It Brings me to Tears

It Brings me to Tears,

It's building up inside me,

I cant hold it back.

How can I stop these tears,

That you brought to me?

I lay before your grave,

Silent and in awe.

I got to see the pretty picture,

Above your final place.

I come here, I leave here,

I miss you so much.

I never got to tell you,

But now I have to go…

I would hate to have to leave,

In this time everyone misses you.

But I know your time went,

yet mine is still going.

I have dreams I can fulfill,

Even things you wanted too.

But for now I bid you farewell,

I know you wish you had more time.

But just look around,

So does everyone else.


--HTML_d00d

This was an amazing poem! I loved it. It was short, but it had a lot of emotions.
No concerne on my part for it! You do a really good job on writing it out as well!

Keep it up :)

Yet another great poem.

Its building up inside me,

Its should be it's.

I got to see the pretty little picture,

Above your final place.

This was my favorite part.

Overall, there were some excellent emotions in here. But, maybe you could vividly describe these emotions a bit more. Other than that, good job *gold star*

nariel

Wow, I almost cried. But that's a secret. Don't spread it through school. Please.

that better nariel? i added the apostrophe TY for helping and ty for reviews everyone

Ha ha. Yes that is much better. Sorry if I seemed too picky. It really is a great poem.

np and ty again

it was really great, i almost cried *sniffles

=D good job, keep on writing

Loved it! Like Kelsi222 said it's short, but size doesn't make quality. tears almost filled my eyes as i saw the emotion on your words. keep up with the good work!

Amazing poem
great job

Good poem. Unlike many others, I didn't feel the emotion. But maybe I have too high standards.That part might just be me.

Alright, no one else has given you a full body crit, so here goes...



It Brings me to Tears.--This is a little bit of an abrupt start. You can mellow it down a little, or keep it the same. It doesn't NEED to be changed. Just a little abrupt. Maybe if you had a comma?



It's building up inside me,



I cant hold it back.



How can I stop these tears,



That you brought to me?--Good imagery. =)



I lay before your grave,



Silent and in awe.--again, great imagery!



I got to see the pretty little picture,--Too many syllables here, throws the reader off balance.



Above your final place.



I come here, I leave here,



I miss you so.



I never got to tell you,



But now I have to go…--All of the underlined above is very different from how you have been writing the rest of the poem. It's like a little nursery rhyme sounding thing, out of the middle of nowhere. It gives a feel of innocence, but I don't think it fits in this poem. Try just saying in the 2nd line, "I miss you so much." Then it wont be so cliche with the rhyming, but it will keep the picture you have created.



I would hate to have to leave you,



In this time everyone misses you.--You is used too repetitively. Try cutting out the first one.



But I know your time went,



But mine is still going.--Again, too repetitive. Yet instead of but?



I have dreams I can fulfill,



Even things you wanted too.--a comma after wanted might help define your meaning in this sentence a little more.



But for now I bid you farewell,



I know you wish you had more time.



But just look around,



So does everyone else.--Great ending, strong and abrupt. THIS is where the abruptness fits.



So all in all, it was decently written. You had a lot of strong points, and some not so strong points. Keep at it, you've got talent.

I love it!

That was a really good poem, I could feel the emotions that you put into it. I can tell you put a lot into it. With everything in there you can really tell what you might have been thinking at the time of writing. It is a really good piece like I said before. Keep on writing because you are really good. and you can put some good works out there.

Wow, a very amazing and interesting piece. It was written so well and had no errors that I could see. I felt your passion, I felt what you were going through, I heard your cry, and I can visualize the tears. Poetry is about expression. Poetry is about taking something so painful and traumatic and rewriting it into something so beautiful. The pain that we all experience in our personal lives can be the life changing moment for someone else through our words. We as writers, speak what we feel, write what we see, and listen to the small voice that leads the stroke of the pen. We are all the beginning of something amazing. We are the passion and the forgotten voices of the past. Our ambitions and our dreams will one day be felt and seen by the entire world. You captivated me with the essence of your poetry and you lead me to believe that even though there is death all around us; a beginning to our own lives continue. I loved your poem and hope to take a look at more of your work. Good Job!