Him :)

I need you close to my skin everyday
i need to feel like your part of me
whenever i see you looking at me
whenever i see you watching my movements
forever i will love you forever i will try
needing you so near me will drive you away
i tried to make you see that i like the drama
i made you feel my thoughts through action
i drowned you with my tears so many times
i cried forever as though i knew nothing more
i made you see how every moment was unique
i'm not like them other girl's i have more than breath
i have a story nobody else can compare to
some secret life that not anyone could dream of
not a person alive could measure to what i've done
wanting to kill everything which makes me smile
sometimes i just don't want to have to laugh
when i do everything is fake nothing is real
nothing will change as these words are spoken
nobody can talk as though life is precious
life isan't precious life is cruel and we live it
everyday wishing it was easier praying for answers
wanting more from everything we have
needing to know things we never will be told
wishing some days we were never alive[b]

This was a good poem. But I have a couple things I'd like to point out:

1) This is a big pet peeve of mine, people not capitalizing their "I". It just makes the work seem childish, when the content isn't. So just fix that up.

2) Second, you need some punctuation!! It was tough to find out if the sentence was over or not, or if there was excitement etc. it was just one big run on sentence. There wasen't even a period or an other type of punctuation at the end. And if every line is a new sentence, then make sure you capatlize the first letter.

Fix these two things up and I think everything will be fine!

I loved your poems content!

Keep it up :)

What is this? I'm sorry, but I refuse to critique this in a more in-depth analysis because at first glance, it is full of cliches, bland language, metaphor-dry lines, poor word choice, and generally content that you would expect from someone in Junior High. The plot itself is so vapid that I could barely finish the piece; basically, you love a guy and you want him to love you back but he doesn't even notice you and that's why you want to "drown him with tears" and recognition. How terribly, terribly trite.

Here's my suggestion: This belongs in a place like Myspace, please delete this poem completely and get it out of your mind and system. Read poems by masters like Robert Frost, Edgar Allen Poe, and William Butler Yeats - poets who write about love and passion and are masters of their craft. Then come back and post something that the audience is able to relate to.