Sometimes I

My second attempt at poetry, not really finished it, tell me what you think...


Sometimes i scream at the sky just for the sake of making a sound
I jump from cliffs, just so that my feet aren't touching the ground.

I feel trapped,as if my brain is a dungeon
Captured, by a beautiul girl with a truncheon.

Want to escape from the shadows, I need to run
The darkness fades as I near the sun,

I'm freezing inside,but I dont want to get burnt.
I thought they were ghosts,it appears, they weren't.

Live the rebel,break the rules, I would
Caught between right and acting as I should

Swept up in life, as in an irrepressible force
Heading in the defaualt direction, need to alter the course,

I act, no hesitation, there are consequences
I take the hits, id rather not sit on the fences

Nightmares flow trough my mind, from them, I learn,
Conscioussness, and the revelation i would rather return.

The situation humms with pain its in the air.
Atmosphere sings with it, i have nothing to declare.

Swallow painkillers to ease the throb in my mind.
I thought i could see the way, turns out, im blind.

this is pretty good for your second try.
first, the nit-picking:

I feel trapped,as if my brain is a dungeon

Captured, by a beautiul girl with a truncheon.

this doesnt really make much sense with the rest of the poem
it's more important for what you write to make sense, not sound good.

Heading in the defaualt direction, need to alter the course,

i think you meant default??

before you post something, edit it first

This poem is really interesting, No matter what you do there's always something you can think of to stop you from doing so.) well i enjoyed reading this poem... you did a very good job and i would like to see more from you>)

"Want to escape from the shadows, I need to run

The darkness fades as I near the sun,



I'm freezing inside,but I dont want to get burnt.

I thought they were ghosts,it appears, they weren't.

" nice!

some of the lines are pretty cool, but I'd say if you're new to poetry don't box yourself in with strict rhym schemes. Sometimes it seems like you're only saying things to keep in with the rhyme, just remember poetry doesn't have to rhyme and i'd like to see what you'd do with a much looser structure where you can really say what you mean.