The Fantasy Writer: Chapter One

Griffinkeeper · 2005-07-15T07:01:19Z

Chapter One I once thought I knew fantasy. I knew what a necromancer was, I could say all the Harry Potter spells backwards and forwards. I understood the effects of energy magic and spell magic. C.S. Lewis, J.R.R Tolkien, and Mercedes Lackey; I just ate their novels up. So I did the natural thing and tried to imitate them. Easy right? Wrong. It turned out that there was no way I could adapt their styles. It wasn't like I didn't try either. I read their books, I used their fonts, I even went out of my way to find out what toliet paper they used. Please don't ask, it is a really embarressing story. Before I continue I suppose I'd better introduce myself. The name is Dixon, Mandrake Dixon, license to kill, etc. All right, so maybe that wasn't funny, but that is my name. Anyways, I was up at ten trying to finish my story. It was going slowly as usual. You know how sometimes you're writing and then you come across something where you don't know how your character would react? That happened to me last night. When that happened, I went to the one person who actually could help me: my sister. Don't laugh, she is really great for this stuff. I told her my problem. I probably should have waited until the morning but being the idiot I was, I wanted help now . She quickly dismissed me with the vague statement, "Just think of what your character would do." At least, that is the general gist of her statement, it was a little more colorful than that, but I digress. I tried to imagine what my character would do but eventually I grew frustrated. I decided to sleep on it and try again in the morning. It was summer and I didn't do anything most of the day anyway. Since it was nice and cool, I kept the window open during the nights. I had gotten in bed and closed my eyes when... THUMP! The entire house shuddered as a scream rang out. A dull thud down in the backyard ended that scream abruptly. I was almost surprised that my family hadn't heard it, but we Dixons are known for being heavy sleepers. It is a rumor that my Uncle Harvy died because he didn't hear the smoke detector. At any rate, I wasn't particularly surprised that no one else woke up. What I saw when I went to the window was surprising, to say the least. What I saw was two people on the ground, next to a Raptora Panthera or a gryphon for those that aren't so fantasy-oriented as I am. The two people were having a most peculiar argument. Thankfully, I missed most of it because I was busy staring down at the big dent that the gryphon must have made in our house. I don't know why, but I felt myself drawn towards them. So I did the stupidest thing I could have ever done; I climbed out the second story window and climbed down. They were still arguing as I landed. "I told you not to fly so low," the woman said. "No you didn't," the man said. "You screamed, 'Look out!" and then covered my eyes!" They continued to argue. My attention was fixed on the gryphon. It didn't look seriously injured, just dazed. It was the very thing you'd expect from a bird except instead of hitting a glass window, it had hit the side of my house. At that point, I decided that I wasn't satisfied with just doing one dumb thing that evening. I decided that the gryphon was just like those wrestling referees on TV; all they needed was water splashed on them. The couple was still arguing as I went to get the garden hose. I turned on the water and sprayed the gryphon with water. It revived quickly so I turned off the water. At that moment it turned and looked at me. No, looked isn't the word, stared is more appropriate. Everything was suddenly quiet, even the crickets had stopped chirping. The couple had stopped arguing. It took me a second to realize they were all staring at me. "Who are you?" it asked me. It was at this point where the mess really began.

I think Snoink was a little harsh but suppose harshness is needed to be a good critic! I think your narration was good apart from a few mistakes that i won't go into.You need a lot more description though! For example you said there was two people, a man and a woman but you didn't describe them at all.

You claim to know everything about Gryphons, no? When you are writing assume that the person who will be reading your story knows absolutely nothing about Gryphons and describe the Gryphon in your story!

Your idea is great as is your narration. I sincerely hope that you continue this story(if you already haven't!) but like i have already mentioned, you need to work on your description and perhaps your grammar.

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