adrift

I'm slowly falling adrift

Pacing myself as I thrift

through the dark errie night in which I encumber

my deepest of sorrowful regrets.

I'm slowly falling adrift

To what I once had; -I thought, a gift

In the night, cryptic are the feeling

that endulge in my heart

Piercing my soul of its purpose

Weaking the Holy Spirit within one

and I'm slowly falling adrift

Conscious of what is going on

Unaware of the danger

How have I become to myself - A stranger ?

I liked this, it was dark and melancholy (I hope this is what you intended).

I'm a bit confused by the "-ift" rhyming structure. The first two "I'm slowly falling adrift" lines were were followed by another line which ended with "-ift", but the third one doesn't. Not necessarily a problem, I suppose, it just isn't clear whether or not that was a mistake.

Also, I think you misspelt "eerie" as "errie", unless errie is a word I don't know the meaning of.

Can't think of anything else to criticise, it's generally pretty good.

Ok, I'll go through this line by line

"I'm slowly falling adrift"
Falling and adrift kind of contradict themselves, is that intentional? I also don't think you need slowly plus both of those, try an adjective that will give nuance rather than overdosed wording about the same thing.

"Pacing myself as I thrift"
You're more worried about making the meter work that what your poem actually means, don't let the meter constrain you. What do you mean by pacing myself? Or thrift? Thrift is a noun, and it comes from middle english, it means using your money in a mean way, it's complementary to verb to thrive.

"through the dark errie night in which I encumber"
Again, encumber? DO you know what any of these words mean? Encumber is a transitive verb (it has to be followed by sth): you encumber someone, or are encumbered by something, it means to burden with, get in the way of, it's also not a terribly pretty word in my opinion, but that's just me.

"my deepest of sorrowful regrets."
Again, too heavy, too many words about the same thing, just imagery is always much more subtle. You undervalue the meaning of each word by doing this, don't you think the word sorrow is deep and regretful enough, just as the word regret has that sorrowfulness to it just by pronouncing it?

"I'm slowly falling adrift"
Again, but like the repetition, Maybe you'd like sth like "I slowly fall, I drift" which is more lingering and has two ideas rather than one indistinct one.

"To what I once had; -I thought, a gift "
This is awkward, I'm not sure why, which technically makes it an arrogant claim.

"In the night, cryptic are the feeling"
That's fine other than the grammar, surely = feelingS plural.

"that endulge in my heart"
Liking the enjambement here, it's spelt INdulge though.

"Piercing my soul of its purpose"
You soul has a purpose? A purpose is pierciable? I know poetry doesn't need to make sense, but it does need to mean something that the reader will understand.

"Weaking the Holy Spirit within one
What's Weaking?!

"and I'm slowly falling adrift "
...

"Conscious of what is going on"
"Unaware of the danger "
This bit's fine, although having conscious and unaware so close is missing out on a would be great anaphora : conscious... unconscious...

"How have I become to myself - A stranger ?"
Gratuitous rhyme? You need to end it better than that

Overall,
It's good, but needs more polish, you need to think more about the meaning of words.
Be very welcome to ignore my comments, or discuss the details with me, as always,
Yours,
Velvet

i like this poem its effective and meaning full. great job

This...has been very well covered by that wonderful writer Velvet up above. I will mention, as she did, I don't think you really get what some of these words mean. And, you spelled erie wrong. You said 'errie', while it's erie. So. Spelling, my friend.
I didn't like the ending either. It was all about rhyming for you in this poem, which annoyed me completely because I don't think you really understood all of your rhymes and you just threw them in there to get it done. Not cool, my friend.
Well. That's all, but seriously--read what Velv said. It's all true.
Tata.
-Miss Mizz

You're feelings were expressed well in this.

Besides some errors I noticed and awkwardness of your format I'd say that it was a pretty good poem. I can see more potential if you spent more time on it. In situations like that, put the poem aside and come back to it later with a fresh approach.

Wow, that speaks very deep. It is very good yet emotional. I don't know...but it kind of creeps me out, but not in a bad way. The lines were very suspenseful. You write very great lyric poetry. Ha, hey you know what? I bet if you showed a publisher your poem they would put it in their latest book 'cause it's just that awesome. I think you're in for it.
I'm sorry that I can't critique anything :p...Keep writing!
~Skyy.