Words On the Wall - I

Stream of Conciousness Poetry that I'm trying my hand at. CL

Words On the Wall - I

cast out
cast away
like a broken children’s toy
buried inside
a hole
like a coffin
deep within
secondhand
lost and founds
put away, forgotton
like lost traditions
caged away
like a frightened animal
brainwashed
to the very bone
as if nothing
never relived again
like civilizations lost
to mankind
solitary, lonely
left for the
scavengers
on an african savannah
remembered not
like lost wings
cast out
cast away
just like a broken children’s toy

Oh yeah! I get to be the first to reply.

I especially like the repetition of the first lines as the last. That lends a nice sense of completion without exclusion of other thoughts.

Nice imagery.

My biggest complaint: to say that something is buried in a hole is either redundant or nonsensical, depending on how you look at it. Nonsensical: If the hole is filled (in order to bury the object), it is therefore not a hole (empty by definition). Less literally you have the redundancy problem: Where else would it be buried if not a hole.

Sorry. I'm very left-brained today.