Not All is a bed of Roses chptr.2

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So here's the next chapter! Hope it's at least ok... :D Reviews are welcome... If you find any error please notify me I can't really tell since English isn't my main language

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2.Meet the Hero

It had to be someone special to be the hero. I do not fall easily (I don’t hate guys but they extinguish my patience with their stupid jokes). It had to be the only one who had broke with Ashley.
His name is Ethan Norwood. I met him in the bus. At that time he was already dating Ashley. I noticed he was there every morning at my bus stop, and every afternoon he would get off there. He was the school's popular guy and I'm one of the invisibles. They don’t match.
In that day, it was in the beginning of the Winter. It was still 1st period and he was dating Ashley since the 3rd period of last year I think. I don’t recall exactly. What changed that day if he was always there, why haven’t you two met before? It must be what you’re thinking. Well that day I didn’t had a seat. Ironically, the only seat was the one next to him. He usually sits with a friend, but today his friend wasn’t there. Inside i think I was kindda happy. I mean, the guy is like heaven incarnate in one person and came down to earth. When he wears white, I can swear he looks like a god (at least to my eyes).
I entered the bus, and as I was late, I was the last one. There was no seat for me. I looked around. He was looking out the window with an indecipherable expression on his handsome face. As shy as I usually am towards cute guys, I prepared myself through the bus to talk to him. When I got to the only available seat I said:
“ Hum, may I sit here?”
As I took too long, the bus started and I lost balance and begin falling backwards. It was all too quick. I just felt him grab my hand, and we both fell on the seats. Embarrassed, I tried to get up, but he had his arm around my waist. I blushed, my cheeks turning bright red. After almost twenty seconds he didn’t move.
“Can you let me go?”
He chuckled.
“Your heart is beating really fast…” he joked.
Ah! All I wanted was a hole to fall into!
“That’s… you have nothing to do with it!” I said with a sulky voice.
“ You were the one on top of me.”
“ I… you… grab me… Argh!” I said with frustration, after he showed a face of true delight.
I wanted to hit him with my bag. That was when I noticed it was on the floor. I bend over to grab it. When I got up he was already in the seat by the window. I sat next to him.
“ I’m Ethan ” he said, extending his hand towards me for a hand shake.
“ I’m Kate.” I said putting my hand in his, forcing a smile. He got that and giggle, knowing that I had just met him and was already starting to dislike him.
“ So Kate, from which class are you? ”
“I’m from 11th C. You?”
“12th B.”
He was surprised by my class because it was the same class as Ashley, and he had never seen me.
“I’m discrete ” I simply answered.
He laugh again.
“You entertain me. You’re not like everyone else.”
“Indeed. Very weird. I’m used to it.”
“No, not weird. Different. In a good way.”
The conversation continued until we got to school. That was how a friendship was born. Every morning and afternoon we would sit on the bus together.
A week later, we already knew lots of things about each other. His favourite colour was blue and grey. He doesn’t have a favourite food. He says he likes what he gets.
I liked spending time with him. He wasn’t like everyone. I mean, when I look at a jock guy, I immediately think he’s an asshole that doesn’t care about anyone else and makes fun of someone that’s smarter than him, just because he doesn’t has arguments. We had numerous conversations about numerous themes. From the time at the bus to exchanging sms’s all the time, except when we would go out with his friends or Ashley.
We both new the way to the Hyde park II, oldest and biggest tree.
Hyde Park II, it’s a little park, very well hidden, down my street. It has lots of bushes and trees, and the most unknown part it’s a giant old tree with some little flowers around. I am one (and apparently Ethan too) of the few people that know the way. I don’t who the rest of those people are because there’s never anyone in the park and also I don’t go there that often.
One day it was different. He unburdened himself, by talking to me and actually felt relieved after it.
“I really like you” He affirmed, very confident, to my surprise.
“I like you too. We’re good friends” My answer seemed to disappoint him. His eyes begged for more. "More what?" I asked myself the rest of the night.
As we both knew Ashley true self (she pretended to be this nice girl at school) we usually didn’t talked much at school. She would start to make pictures and make my life hell (oh, believe me she had the means).
The time passed and the first period was almost over.
I think it was three weeks to the Winter prom (we didn’t do a Christmas one because we had Jewish students). The big hit was the Winter prom. Anyway, a guy from my class, James, had invited me and I said yes, even thought I didn’t feel like going, not even a little. Every girl in school was hopping to get invited and every guy wanted a yes from the girl he liked.
Anyway, that day, something very unusual happened. Ethan broke up with Ashley (it flew across the school in about fifteen minutes, and because he made it in a public place and there was screaming).
That was the very first day I saw Ashley make a fool out of herself, begging and crying. I was there.
“ Ashley we need to talk.” he said.
“ Ok.”
He waited, expecting for her to make a move to go to some place more private. She didn’t move. He looked at her asking why she didn’t move.
“ Well, you can tell me everything in front of my girls ” she answered gesturing to her friends. Breaking up didn’t even cross her mind, not even in the most fearful dreams.
“ Ashley, I want to break up. ”
She froze, drop her cellphone (always texting messages), and scream, like someone just toke her toy away.
“ You’re kidding right? ”
As he made no reaction, she started laughing.
“ Yeah, that’s a funny one. Nice prank Ethan ” and started laughing hysterically.
“ Hey, Ashley” he grabbed her arms “ I’m not kidding. I want to brake it off”
She started screaming, placing plagues on him. Completely surprised, as I was. “Where did that came from? He never told me he was going to brake it off” I whispered. No one listen to me, too embraced on the scandal going on.
“No one, but I mean no one” she said with her blond hair flying around her and gesturing with her finger “Has ever broke up with me. You are not going to be the first.” And then ran off.
His friends where staring at him. Asking him why he did that.
“She’s the hottest girl on school” they were saying.
“Not completely true” he answered, making a reaction expected from jocks. Screams, pats and whistles.
Turning around, to walk the path to the school entrance, his gaze met mine. His eyes were full of feelings I could not detect.A sad smile appeared on his face and he continued. Sadness? Loneliness? Sorrow? No. None of these. Then I got it. Definitely love. “For whom?” I asked myself. The answer would come later. For now all I knew was that the school prince had just broke up with the school queen, and made me, the school fool, fall for him.
Last edited by *writewatiwant* on Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

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I'm back! :D
Since you said you needed help on the English, I'll help you then!

(I don't hate guys but they're extinguish my patience, with they're stupid jokes)

That was a little bit confusing, and this is how I would re-write that sentence:
(I don't hate guys, but they extinguish my patience with all their stupid jokes)

I noticed he was every morning in my bus stop, and every afternoon he would get out there, but I mean he’s the school popular guy and I’m one of the invisible.


This is how I would do it, again:
I noticed he was there every morning at my bus stop, and every afternoon he would get off there. He was the school's popular guy and I'm one of the invisibles.

Also, during the part when Ethan broke up with Ashley, you used the wrong break. You used brake, instead of break.

As I toked too long

The toked needs to be took.

I blushed, and my cheeks got so red.

That sentence was a little awkward. I say you do this:
I blushed, my cheeks turning bright red.

"I'm Ethan" he said, extending his hand towards me, for a handshake.

You need to put a comma before the end quotation mark, because of the dialogue. Also, take out the comma between me and for. You don't need it there.

During a lot through this piece, you have a lot of run-on sentences and commas that don't have to be there. Maybe you should try to seperate some of the longer sentences and watch those commas. Don't use them too much!
You can also tell that English isn't your first language. They're many grammar mistakes, but we can work on that! PM me if you need any help, for I will be glad to! :D
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i noticed alot of typos where you have put {have in the place of had} but othe than that it was a good story please keep me informed of more posts

when u get the time i would also like u to read and review some of my poems please and thank you
~OdD~OnE~




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thanks! i will read and review your poems any time soon :D
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

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That's just what translation is, I think. That's all speaking is. Listening to the other and trying to see past your own biases to glimpse what they're trying to say. Showing yourself to the world, and hoping someone else understands.
— Ramy (Babel by R. F. Kuang)