Hello my friend. Welcome to YWS. I do hope that you enjoy being a part of this community as much as I have.
Well, down to the task at hand. This poem that you posted... Was that all of it?
you will be guided by someone true someone that watches over me and you,the walk
Is barely a sentence as it lacks a full stop at the end... Nor does it have any metre or structure or rhyme. Failing to have either of these three devices (for me), makes the text fail in being a poem. It is a statement.
All right.... As others have said, welcome to YWS! And also as others have said, I'm sorry, but this really doesn't fall under the category of 'poetry.' However, we are here to help you! Yay!
you will be guided by someone true someone that watches over me and you,the walk
A few points:
1. Every sentence begins with a capital letter!
2. There should be a comma after true.
3. There should be a space after every comma (after you).
4. If 'the walk' is the name of something/someone it should be capitalized, thus, the Walk. Also on this point, the comma after 'the walk' should actually be a colon, now that I think of it...
5. There should also be a period at the end.
6. This isn't exactly incorrect, but in my opinion, saying who, instead of that, would be more poetic.
So, if you make these simple corrections so far, we have:
You will be guided by someone true, someone who watches over me and you: the Walk.
Yay! Now you have an actual understandable sentence.
Next step: if this is to be a poem, it needs a structure. Often, poets break lines at each pause or comma. If you did this it would look like this:
You will be guided by someone true,
someone who watches over me and you:
the Walk.
It's on its way!
Now you need to add more. As it is, it intrigues us, makes us curious, and then leaves us with... nothing. Who is this 'Walk'? Do we fear it? Love it? Feel grateful or safe around it? Can we see it? Feel it? Taste or smell it? What exactly does it do, and how does it watch over us? You don't have to give specific descriptions such as, 'it is blue' or 'it smells like chocolate' because that would be really boring and take away from the intrigue. (And yes, I realize that those example sentences are probably nothing like what you imagined, but really, as it is, we have no idea.)
So add some more, give us some emotion, and insert it using the structure above, making sure to put in punctuation as well.
This could be a really great beginning. Good luck, and happy writing! I hope to see more of your work, and hope you like it here! PM me if you have any questions or when you edit this.
See you around!
Of course it's happening in your mind, but why on earth should that mean it isn't real?
gosh poeple what is your problem it was her first try and she has never written oetry before and + shes my sis...........be supprotive. why do so many poeple have to be so mean!
midnightsun10135
I hid my face against his shoulder."I love you." i whispered. " you are my life now," he awnsered simply.
'This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.' — Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
