(warning: may contain themes not suitable for younger audiences.)
Forbidden
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
Prologue
“Alexander James Michaels.” Her stern voice make the six year old look up at his mother, his blue eyes sparkling in such a way that it made Lisa biter her tongue and want to cuddle him instead of scolding him. She shook her head; a six year old ought not to have such an affect on her. It almost made her feel like she was being manipulated. Lisa threw that thought out of her head as well. “Give your sister her doll back.”
Alex refused to do such a thing and continued on running the knife through Barbie’s hair. He liked running his hand over the silk-like blond hair just like his younger sister. However, he enjoyed cutting it and seeing the tears on his sister more. His mother didn’t know what to do with him. She thought of spanking him for a second, but such an idea seemed ridiculous. It was the twentieth century, after all. But then again, there was nothing that she could do, being as an inexperienced mother as herself.
With a satisfied cheeky grin, he handed Belinda her doll back.
Lisa could do nothing as she slouched back and watched in amazement.
His sister was almost choking from silent tears and internal struggling. Her own blue eyes were more than damp with tears. She took “Jamie” back with trembling hands. She got up with difficulty as she ran away with her chubby legs, her sobs ringing through the house--so silent and heartbreaking.
Alex continued playing with his trucks and miniature soldiers.
Lisa got up, still dazed at her son’s attitude and actions, and went to make s couple of grilled cheese sandwiches.
Belinda peeked at her brother from behind, watching him.
PART I
Alex was, as per usual, getting caught doing something. Blue watched him with a sneer on her face as the handcuffs locked. She would love telling their mother her side of the story in this matter. Because she was sure that Alex had another side to the truth; he always did. This time Alex was caught by a dog. She wanted to laugh at that. Usually, humans were catching him in action, but his stupidity had increased so much that dogs were catching him now.
Of course, having drugs in the middle of your science book was just brilliant.
But the brilliance lied in the dog of course. God, Blue wanted to take that dog home and worship it forever.
“I cannot believe that Alex got caught,” Jane sighed. She stared at him admiringly get his head in the police car. “A guy that hot should not be in prison. Although, he would rock that orange suit they have down there.” She bit her lip at the thought. Blue wanted to spare her head, but she thought better of it. The school did not need two psycho Michaels’.
Not that they knew they had blood relations, God forbid.
“That’s sick.” She wrinkled her nose at the thought. “That Alex dude is just…freaky.” Hell, the word didn’t do him justice. “I heard he killed someone.” Okay, that was a bit stressed, but the topic between her and her friends seriously needed to move far away from her brother. Far, far away. She got enough of him at home; she didn’t need this in school, too.
School was her chance to shine. At school she was at the top of her pyramid and no one ever dared knock her from it. One would picture a preppy girl when someone at the top of the social pyramid is thought, but that was far from it. Blue was somewhere in the middle of preppy and normal; leaning a bit more on normal. She enjoyed a good sale at the mall and a nice tan, but sports and goofing around were her specialty. She liked waking up at five in the morning to do her makeup, but her makeup was of no importance when she got on that hockey rink.
“Do you know where he lives?” Jane continued dreamily.
Did she ever.
“Nope. No idea,” she lied. “Yo, let’s go inside. This isn’t worth our lunch time.”
“Not worth it?” her best friend, Massey commented. She was taking millions of pictures per second. “You wanna bet that this’ll get me at least five hundred comments on my blog by tomorrow night?” She stopped filming Alex for a while to wink at her. Blue rolled her eyes. Good lord. Massey had attractive journalistic qualities which gave her an undeniable future in writing, but sometimes she was just so prone to everything else but that.
“Massey, can I be in your blog? Maybe I’ll get like a boyfriend for the prom or something,” Jane said hopefully.
“Um, no,” Massey replied curtly and continued taking pictures of Blue’s brother.
“Blue…” she whined for help.
“It’s not my precious blog,” she returned, throwing a pointed look at the observed Massey.
“You sound like you’re making fun of it.”
“I’d never do such a thing!” Blue said sarcastically.
Her eyes narrowed. “Shut up, you loser.”
Blue just flipped her off and went back in the cafeteria, her two friends following her unwillingly, their stares trailing behind them at Alex as the police car took him away.
Don’t let it spill, she reminded herself.
She’d done such a good job hiding it for the past 11 and a half years, she couldn’t spill now.
----------------
“Hey, Lisa,” he greeted casually, throwing his jacket on the couch where Blue was sitting. Or more specifically, on her head.
“It’s mom to you, young man,” she said briskly. “And where have you been?”
“That sounded like a rhetorical question, mom. I guess I don’t have to answer.” With that, he went into the next room. His mother followed him, furious.
“Do you know who called me for the second time this month?”
“Santa?” he asked, with a fake, hopeful childish gleam in his eyes.
“No,” she screamed. “The police station, Alex. The police station!” She crumpled her dishtowel and threw it to the floor as hard as she could. Alex raised an eyebrow, then turned his stare to look down at his mother. “God,” she fumed, frustrated and tired by her nineteen year old son. “I don’t know what to do with you anymore. You’re so… Oh. You’re so…frustrating. Why can’t you be more like your sister? Why can’t you just be normal?”
His stare bore on her for a couple of seconds longer. He slipped off his shirt casually and moved past her.
“I’m gonna go take a shower.”
----------------
“Hey, d’your bro get in trouble?” Massey asked on the phone, the sound of furious typing audible. Massey was the only one that knew Alex was Blue’s brother. Massey was the only person that knew her little “secret”.
“Is it necessary to ask anymore?”
She laughed half-heartedly. “He’s so lovable, though,” she joked. “All those piercing and tattoos just make you want to cuddle and rub his head.”
“Um. Yeah. Sure,” Blue agreed sarcastically.
Massey laughed again. “Why hasn’t he moved out yet? He’s nineteen, right? Wouldn’t he like jump at the chance to move out?”
“I ask him that every time I see him.”
“What does he say?”
“He just looks at me. His eyes are like fucking dead and void.” She heard Massey “mhm” her approval. “And then he walks away and goes to his room where he does God knows what.”
“Maybe he has a meth lab or something.”
Blue rolled her eyes. “Well… No, actually I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Neither of them said anything. Massey was probably absorbed in her blog thing and Blue just wanted to listen to some good music. However, she had no idea where her computer was. She searched her room from top to bottom, eventually hanging up on her friend, but she couldn’t find it anywhere. She was soon searching her room for her Mac, but nowhere. It finally occurred to her. The loud death metal music was audible from none other’s than Alex’s. Son of a *%^##. He didn’t have his own computer and her mother had an old laptop with broken speakers; he had her computer.
She knocked on his door, furious. Everyone was always furious at Alex. It was natural. Like…it was part of nature for people to be angry at him.
He didn’t open his door. She turned the knob and it opened--but just a crack.
He had a fucking chain on his door.
“Alex!” she screamed through the crack.
She was perfectly visible to him and she knew that he’d heard her, but he made no motion of having done so.
At that point, Blue was so pissed off that she took a couple of steps back and slammed herself against his wooden door. Thanks to her hockey skills, the chain flew right off. “Alex, give me my motherfucking computer,” she said through gritted teeth.
“Wow. Look who just cursed,” he said in that dark tone of voice at his, his eyes turning back to my iTunes library. I waited. “Though, you do seem to have a good taste in music, I’ll give you that.”
“I don’t want you to give me anything, but my computer! That crap cost me a lot of money, Alex, and I worked hard for it. Of course, you wouldn’t know what that’s like. So I’d like it very much if you gave it back to me.”
“Not until you tell me what you think of me.”
He was playing mind games with her. She hated it when he played mind games with her.
But this was her limit. “I think you’re a good for nothing a--h---- that wants everything shoved in your face ‘cause you can’t make your own fucking way! You want everything handed to you. You mess with people’s heads, thinking you’re better than them. You’re a fucking a--h---- that keeps hurting everyone around him. And you know what else, Alex? I think you’re too fucking scared to do anything with your life.”
He stared at her in that patronizing way of his, his hands gripping her computer tightly.
Blue had to swallow hard. It wasn’t something that she would ever admit, but there was a part of her that was deathly afraid of him.
She took her laptop and left his room, shivering.
----------
Blue wanted to scream to release all that anger that was bottled up inside of her. She could not believe that he'd had her computer. She believed it, alright, but she didn't want to. If there was something she was good at, it was ignoring Alex. They'd lived in the same house ever since they were born, but she had made it her job not to speak to him. It wasn't much of a challenge since he pretty much returned the favor. But at the times where he did speak to her, he left her shaken. Even though he hadn't said much to her, she was still pretty taken aback.
She hated the fact that he could scare her like that. As much as she tried to keep him away and be indifferent toward him, it never worked.
Blue disallowed further thoughts into her head and walked to the kitchen. Her mind in a somewhat of a blurry phase, she opened the cabinet and took out a jar of Nutella and some bananas from the fridge. She set them on the counter. At the realization of the presence of her brother, she jumped back, the glass jar hitting the floor. “Jesus, Alex! Do you move like a ghost or what?” she demanded, her heart racing. She would never figure out how he moved that way.
She bent down to pick up the big pieces, planning on picking up all the chocolate and small glass pieces later with a mop. She wanted to make Alex pick them all up by himself since it was somewhat his doing, but she didn’t have the guts for it. It made her hate him and herself both because of this.
“I was here before you came,” he stated simply in that lazy way of his, watching her on her knees as she sucked on her thumb over a small cut. He felt a bit guilty, but nowhere near as guilty as to pick up that mess. He was, however, amused. The effect he had on his younger sister was satisfactory. He’d seen the work he had done on her over the years in his room earlier. Alex could see that she was scared of him to no end. He didn’t know how to feel about that, but feel good about it.
“Shut up, you a--h----,” she seethed, yet her voice wavering. “I left you in your room with your door closed five minutes ago.”
“No, I left you hyperventilating in fear outside my door.” She stared up at him in shock. How had she managed to miss that?
-------------
the um, "curse" words are like blocked out because I originally posted it on another site. but from now on, no more. (:
tell me what you think, please.
i'd love some feedback. i'm working really hard on the third version of this and it would mean a lot to me.
also, this is written in three parts. three LONG parts. lol. there are no chapters, basically. it's just continuous.
