The old and beautiful

For this poem I am about to show...Basically I just put myself in a woman's position and what her perception of beauty may be. It's something I never really tried before!Edit: i just realize maybe this doesn't belong in the lyric poetry!

The old and beautiful
My heart is scolded and cold
Beauty never showed and now I'm old
Did i play it right...each role?
Despite the fouls that let me down
Have i accomplished goals.
I keep asking myself..confused now
Searching for love to put me out
To take away the misery
That got me in mystery
Thinking i was history
Because someone took my heart and this is a story
About a beautiful girl only loved by her appearance
She hated herself personally
Because her beauty was the interference
She kept getting used,but she tried to think she was useful?
A heart full of pain Just beating alone
She could only felt a sword in a stone
Sharp material cutting edge, bleeding words
All it is love, She wanted to take course
She kept cutting herself in pity like nothing else is worse
She drowned herself, strangle herself
She was fed up with her life
The things she got caught up with tangle herself
She said even though people see I'm beautiful
All the things i been through made me ugly now
And even if i try to rejuvenate I'm too old now
The old and beautiful

i believe that people see what they want to see (and it also includes things that we think, hear etc.)

a little bit strange poem, but it has its trick and spell, i liked it :]

wish you a nice week

AnonymousLight wrote:

She could only felt a sword in a stone -
She could only FEEL* a sword in a stone

She kept cutting herself in pity like nothing else is worse -
She kept cutting herself in pity like nothing else WAS* worse (You put kept" which is past tense. You need to support the IS as WAS for past tense too.)

She drowned herself, strangle herself -
She drowned herself, STRANGLED* herself.

Overall, very good

wow!
this poem is prob. the best ive read so far!
its beautiful and dark
and even though this is your first poem as a women (hahaha)
it was amazingly good!
i loved the part..

Searching for love to put me out
To take away the misery
That got me in mystery
Thinking i was history
Because someone took my heart and this is a story
About a beautiful girl only loved by her appearance
She hated herself personally
Because her beauty was the interference
She kept getting used,but she tried to think she was useful?
A heart full of pain Just beating alone

this is amazing.
how you ever got these emotions idk.
ive felt like this but i could never write it down
you've never felt this and you wrote it beautifuly.
thank you truly and keep writing!

Thanks for the feedback,

Ishryock2 I don't know how I come up with these words..I just do>)

Wow! This is the most unique and interesting poem i have ever read. Being in the opposite genders position was genius! The only critique i can give you is that on some of the lines you rhymed, and on some of the other lines, you didn't.. You either need to rhyme or dont rhyme. I would love it if it was all rhymes.. Like every other line rhyming.. That would make the poem a lot better.. But other then that, I loved this poem! it displayed the emotions of a woman very well.. Well done!


Your warm and cuddly kitten,

*Emily*

haha thanks>)

I tried to make it rhyme but i couldn't find the words so i tried to make it flow lol
but I'm glad you love the poem heheh