Fly like a bird

In the tales and adventures of my dreams,
I fly like a bird
With long,
white wings,
Amongst the clouds and the stars,
[This is all I have so far, Im still editing but I have writers block,
so I will come back to this piece when its gone.]

This is a very short and simple little poem (obviously *smacks head*) but even when poems are short usually the message can be very clear. I don't think you have done that yet, you need to add a little more depth, and I know that it is your poem and that it must be personal to you but some of the lines are very cliche and have been done before:

I have always wanted to fly like a bird,

The opening sentence is probably the worse for this, you want to bring in the readers attention, not give them something to read that they have already read in tons of poems already.

I hope I didn't ocme across as too harsh here, but I think if you revisit this poem and work on it you can make it great

Meevs
x

Ok, i can see that you were going for the little "ditty" effect. The problem is, is that if you're going for that, it needs to rhyme. The brevity of the piece itself worked though, flying fast, not spending much time with a long poem. However this poem needs more time. All in all, a decent composition. I would suggest putting i bit more time into it. Im not trying to rain on your parade, and with a bit of work it could be very good




____________________________
(Patience is a waste of time)

By the way, you taste funny

It seems that this idea has been used many times before, and would appear rather stale. Try spicing it up a bit with some similes and metaphors. Symbolism is often a good thing; however, your poem doesn't have to be completely enigmatic. It can still deliver the message "I have always wanted to fly like a bird" clearly without it being stated. I also agree with lukas8u and would suggest that if you want to keep this short and sweet, that you make it rhyme or at least flow a little better.
That was just my initial reaction when I read this. I think if you were to lengthen this a bit and smooth the rhythm, it could be really good.


*anti-pop