Unspoken Words - prologue (working title)

So I have no idea what to name this so right now it's going to be Unspoken Words, though I am not at all happy with it. I just wanted to avoid a title with the word 'magic' in it. Blah. Anywho, critiques grealy appreciated!

* * *

It all started when Helen wanted to write a stupid book…

“Come on, Kaylyln, it’ll be fun!” Helen urged me for the millionth time. I was almost to the breaking point because she had been bugging me for hours.

“For the millionth and last time NO!”

Then she started getting all pouty face with me. “Why not?”

I could have just said ‘because I hate writing’ and walk away but I couldn’t do that because:

A) I love writing, just not novels and,

B) She would bug me until I said yes.

“If I say yes will you leave me alone?” I asked

“Oh, thank you, Kay!” She was jumping and screaming. If I knew how to make my ex-boyfriend this happy instead of being so P.O. at me… And before I knew it, Helen had me in her arms, giving me a huge bear hug.

“So what’s the book gonna be about?” I asked as soon as she let go of me and I could breathe again.

“Oh, uh, I was thinking maybe a romance.”

I wrinkled my nose – I didn’t care for the ooy gooey crap. “A romance?”

Helen had her mouth open, ready to reply when the bell rang. Perfect timing, thank God! “Well, gotta go,” I said and sprinted out of there to my next class before she had time to start asking me last minute questions.

I couldn’t believe I had agreed to write a novel. And worse – A romance novel! Little did I know that writing a novel would get me into a whole boatload of trouble? I wish I could still be worrying about zits and typical teen stuff…

this is interesting start! i cant wait to read more! message me when you have more because i would love to fallow this.

This was really to short of a piece for me to critique, but it does look pretty goo so far. I assume the fantasy bit is going to come in later.I found this part really confusing

“Oh, thank you, Kay!” She was jumping and screaming. If I knew how to make my ex-boyfriend this happy instead of being so P.O. at me… And before I knew it, Helen had me in her arms, giving me a huge bear hug.

and I found it alla abit choppy, but if you write more it might be easier to iron out the kinks. Good luck!

Hmmm... An interesting start. It's not long enough yet to fully review, but it sounds intriguing so far. Is it going to be something along the lines of Inkheart, except with writing? I look forward to seeing more. Nice work!

Interresting start, but I think you need to beef it up a bit...

I wrinkled my nose – I didn’t care for the ooy gooey crap.

Like this bit alot

It is to short for me to critique just yet, but please PM me when you have

Yea, as people above me have said this piece of work is a bit small to do a full review on, but I'm not that good at doing reviews anyway. Great work on

I wrinkled my nose – I didn’t care for the ooy gooey crap.

i totally agree, although Pride and Prejudice was good reading, especially for English Lit coursework. Like others i assume the fantasy bit is going to come later, but other than that i think its good going so far.

I could have just said ‘because I hate writing’ and walk away but I couldn’t do that because:


A) I love writing, just not novels and,


B) She would bug me until I said yes.

i like this part. Although it doesnt really fit the convential style of writing it does imply an interesting narrative tone to the story. If you keep it up in this kind of style it is bound to be very enjoyable to read.

It is a good start.
Please write more and keep up the good work.

hello matt..

so, what exactly is this story about?..a typical teen that loves to write, except novels?

since it's still a prologue, i don't understand much about it but i love how the characters seem to act on their own..you might not get the logic, but that's what i feel.

Unspoken Words..it'll make a good title, you know.

keep it up.

god bless.