Nature

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I was having a writer's block on a story I was currently writing so I started doodling this piece of pathetic poetry on my notepad. Comments much appreciated.

Carrying the burdens of numerous life,
Nurturing trees to lush greens,
Separated between soil and sky,
That is Nature.

The Sun in radiance glory,
Earth illuminated by its light,
Helped by the moon at night,
That is Nature.

The brightness of the day,
The darkness of the night,
Each balancing the other,
That is Nature.

Be gentle to Mother Nature,
For she has given much,
Nothing requested in return,
Except to admire and conserve.
I'm guilty of being a lazy bum.




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I normally do not like repetition in a poem, although here I don't mind. The repetition of "That is Nature"is like a refrain. That works alright. Some suggestions. For clarification, Nature is carrying the burden. Nature is nurturing trees. Is Nature separated between soil and sky? Second stanza, "radiance" is a noun. You are using it as an adjective. This is also the only stanza that has any rhyme. I like the environmentalist message of the last stanza.
I reject your reality and substitute my own




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
Ah, thanks that helped. I'm no expect at rhyming words so forgive me. Hmm well, the separated between soil and sky part made sense the first time I wrote it but I guess your right. I'll try a new line over there. (If I'll get around to re-making it that is. Which probably will be never but we'll see)
radiance in the second stanza...I didn't realize it was an adjective. I don't even know what that is. (I apologize, I never pay much attention when being taught grammar)
Thanks again for the comments. ^^
I'm guilty of being a lazy bum.



I am and always will be optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes, the dreamer of improbable dreams.
— 11th Doctor