Rain and Pain

Thinking of you makes no sense,
It's like waiting for rain in a drought,
I can feel you coming closer,
But then pass by so quickly.

I can't end something,
That hasn't even begun,
It's like a bubble,
It fills up and then pops.

My heart can feel you,
But you haven't reached me yet,
I can see you coming,
But your nowhere near.

Your can be harmful,
But you don't mean damage,
You can be light to me,
Or sometimes way to hard.

Though never give up,
You can make it through,
Wheter you hurt me or not,
I will always enjoy your being.

Then it hits,
Way to hard,
Causes lots of problems,
You go away,
Then crawl back to make up.

Your always here, I know,
You will never disappear,
Until the end of time,
You are my escape.

----------
<3 Kaitlyn
P.S Sorry if this hurts anyone, I just needed to post this.

Hey. First of all, this is at least ten times better than Reality Check, your last poem. I'm going to criticize it, but keep in mind, that I consider it an improvement. If you don't want to read my criticism, then stop reading now. Corrections are in bold.

Thinking of you makes no sense,
It's like waiting for rain in a drought,
I can feel you coming closer,
But then pass by so quickly.

Thinking of you makes no sense; (that is uneccesary, I just think it flows better)
It's like waiting for rain in a drought.
I can feel you coming closer,
And then passing by so quickly.

I can't end something,
That hasn't even begun,
It's like a bubble,
It fills up and then pops.

I can't end something,
That hasn't even begun.
It's like a bubble,
Filling up and then popping.

My heart can feel you,
But you haven't reached me yet,
I can see you coming,
But your nowhere near.

My heart can feel you,
But you haven't reached me yet.
I can see you coming,
Yet you are not anywhere near me.

Your can be harmful,
But you don't mean damage,
You can be light to me,
Or sometimes way to hard.

You [not your, you] can be harmful,
But you don't to.
You can be light to me,
Or sometimes way to hard. [dont really understand the last two lines. I don't think they flow, but seeing how I don't know what you want to say, I can't correct you there.]

Though you never give up,
You can always make it through.
Whether you hurt me or not,
I will always enjoy being with you.

Then it hits,
Way to hard,
Causes lots of problems,
You go away,
Then crawl back to make up.

Then it hits way too hard, [Keep your four sentence per satnza format in this poem]
Causing lots of problems.
You go away,
But always crawl back to make up.

Your always here, I know,
You will never disappear,
Until the end of time,
You are my escape.

I know you're always here,
And that you will never disappear,
Until the end of time.
You are my escape.


Okay. That was just gramatical errors. You jumped around a lot, making it more than slightly confusing. I didn't get any emotion from it, really. The topic isn't very original, so if you want to write a poem on it, you need to make it spectacular. Anyway, I didn't really like it, but that's just me. Make the grammar changes and work on making it flow a bit better. Maybe change some stanzas around. I'll read it again if you edit it. Good luck[/b]

.... I can swear she took everything I was saying.... Of course, she is a better poet than I am... yeah, bit this was seriously confusing. What and who were you talking about... what was like happening? I mean, it wasn't bad... just confusing beyond belief.... SHCO

Sorry I sneezed there... but yeah. You need to stop hopping around like a bunny, and stay put like a good turtle:P.

lol, thats funny what the black rose said about bunnys and turtles. actually i didnt really notice that it jumped around, but hey what do i know. it was good, but ya pretty confusing. i really like the simile about how its like a bubble, whatever "it" is. you know, jumping around isnt neccesarily a bad thing, i think it makes the poem more interesting. i dont know about the title, "rain and pain;" it rhymes and its sort of sing song, i think it kind of conflicts with the mood of the poem.

but all in all, this is a good poem. no offense, but i agree with nickle pickle that its quite a bit better than reality check. good job though, keep writing!!