Poem about splitting up

Was it supposed to be this way
All those years thrown away
Me, begging you to stay
No contact from day to day

Was I supposed to feel this bad
Mourning all those times we had
Spending my days feeling sad
Feeling like I was going mad

Was it supposed to take this long
My eyes filling up when I hear 'our song'
Feeling like my world had gone
Out of place, just feeling 'wrong'

Was I supposed to feel this hate
When you fail, should it make me feel great
When I see you, should I feel irate
Memorise our breaking up date

Am I supposed to just not care
Walk by, pretend you're not there
Not tell you I'm consumed by despair
Look right through you, into thin air

Am I supposed to want you to break
Shouldn't I think it was all a mistake
Should I resent you the moment I wake
How much sweet revenge should I take

Am I supposed to meet someone new
Live my life, forget about you
Say I hate you, but know it's not true
Is that something I should be able to do

Am I supposed to let down my defence
Let someone new in, not feel tense
Keep myself in this suspense
My feelings for you, still so dense

Is this all there is to be seen
A few simple words on a computer screen
They don't talk of our pain or distress
Is this all we have?
Please don't say yes........

I liked the last stanza. I think you could branch off that and make a whole new poem about breaking up via computer. That could be interesting...

However, the rest of this doesn't do much for me. I feel like I've read it a million times before, even though this is the first time I'm reading it. It's got breakup cliches, a rhyme scheme that just sounds silly, and rhetorical questions (without question marks) that don't interest the reader at all.

If this was just written to help you get over a breakup, fine. But if you want to make this more interesting to an audience, I'd start over. Like I said, the last stanza was pretty cool. If you spun off of that, this could be something unique and interesting. Keep writing!

thanks

I liked how the poem was organized, my only criticism would be that at points I felt you were trying to write in the direction of the rhyme, instead of following the feeling. I think it could work with some line eliminated. I enjoyed the read though.

Hiya,
I’m Sam, I’ll try to help you out as much as I can alright? I hope I don’t come off too harsh!

Was it supposed to be this way(?)

All those years thrown away(,)

Me, begging you to stay(,)

No contact from day to day(?)

(First of all, please don’t think that a poem has to rhyme to be good. I think there’s a lot of them forced here, and personally I think if you want to use them you should be more creative with them.)

Was I supposed to feel this bad (?)

Mourning all those times we had (,)

Spending my days feeling sad(,)

Feeling like I was going mad (?)

Was it supposed to take this long (?)

My eyes filling up when I hear 'our song'(,)

Feeling like my world had gone

(Okay this is getting old, you get it right?)

Out of place, just feeling 'wrong'

(I’m not sure is this a question or a statement? It’s not really all that clear.)

Was I supposed to feel this hate (?)

When you fail, should it make me feel great (,)

When I see you, should I feel irate (?)

Memorise our breaking up date

(Memorise should memorize)

Am I supposed to just not care (?)

Walk by, pretend you're not there (,)

Not tell you I'm consumed by despair (,)

Look right through you, into thin air

(Again confusion, is it a question or a statement?)

Am I supposed to want you to break (?)

Shouldn't I think it was all a mistake (?)

Should I resent you the moment I wake(?)

How much sweet revenge should I take (?)

Am I supposed to meet someone new (?)

Live my life, forget about you (,)

Say I hate you, but know it's not true (?)

Is that something I should be able to do(?)

Am I supposed to let down my defence (?)

(defence should be defense)

Let someone new in, not feel tense (,)

Keep myself in this suspense(?)

My feelings for you, still so dense (,)

Is this all there is to be seen (?)

A few simple words on a computer screen(?)

They don't talk of our pain or distress (,)

Is this all we have?

(FINALLY! You added your own question mark)

Please don't say yes........

(Okay that’s a lot of dots. Proper grammar says there should be only three okay?)

Overall it wasn’t a bad poem but it felt very predictable and a little confusing since you didn’t really use proper grammar. Always double check your work and don’t be afraid to jump out of poetic patterns. (They really do get boring.)
Keep trying, it’s only natural to improve with practice. ^^

bravo!!great!!!nice... awesome..A+

i like your POEM ..no,,,, i love it..

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

can i ask some tips from

you on how to write a poem like that?

i love writing poems too

but poems were all trash i write them

with all of my heart but i always end

up writing a nonesense poem