Jealousy

This poem i have written (along with a few others) for my poetry assignment. I have not written any kind of poetry before so I dont expect it to be very good! Just looking at some tips for improvement. Thanks!


Jealousy-

It starts,
With an ache,
With time,
It grows.
It is blinding,
And destructive,
Decaying friendship,
Restricting love.
An illness of the soul,
That gradually drives you insane.
And yet it can be cured,
When we find,
It is all in the mind

Hi Claire! First off, welcome to YWS! Just so you know, we ask that every member give at least two reviews before posting a piece. This keeps the forums from getting overloaded with uncritiqued work.

Okay, now on to the poem.

It wasn't bad. But it wasn't terribly interesting either. It makes me think "Okay, a poem about jealousy. Whatever." The underlying idea is interesting, but you can bring it out more by showing us the ache, the growing, the destruction, and finally the realization that it's all in the mind. Maybe you could show us how jealousy ruins a friendship or destroys love. Simply saying it isn't effective. Making us feel it is.

Overall, it's an okay shell, but there's so many different directions you could take this in. Play with this, make it more interesting. And keep writing!

wow, that was very good.i have no need to critiqoe this for except NOTHING!!!!!!lol good job anyways!:)



-midnightsun10135

Good description, good word choice and generally good. I can't say I enjoyed reading it though.

Hope I haven't hurt your feelings or anything.

Hi, it's a good piece, simple.
I agree with vixeyt, a good choice of words indeed.
It brings out the word Jealousy pretty well.
I enjoyed the ending line, "it's all in the mind" though. (:

Congratulations on writing your first poem!

*balloons and streamers*

I like the fluidity of this piece. It's very fresh and precise.

The short lines just add to the edginess of the poem, after all jealousy is a very sharp-edged feeling, right?

Restricting love.

Hmm...maybe you could put something about the feelings of a jealous lover?

Also, try putting in the reasons why people are jealous to make it a complete poem.

But for a first attempt, it's very, very good.

And yes, do read and review other members' poem.

wow.
ive tryed writing this topic many times.
its kind of hard because jealousy can be in any relationship
no matter what it is,
my favrite part was..

Decaying friendship,
Restricting love.
An illness of the soul,

it so true and honset,.
while reading it was like
THAT IS JEALOUSY!
hahaha
great job.!
love to see more from you.