Crime Grows (Hard Rock)

Crime Grows

The devil rides at night
The people live in fright
As the women cry
The children get shot and die

The heroin is injected
You are officially infected
They will give kid a cigarette it has the nicotine
Kids get addicted kill for it when
They are just a young teen!!! (Stretch)

The crime grows
Then we blame the government to be our foes
Then a thing is born called terrorism
It could even become racism
It infects the world

(DRUM SOLO)

As people get shot and killed
The anger gets filled
Maybe at school
When that murder was a lonely kid you called him a fool
Can’t we see or are we blind?
The criminals who we hate
Are created by us
Next thing you know
The kid you laughed at blow’s up a school bus!!!
Can’t we follow the path that God wants to?
We are all filled in anger only not a few!!!

The heroin is injected
You are officially infected
They will give kid a cigarette it has the nicotine
Kids get addicted kill for it when
They are just a young teen!!! (Stretch)

(Guitar and bass solo)

You are a drug free!!!
Become what you want be
Before it’s late

When a man comes and gives you marijuana
Stand up for your self and scream
Hey stop this damn drama!

Don’t let this shit
Ruin your life a bit
Complete your dreams!


The crime grows
Then we blame the government to be our foes
Then a thing is born called terrorism
It could even become racism
It infects the world

One day God will rise
The day of the judgment will be born
You won’t feel sublime
After you committed your crime
The good people will shine
If you won’t you will have to define
Now you did kill
Gave 'ol satan a thrill

Okay, I really really really liked this. It was really deep and it just makes so much sense. I especially liked the first few lines. They rocked.

Maybe you did kill
I guess you will have to pay the devil a bill

This rhyme seemed a little bit forced in my opinion.

Otherwise, this was really great. I can totally imagine this song on the radio.

Sorry if the review was too short.

Good work,
Nariel

It's ok, But I don't know what should I then put insted of:

Maybe you did kill
I guess you will have to pay the devil a bill

Great work!!!!!
But this part I think you should reconsider:

Are created by us
Next thing we know
That kid you laughed at blow’s up a school bus!!!

Why not:

Are created by us
Next thing you know
The kid you laughed at blow’s up a school bus!!!

Maybe you did kill
I guess you will have to pay the devil a bill

sounds a bit forced... not bad, forced

How about:

Maybe you did kill
I guess you got to pay the devil's bill

or

Maybe you did kill
Now you got to pay the devil's bill

I don't know if that sounds any better to you or what.
But besides that forced rhyme/what would seem like a cramming of words into a phrase, it's great :]

It's got a nice deep meaning behind it.

Now you did kill
Gave 'ol satan a thrill

Now you did kill
And it's killing you still

Those are some suggestions. The idea is okay, but I personally didn't find this very well executed. You sacrificed rhythm a lot just to get the idea across and the lines were either unpoetic or unoriginally stated. You did have your moments here, I liked bits of the chorus, but overall I guess just not my thing.

Still, keep writing. You obviously have some fans and improvement takes practice so good luck!

I actually really like this as it is, even though some of the suggestions would add to it more. Did you write this for a band you are in or just for the pleasure of writing this? It actually sounds like a real song, it works well, and although in some places it is a little cliche it dosen't pull away from it too much, so well done, keep writing!

All the best,
Meevs
x

miyaviloves wrote:I actually really like this as it is, even though some of the suggestions would add to it more. Did you write this for a band you are in or just for the pleasure of writing this? It actually sounds like a real song, it works well, and although in some places it is a little cliche it dosen't pull away from it too much, so well done, keep writing!

All the best,
Meevs
x

I want to have a band. When I am going to move back to Finland I will try to make a band with Lord Anzius