My Pathetic Love Story

I don’t think anyone can quite understand the way I feel when he enters the room. I don’t think anyone knows what it feels like to be the mad for a boy. I don’t think anyone understands how my body craves for his presence while he isn’t in the room, and how my heart feels like it’s too big for my chest when he enters. I don’t think anyone knows how my soul lifts into my chest when I see his tousle of blond curls, falling into his glacier colored eyes. Like now.
I sat in my seat, and watched him enter the room. My friend threw me a suspicious glance, which I ignored. I stared, no, gawked, at his perfect face. His slightly tilted up nose. His rosy lips, and pale skin. The way the light caught his crystal eyes. The way his mouth moved, as he spoke to our teacher. I inhaled, and held the breath, as if letting it out would make this perfect moment end. He glanced in my direction, and smiled at me. I giggled to myself, and turned to my paper, trying to hide my eyes from him. The second he was turned back to the teacher, I popped my head up, and stared at him again. My prince. Who was destined for his princess. The girl sitting beside me.




That's all there is!

I don’t think anyone knows what it feels like to be the mad for a boy.

I don't think this sentence correctly or adequately describes the narrator's feelings. Maybe change it to something that implies instead of states that she's mad for the boy. Just a suggestion.

I don’t think anyone knows how my soul lifts into my chest when I see his tousle of blond curls, falling into his glacier colored eyes.

This part is good; it provides a good description of the boy, though I think you ought to look for a synonym for "tousle" in "tousle of blond hair". It didn't sound right. Also, a hyphen between glacier and colored.

I stared, no, gawked, at his perfect face.

Put tow dashes before no and after gawked. It makes it more abrupt and truthful. That sounds weird, I know, but it's true.

His rosy lips, and pale skin.

You don't need the comma, but the description is good anyway.

The girl sitting beside me.

My favorite part. It is sad and unfair, but anyone who reads this would be expecting the girl to get the guy in the end, but this is a perfect "girl next door" story. I liked it, and I think you could probably make this a longer story if you wanted to.

Okay, I don't think that this "story" should be in this forum. I think you should seperate the lines and re-post it in "Other Poetry". Other than that it was an okay writing. Sorry.