cross in the hall, or find each other, the temptation of going to him, would suffocate me. I would close my hand, and closed my eyes until he passed by. I was counting the seconds ‘till the classes ended. Ok, everyone was counting the seconds but I had different reasons.
I practically ran to the bus. I saw Ethan running too. He got there first, after all he was fastest, and sat in the back as he usually do. I got there about ten seconds later, he was still breathing hard. It was only later, that I remember he has classes in the remotest classroom. It was really far from the gate. “ Oh, so sweet…”. I still thought of saying it to him, but he would be embarrassed, I guess.
We sat normally in the seats, and waited to the bus to leave the school ground. Around one yard from the school, we kissed over and over, a kiss of longing.
If I’d describe every kiss, you’d be so bored you would never read the rest (I still think no one is going to read anyway, but it’s kind of embarrassing…).
We came up with an agreement. At the mornings we’d meet on the bus stop and on the afternoons we’d meet in the tree on Hyde park, where everything started. If one of us has no one at home, we would go there. On the weekends, if we were free, we would go somewhere. I can’t say I’m happy. Our relationship has so many but’s and if’s.
Oh, well, what can I do? At least there is one. I’m more lucky than most people.
