All my love

I think it was

around this time

years ago

or so it seems

late September

early November

no we met

upon a bitter

sweet November

how I remember

seems like

one of those yesterdays

the kind that never

really wear away

deep inside it resides

knows no bounds of time

as days go by

I find it hard to belive

that luck smiled on me

what would I do

without you

and lately it seems

the more things change

they remain the same

Im caught in between

two parallel realities

Scream and scream

Nobody hears my pleas

At times its as if

your the air

I breath

your the sun

that shines down on me

everything is what you are

today more than any other day

I want to thank God

for putting you in my way

Happy Birthday...

Well done.
This poem was pretty well executed. All I would say didn't work was the formatting. It was far too blockey... This made for a very stilted read; somewhat like riding a bike down a cobbled road - a little uncomfortable.

However, everything else was fine. Your thoughts were defined and your imagery was very emotive without straying into the depths of purple prose ( A trend that seems to be becoming more and more common).

Kudos.

Love
Kris
x

Right sorry about that lol will take your advice in consideration ahhh just copied it of my notes lol to lazy to edit the spaces lol thanks for the review.

Lol! Don't be sorry, it really isn't important what I or anyone else on this site (for that matter) thinks about your poetry. You are the only one who can really judge your work properly.
All I am here for is to help you notice things that you might not.

I did enjoy it very much though.

Love
Kris
x

Right I will bear that in mind hahah I remember this one time I changed my whole poem because my friend wanted me to I ended up almost killing her for making me kill my poem lol I get what youre saying though to each his own
Thanks

I quite like this. Very nice.

However; the lack of punctuation and excessive spacing, in my opinion, made it quite hard to read. I tried to put the correct punctuation in but I don't know how you talk so I couldn't get it right. I think what you need to do is either make the lines longer and break them in more logical places OR keep the line breaks (which, although unusual, I actually quite like) and put the correct punctuation, or at least some of it.

Just a couple of little things also

I breathe
you're the sun

and also,

the more things change
they remain the same

Imho, the rule with cliches (and there is nothing wrong with using them sparingly) is that you use it right, or not at all. I believe the phrase you were looking for is "The more things change, the more they remain/stay the same". the phrase that you have used doesn't really make sense...

Great work, I look forward to more of your pieces.


-dreamintechnicolour
<3

You know what? I have decided that when I do get around to publishing I will pay someone to do it for me lol thanks for the advice I appreciate it

I really liked this. I'm not an overly big fan of poetry, but I really liked this one. There was just something about it that I can't quite put my finger on. Keep up the good work! I can't wait for more of your poems! :D